Black Girl In The City.

In one of my last posts I said that I’d have to get out there if I wanted to leave other things and people behind. But I’ve been thinking about it and I’m actually not sure if I can do the whole dating thing at all and for a while. I have my reasons but you already know. Had a conversation with my homeboy today. One of our many talks about life, people and yea yea yea MEN! He’s a musician married to a beautiful wife and they both have an adorable baby boy. Of anything I can appreciate about him its his willingness to keep it real and frank with me all day everyday. He often times shares with me the elements of black marriage from the man’s perspective. We all need ppl like that in our lives. Our conversation started when he sent me an email with photos from a parking lot wedding …

ME: Shiiiit lol – im not sure about marriage for real doe. lol

LP: What? Really? Why not?

ME: *shaking head* I don’t know

LP: Really.. Wow.. I think you just haven’t found the one.

ME: Im not looking either! lolol

LP: Well. Ok. So what is it that you want?

ME: *here is where I go on and on with my laundry list lol*

What I want? Hmmm the basics and someone that is on my level or above. I want love and acceptance, great sex and romance. I want to be appreciated, valued, adored, trusted and free to be who I am in his presence. I want a man with family values and a desire to move ahead and remain progressive. I want a man that embraces my girls as his own by giving them what they need in terms of what a black man should be to his woman. I want him to be financially savvy but not stingy or afraid to live life. He should appreciate my drive for being bigger and better and not feel threatened or insecure because I am a business woman and not a home maker. He should value the arts and be my biggest fan. He should be objective and intelligent, able to hold a conversation. He should have great taste and etiquette and know how to behave in any given setting…from the streets to the board room. His family is his top priority, his swag is ridiculous and when I look at him I see a beauty that can never fade. Above all he is on his shit and as a team we enhance our impact on the world. I only ask these things because they are what I have to offer at minimal. If I can’t have them I’ll have nothing at all.

LP: Well BG. You might just have nothing at all then. Lol. You want a lot. And most of the men out here can’t give you all that. A very small percentage of men out there are like that. VERY SMALL.. You may have to look outside your race to find that person. Dating outside your race can be tuff at times though. Who I really feel sorry for is your girls. They will have an even smaller percentage of BLACK men to choose from.

ME: That’s what my biggest fear is and I think about it every day. Outside of my race is not totally out of the question but I think I’d have a hard time having a man that could handle me. I don’t want someone I can boss around, I need a break from being the boss. I think I’ve accepted the state we’re in when it comes to our people, dating, relationships, marriage, etc. As time goes on options that were once there will soon be obsolete…but we shall see. I’ve sadly accepted the possibility of being solo for the long haul and yea, its disappointing, but the only thing I can do is learn to live with it and love myself and the girls as much as I possibly can. At the end of the day that’s all any of us can do.

LP: True indeed.

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*A downer for your friday but hey it’s the truth. Yea there’s hope and possibility in everything but I won’t ride on it because life holds no promises. It just is what it is! I know one thing…I sure as hell won’t be getting married in someone’s barb wired parking lot. Not my style. lol

-black girl.