Filed under: Matters of the Heart.
Nine times out of ten, when something sounds too good to be true it is. A few entries back I was talking about letting someone from my past go while being able to maintain the friendship. Um…no boo that aint gonna work.
Without going into the entire story of how I bent my tire rim Friday night and was rescued at a CVS by a nice group of guys that change my tire for me and….
LOL! Another saga within the saga. But, long story short, I called on my so called lover turned friend to see if he knew where I could find a tire 14” rim and tire on a Sunday! Conversation went a lil something like this…
“I didn’t want to pay them $200 bucks just to keep me without a car for two days,” I was driving away from the Pep Boys that tried to rob me blind. He was on the other end of my cell..
“Well why don’t you just come up this way? We can go to breakfast while I have a friend take care of your car.”
“I can’t drive 30 miles on a donut. Well I don’t want to, it’ll take forever,” I said.
He huffs hard. “Fine. I gotta go.”
“What in the world?” I fling my free hand in the air in confusion.
“You obviously don’t care about what we had so why do you even bother being my friend?”
This was not the argument I wanted to have at 9am on Sunday morning driving up the road with a donut on my car.
“Where’s (name changed) Kayla?”
“What the hell you mean where is she? Not here.” I could hear his voice going up one decibel at a time.
“Alright then.” I paused and got ready to say something else but he cut me off.
“Everything I get from you is half-assed. You seem to have time for everyone and everything else but when it comes to me it doesn’t matter.”
I swiped a U in the middle of the road and headed back the other way. The opposite direction opened the sun to my eyes. I fumbled for my sunglasses in the neighboring seat as I balanced the phone on my shoulder and blurted, “What do you want from me? I thought we agreed that our friendship was important….but did we ever really get along long enough to be close friends? Otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
Leave it to smart ass me to hit someone with security issues with a direct and logical question to make them feel, “dumb”. No matter how he felt on the inside, outside was pretty pissed. My question lit a fire under his ass and he immediately started that screaming thing that attributed to the ultimate demise of our relationship. I’m a grown woman m’k? I pulled the phone back from my ear and dangled it in the air. Honestly I don’t know what he was saying and I didn’t care to listen to the shyt either. I just heard the very last sentence before I hung up…”You know what (black girl)? If we got off of the phone right now and never spoke to each other again, I honestly wouldn’t care.”
As tuff as I am and as easy as it is for me to let some things go, I’m still a woman and I’m still fragile underneath it all. His last sentence got to the fragile part and chipped a tiny piece. No matter what happened including being unable to remain in love with each other, I thought in everything I still had a friend. He was one of the few people I could count on my left hand that knew me so well and vice versa. Even though we’d skipped roughly 6 or 7years of contact, I always thought about how he was doing and hoping he was ok. I never thought in a million years I’d hear one of my best friends say that to me with such conviction and meaning. It hurt so I did the only thing a girl knows how to do when her feelings are crushed….I called him a phukin bytch and hung up.LOL! Tactless but necessary according to my then 20 year digressed state of mind.
I’m beginning to wonder if it’s truly possible to be friends with an ex lover minus dry humping and ear blowing. Beyond the fact now so I guess it really is whatever. Maybe I’ll mail him a shirt that says ON MY BYTCHASSNESS for Christmas and call it even.
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