Black Girl In The City.


remember to live well.
April 30, 2008, 3:03 pm
Filed under: Matters of the Heart., Reflections of a Black Girl | Tags: , ,

 ‘dreams’ by archan nair

 

Another important lesson to never take anything or anyone around you for granted because you never know when it’s their, or even your time.  Always try to remember the big picture and understand why the most high put the people in your life around you, and you in theirs.  I recently told a friend that I loved him and regretted it after because I felt vulnerable admitting to someone for the first time in my life that I’d be there regardless to listen and care, encourage and inspire.  I hated it because it was uncomfortable, outside of my comfort zone and I didn’t want to make the friendship seem awkward.  All selfish reasons and now I realize that everything that happens does so right on time and in perfect order.  Whether we accept it or not.  For all I know he needed to hear those words that day to encourage him to continue being the person he is working to become and to continue to live well. From now on I’m vowing to love the people around me more often and more importantly let them know because ‘we’ never know when it’s our time…

 

My momz just called me and told me that a childhood friend died.  I’m working away, sipping my quad grade caramel machiatto and grouching through emails from clients that need everything now if not yesterday. I have caller ID on my office phone so I knew it was her.

 

“This me,” I picked up.

 

“Hey,” she said.  I could tell her spirits were kinda low by the sound of her voice.

 

“Hey.”

 

“I have bad news.”  My mom knows I hate bad news, so she got to the point without beating bushes.

 

“Max died a couple of days ago.” 

 

I thought I’d heard her wrong and gulped, “What!!?”

 

“Yea,” she dragged. 

 

“He collapsed playing basketball and never woke up.  Never been diagnosed with a disease and in perfect health.  I can’t believe this.”  Her voice in shock mode as well.  She continued, “They are bringing the body back to Atlanta today.”

 

My mouth dropped and my heart sunk. Suddenly my mind pictured his shell lying in still state thinking; I bet he never expected he would die that day.  I have a very sensitive soul and can feel things that a lot of people often can’t.  Sometimes I can’t explain it myself, but the truth always comes to light eventually and my “Aha!” moment is there.  Although I keep a game face I’ll admit that for the past two days I’ve been depressed and crying, not knowing why, tired and cranky…I just didn’t feel right.  Having experienced these types of things in the past I knew something was wrong and dreaded the manifestation of that “Why.”

 

He was like a member of the family; always there for the holidays and special occasions.  He was only thirty two years old.  Law school graduate, with the biggest green eyes you’ve ever seen!  Texts from folks in the family telling me it’s urgent to call started poppin up in my phone.  And now that I know why, I’ll stall for now because I can’t hear those words again just yet.  He was engaged to a beautiful young woman, set to be married this summer.  I am still in shock and really don’t know what to say, and can only imagine how his fiancé feels.  Although I know he’s crossed over to a better place it still hurts to lose someone you’ve known since you were 14 and like family.  Max, if you’re tuning in know that although we didn’t talk too often my memories of you won’t fade.  Your fiancé and family will be okay, and I know you’ll send them peace and comfort from your new place.  Oh, and say hi to Nita (my aunt) and Jennifer (my baby sister) for me if they’re not already listening.  Hopefully you guys will stop by to visit me soon.  Love you both. XOXO

 

My pity party is officially over.

 

-black girl.

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