Music: Going On // Gnarles Barkley
I needed some time to think and get my shit together. To really decide what I am doing and how it compliments the bigger picture. Even now I’m sitting here at the computer wondering whether or not to push things harder than I have, or to stay on the same course and speed throughout the next year. I’m afraid the latter isn’t in my blood. Something that became painfully evident this year when I made the ultimate decision to go back to school to learn the mechanics behind my craft. I don’t think I’ve ever worked this hard toward something to be honest with you. For the majority of my life ish came easy. I always seemed to get by and attain what I wanted without much effort, like I had a personal Angel making moves on my behalf or something. So you could imagine the tantrums and fits I threw this year for pushing myself to levels I hadn’t danced on before. One of my homies said it best though. “This is a good thing because you’re building resilience, strength, discipline…you think things are hard but they are not. You good.” I concurred without mentioning that I’d been witnessing the cloud of fear dissipating before my eyes for months now. Proof that what he was saying was indeed correct.
As the cloud continued to dwindle to nothing I began to see and better understand the ultimate design and purpose for my life. And the more I see, the harder I rock. I said that 2008 was a year of change and it became so, and I said that 2009 would be our year to build, work and prepare. Those of you that ride strong with me are in some form or fashion building up yourselves. Which means that 2010 will usher in a year of heightened execution for you and I. All that we’ve practiced and perhaps even learned the hard way will come into play. Everything that we’ve worked on and prepared ourselves for will be put on the playing field and against the opposing side. Will you score? Yes, because we have spent time building as we should. I personally did a lot of cleaning out, cleaning up and moving on to make room for an even more victorious year that’s almost here…and that’s definitely a good thing.
-black girl.
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Black Girl In The City. 
Your post really resonated within me…because i too was dealing with that bad SPIRIT of fear. Spirits can be shooed away, prayed or just simply executed by your strength. I’m so glad i conquered the fear of yesterday, so i can go on to do what’s necessary for my future. Girl its all abt growth and you got it…I’m an avid fan of your blog, but am always to afraid to leave a comment. See, I conquered that fear today!
Peace and blessings
Comment by Marik B. December 21, 2009 @ 3:33 amThanks for explaining my thoughts exactly. Clean, move, and make room is the motto for 2010.
Comment by LaTonya Bynum December 21, 2009 @ 8:54 am@ Marik – awe, thank you! we’re in this together man! lol. @ LaTonya – yep. Can’t have the old stuff cluttering your space if you want to get some of that new new! 🙂
Comment by blackgirlinthecity December 21, 2009 @ 11:22 pmthanx for the ispiration, i think am in the same state, where i gotta learn how to dela with fear and stand up for myslef and for what i believe in,
definitely, clean up, move on and make room is the motto for 2010, God be with us,
for me 2009 was the year of growth, learning what is good or not good for me, learning to soround myself with people who are positive thinking and truly loving and inspirational, excluding myslef from those who intentionally hurt you, control you for their own benefit and taking everything they can take from you. in 2010, all that has to change, am gonna take my own control and dish out all that is harmful and hurting. Thank you so much , for bringing an inspiration. God bless you black gal.
your fellow black girl
Comment by glore December 22, 2009 @ 6:02 pmglad everything is falling into place, i too have just been floating on luck and some angel has been guiding me along the way, but its nice to hear that you can take control and guide yourself in the direction you want to go.
Comment by Raven January 25, 2010 @ 10:31 amxo