Black Girl In The City.


We need ALL of you in secrecy to STOP IT.
March 11, 2008, 9:43 pm
Filed under: Dating N Stuff, Matters of the Heart.

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Textin’ Talk… 

 Me: …but I don’t really date.  I don’t really do anything, everybody’s gay and I’m depressed lol 

 Him:  The gay thing is at an all time high  

Me:  You’re like the third MALE friend that’s said that    

Him:  So how can you tell?  

Me: Beats me I just know.  There are people we know that give me the g-vibe but maybe I’m Paranoid  

Him:  Nah my sister picked up on it and she was only here for a weekend  

Me:   Scary  

Him:  These mother fuckers need to stay out my face…all this pussy in town  

Me:   LMBAO right.   

—-

I know you seen it coming!  How could I live in a city with one of the highest concentration of gay blacks without poppin off at the mouth just a little?    

Before I get the gloss poppin though, I gotta put the disclaimer out that I am by no means a discriminatory individual.  I don’t have a problem with gay people whatsoever and enjoy all of my friendships for the people that I love, our bonds are not based on lifestyle.  I do have a problem with men (ok  black men in particular) that live heterosexually while stooging classified roles as fucker or fuckee.  To be honest with ya’ll, I am absolutely disgusted and upset about it.  If I preferred the company of females and lived my life as a lesbian then I may not have too much to say…but would still have to speak on the profound effect this trend turned culture is having not only on myself, but on our community collectively.   

Sure everybody’s out there making films that himm n hawh about “The Down Low Brothers” and yada yay.  I’m actually pretty sick of the term tagged to identify this particular sector of individuals.  It’s saturated our minds and we’ve become somewhat desensitized to it thus not having the ability to feel the sting that we should when it’s mentioned.  First off, any man that would be selfish enough to fuck his homeboy and then crawl into bed with me at night is no BROTHER of mine.  Secondly, DOWN LOW isn’t low enough if you ask me.  I’m laughing at myself right now because I always try not to project a certain kind of woman by living up to the clichés that often times precede my kind.  BUT *shaking head* right about now I am that Angry Black Woman that just might knock your head off cuz you egged with that chip sittin high and mighty on her shoulder.  Let’s begin shall we?  I think we shall. 🙂

Ironically this has been the main topic of discussion amongst my friends, both male and female, for the past month or so.  So much so that I said I would blog about it and try my best not to go the hell off while in the process.  We all know the numbers and we all know that black women are the leaders in new cases each year.  We also know why this is so.  What I don’t know is why we look the other way and carry on as if this shit isn’t real.  If you didn’t know what the leading cause of death for black women (including African American women) aged 25–34 years was in 2004 then I don’t know what rock you are living under…certainly not Stone Mountain.   As the whole issue with men being with other men secretly became more public, little miss nosy as I began probing for more information.  Not second hand, and not from TV and movies and other frivilous attempts to filter what’s not being said.  I talked to my people.  My gay male friends.  My home girls that scratched their heads trying to figure out why the men they were dating possessed something that just wasn’t right.  My straight homeboy that had to whoop a dude’s ass that mistook him for giving ‘the signal’.   My highschool friend whose life has been changed forever because of this.  My most enlightening educational sessions have been with my baby cousin.  He’s black, fine as wine, 23 and dying of full blown aids as we speak.  He was never on the low.  In fact, he created an uproar in a family known for it’s keepers of the sacred cloth.  Sorry undercovers but he spilled the beans on you.  My mouth was on the floor the night I spent time with him browsing through myspace and online.  He showed me pages and pages of dudes, that were fine as hell and clearly had ‘straight’ as their orientation BUT were sending him notes wanting to meet up and ‘have fun’ or ‘kick it’.  Married men, preacher’s kids, and even a few that I had on my own friends list were among the bunch.  Yea.  I freaked the heck out.  He told me that “they LIKE to fuck raw and don’t really care about anything but the dick in front of them at the moment.”  These men had families and friends that from what I could tell HAD NO CLUE.  

My mind went back to all of the men I’ve dated and couldn’t quite figure out why I had the iff iff’s about them.  I quickly retracted to my current roster at the time to see if I could “Pick em out” or remember something significant.  The scaring thing people….I couldn’t tell.  None of us can tell and that’s alarming.  It’s sad that not only myself but thousands of beautiful eligible women in Atlanta have the odds stacked against us because we’re competing with Men AND Women.  I’m to the point now where I question everyone and everything around me while trying not to paralyze my social and even sexual life by assuming that everyone is…you know.  I’d be silly to say all men in Atlanta are gay because we all know that not to be true.  Plus I have to throw it out there before my phone starts ringing and my homeboys bumrush my crib on some mob shit lol.  But you know something?  A LOT OF DUDES THAT I SEE OUT HERE ARE And when your own straight male friends begin complaining about the secret circles then there’s a serious problem.  I have so much to say about this and could write for days and years – ultimately boring the hell out of you with my bouts of narcissistic rage. I think I’ve said enough and will  just end with this: 

Dear Fearful Black Man, 

How could you be selfish enough to put our lives at risk for the sake of maintaining your own secrecy and identity?  I don’t respect you because you’re destroying our families and our homes in addition to the poverty, drugs, mis-eductaion and sleu of other shit we face.  I despise you because you laugh at openly gay men, thus encouraging other young black men facing sexual identity issues to be abstrusely perversed.  We’ve sighed and cried lots because of you, feeling like all was not necessarily fair in the game of love.  I’m afraid of you because your habits are perpetuating a crisis that’s killing the monarchs responsible for raising this nation on their breasts and hips.  Remember your mamma.  I gnash my teeth at you because instead of going out in hopes of meeting someone new, we laugh and dance in the corner with our home girls because we peep men like you.  I’m angry with you because I have to man up everyday and strong arm my way, because the man that I should be standing strongly behind is standing naked behind you.   I’m disgusted with you because of your negligence to truth.  ‘Give us us free’ by allowing US to chose whether or not to deal with you.  My heart sinks miles because as wives and mothers and sisters, we have put our lives in your hands.  But they are hands that cannot be trusted because we don’t know where they’ve been. 

If you’re reading this and it pisses you off fantastic!  Now go run and tell your other ‘under the radar’ homies that a woman in Atlanta has put you on front street because you weren’t man enough to do it yourselves.   

Let there be progress, hope and change.  Obama for President!

-black girl.

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3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Holy snap! That last part was the truth. I luv your writing style black girl. We need more bloggers out there like you. Peace and love. (Carmen)

Comment by Carmen E.

WOW…….Thats all i can say.

However hard for some to hear or read, that held a lot of truth!!

Now that’s Real Talk!!

Comment by JR

First off, great post.

I will be short and say that – if the black community as a whole did not have such seething hatred, contempt, and loathing for those gay black men who did have the courage to come out and not live in “secrecy” then this problem would not be at the level that it is today. There are endless stories of black men disowned, ostracised, villified, assaulted, shunned, and murdered for being honest about who they are.
The periles and challenges of the black man in this country are well-documented. Add to that the harsh stigma of being a GAY black man and unfortunately it is not that difficult to understand why so many gay black brothers choose to live in the shadows. This shameing and stifling way of life can only lead to dysfunction, self-loathing and destructiveness.

K

Comment by plyrkev




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