I’m kinda bugged out right now on how chill I am. Like, the things that bothered me even a month ago aren’t even an issue to me because at the end of the day they don’t determine my ultimate happiness, I do. I breathe slowly, I laugh, and I enjoy the good times and ride with the rough ones until the lessons reveal themselves, and then I keep it moving. This year has been such a time of transformation and ascension to a better and absolute self. Then again I knew it would be for a lot of us. Now that I have a taste of it, you know…(say it slick and slow) THE CHILLLLLL… I’m totally hooked. Haha. I’ve been meditating and praying for inner peace and patience for some time now. Glad the goods have finally kicked in.
Chick like me is prone to spontaneous combustion on yo azz if you push it far enough, like tryna to take my turn at the gas pump or taking the last of something in the kitchen and leaving the EMPTY package or pitcher right where you found it, lol. Driving too slow in front of me or even simply telling me ‘NO’ when it comes to something I want. Wanna see me trip? Take and apply one or all of the above. Believe it or not those small things would cause me to grow a wild hair in my arse and totally affect me like a mad woman some days! Like a sprial downward that I didn’t even realize I was on. City girls move fast and don’t have time for the BS or minimal issues that can’t be tied back into their priorities in life. We’re tryna to get it in, get it done, and get it on out with as little drama as possible. So yea, sometimes the small things are sweated in a way. Just human nature.
Having minimal drama is sorta impossible in my line of work and in my home life with two daughters, mini me’s. Just picture myself as an adolescent, a teen and an adult and throw all of them under one roof. Pure comedy! And I wouldn’t necessarily call it drama, just really fast-paced with a need to move with urgency and intent.
When I first decided to take on the ultimate challenge and push myself like never before, I was forced to adjust my life totally and ask my self how bad I wanted to be successful…because if I did want to attain my goals, it was not going to be easy under any circumstance. That I was prepared for and the level of your grind is what ultimately separates the haves from the have not’s. Being a ‘have not’ isn’t an option. I realized, though, that stress and high-strung tension stems from a feeling of not being in control of whatever that stressor may be. Situations, people, things, any external factor. Gotta take charge of the inner you and guard it from the ever changing world outside. I just had to get real and drop the weight proclaiming that, “I’m in control and the most high is my number one guide and protector so…why sweat it?” I’m so on my chill.
For whatever reason, at this point in my life I feel in control and like I have choices and options. For a while I didn’t feel that way because I felt I didn’t have the tools needed to empower myself and become that 360 degree black girl. Eventually I said effit and took it back to my roots and made my own damn tools, rocks-dirt-sticks and all on some customized shyt. lol I know that everything in my life is shaping and forming according to how it should be, and my only responsibility is to make the right choices while keeping an open mind and objective heart. Hyped up clammor is for the ugh, 20 something’s. J *wink* Today I am laid back, soft, feminine, relaxed, but still handling business like every moment counts. We have to remember what’s important and why we are here. Realizing your purpose puts everything into perspective and that’s when you ultimately realize that there’s nothing to be tense about. Just plant the seeds and the ones that are inteded to grow will do so. It’s gonna be a fly azz summer!
Totally addicted to the “chill”.
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