Black Girl In The City.

Anthony Kurtz

Music: Outkast // Bombs Over Baghdad

So, I was on my way into the gym this morning minding my own peaceful business. Parked in my usual spot, got out to grab my duffle from the back. Had to pause when I heard the most ear searing noise that most have come to dread: A Black Woman’s Wrath. This chick was arguing and damn near shadow boxing about a block away on the opposite side of an otherwise quiet street. Low and behold the source of the profane language, threatening screams and outrageous banter was made known to all that would hear, listen and take note. Someone had really pissed her off.

If EXTRA had a face it would look exactly like her because she was overly crazy with it. Like, you know how someone is just yelling about nothing and all you can do is moan, “Shut the $#@*(% Up,” over and over to yourself? Her monologue was something serious and she wanted the entire world to hear how sorry the father of her son was. She pointed to the air talking about how money was the burden and he needed to pay the mortgage like he said he would. I’m surprised she didn’t call him by first and last name while she was busy putting the word out on the street. Not only that, she was cutting him down to the ground with her mouth – words so sharp they could kill. How could any man’s ego withstand that battle?

I’m not doubting the other person’s actions to be true, and I’m pretty sure her anger was justified. But my issue is with how she handled the situation. It wasn’t but a week ago that I was damn near attacked for $1 flip flops by a Black woman. What is it inside that keeps us on edge, ready to fight and win? As I tuned away from the woman’s conversation and toward my morning burn out I found myself a little irritated, and to an extent embarrassed as an immediate thought came to mind:

“Black women are collectively stereotyped as sex driven bitches. We’re pigeon holed as loud, overly dramatic egotistical drama creators that can’t keep our mouths shut long enough to hear the other person speak.”

If I had a penny for every man that would agree to this phrase being an accurate assumption I’d be an extremely wealthy woman. I listen to my male friends and what they say about the things Black women do. I always defend, explaining that we are not the same and insisting that all women of color should be given the benefit of the doubt in the beginning. But how can I request a pardon when a large majority of us are turning my professed truths into lies? How can I argue that all Black women aren’t combative and rude when provoked when in fact so many of us are?

She’s too aggressive. She uses our child to extort what she wants from me. She bleached all of my clothes. She’s always got something to say about something, like…shhh! STFUP!

All comments guys have shared when recounting some of their own dating experiences with the Sisters. At first I blamed it on their choice in women until I started to see the point of view for myself. The more I listened to their stories the more I began to pay attention to my behavior and others, and honestly I can see where the finger snapping, ghetto Bonquisha persona came from. I can also see who’s reinforcing it, making the image of the aggressive natured Black women an automatic expectation upon introduction’s first ‘hello’. I am not sure what can be done to discredit the overshadowing of something so negative, especially after seeing what I saw this morning.

-black girl.