Black Girl In The City.

holding it all together in my sexy dress
May 7, 2008, 12:37 am
Filed under: My Work. My Hustle. | Tags: ,

{rinze van brug}

Random updates…


I woke up late again this morning.  7am to be precise.  I have 3 alarms that go off but I’ve been sleeping through each and every one!  A few hours of sleep each night has its drawbacks.  I have an admirer that calls me at 6:30am every single morning.  I don’t answer even though I’m normally up by then.  Funny, this guy is a real good dude; we met when I had a flat tire at 2am.  Pulled alongside and helped a sister out.  The next day he was at my house taking the tire off.  Took it and got it fixed, brought it back and rotated all of my tires by hand.  I was impressed.  Not really used to men doing anything for me.  Not sure if it’s my stubborn independence to ask or accept, or the fact that I am so focused on being the giver that I don’t stop to think about the reciprocal factor.  At any rate, this guy has a 21 yo daughter and three other children.  Going through a divorce and I think he’s already looking for a wife.  I wonder if I should tell him that it aint me.  Seems like, with all of that he’d want a settled life at 37 pushing 38.  But my life is just beginning.  I need someone that’s working towards something besides winning the little league championship and slurping Heinekin’s on ball game Sunday, moving and shaking right along with me.  I may do cheerleading and jazz practices because I have to, but I’m no soccer mom.


I feel kinda wierded out when he starts talking about how we are on the same team and he says, “Hey I’m here, whatever you need.”  He talks about how he wants to take me places and do things, etc.  I’m thinking, “I hate it when dudes talk shyt about what they are gonna do.  Just do it because as soon as you start talking all of that it automatically registers as game!”  “Where you wanna go baby?  Mexico?  Tahiti?  Tell me and we’re there.”  Ugh.  Yea, I’m thinking, but that means you’re gonna wanna get some goodies and I’m so not there with you dude. LOL.  I know he would be good for me in terms of what I need but I’m not attracted at all.  Some of my homies have piped, “Girl, you need to keep him around and get over that other stuff.  You need someone like him in your life.”  I’m sorry, I just can’t keep someone around for the sake of security and help.  I’d feel like I’m just using them if I can’t offer the affection and care that’s required in those situations.  Sometimes I think I’m too good for my own good, lol.  Despite my warnings of being too busy to cultivate a relationship and my effortless ability to be a hard cookie to crack, he still says,” I’m here.”  I don’t know why I panic but I guess I don’t want to be smothered or held accountable to anyone or anything but my current obligations.  I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings but I’m sure he would appreciate me telling him that I’m not really interested and if he wants to be cool then…ok.  But honestly, I don’t think he can handle just that.  Mentioning my disinterest in that regard would be the best.  Guess I’ll tell him the next time we speak instead of ignoring his calls.  I’m disappointed at myself for doing the thing I’ve despised in people that do the same to me. 


I’ve been pulling late nights to keep up with my personal priorities in terms of business and making this thing happen.  Drowning myself in merlot and sometimes smokes to make the grind less tiring lol.  I think I’m going to hire a summer intern to help out during the busy summer months because things are only gonna get busier, and I’m only gonna get a little bit buggier, you know eyes popped out of my head like, “Why the phuk wasn’t this done yesterday!?”  lol.  


When I got in and sat down I realized my feet were ashy as hell!  Like I’d been kicking flour all the way into the office.  Seems I lotioned everything on my body after a 5 minute shower but my feet, lol.  Day kicked off with meetings and a stack of things to do a mile high.  None of which I feel like doing but I gotta snap out of it and understand how blessed I am to be in the position I am.  Where I am valued and my decisions are trusted.  Running my desk here is very similar to running my own business so I appreciate that level of independence that is given to me.  A rarity in this game since so much is at stake on the daily.  I’m rockin it though! 


Lunch plans.  Kimora called for me to do lunch with her and Nik today at Fuego.  I was supposed to have a lunch date but I gotta keep my friends first in line.  He and I can do Sushi tomorrow.  When I walked into the office today, I strolled past the kitchen only to see my boss hovered over the brewing coffee like a drone, praying for the last drop to percolate so she can get her fix.  Laughed to myself.  She was straight jockin the pot! 


I’m looking at my mile high list of upcoming initiatives and current projects on my calendar for today.  I still don’t understand how I do it all and still keep a clean kitchen and ample supply of clean panties in the drawer!  Trust me I’ve run out before and have no problem pushin a commando on em. Lol  


Been stocking up on dresses for the summer.  I go to a lot of private events during the hot months and a dress is always the best option.  Especially since i go stir crazy when trying to pick out outfits at the last minute.  A dress makes it so much easier.   I learned the hard way last year that a busy woman should always keep a dress on deck for every occassion.  Buisiness, personal, Saturday sexy, first date fly…my ladies know!   the only question would be, “Panties or no panties?”  Ha ha, yea.


Tomorrow is registration for school.  I’ve decided not to do it just yet.  I’m barely keeping up with my life as is and I know the additional stressor will only lead to more late nights and red bull by the case.  Just being real.  As bad as I want to go, I knew that choosing life would have its sacrifices and setbacks for me personally, but I will make it.  Sometimes I have a tendency to push myself so hard that I don’t realize how much or how hard I am going until I crash.  It’s frustrating at times because there’s so much I want and need to do, but my first obligation is my family.  I don’t have help; it’s just us so I have to make sure I give them what they need as well.  Time, love, healthy meals and direction for their future. When I went in front of the admissions panel a month or so back they asked me, “So, what is your plan for managing school with your other obligations?”  I skipped across my words but managed to reply, “Honestly, I just do it and will strategize and plan according to my priorities, one of the first being finishing my degree.”  Same sentence in my readmissions essay, lol.  I wonder if the ever noticed.  Guess it doesn’t matter since I got the acceptance letter anyway.  I gotta be real with this and understand that there may be things I want to do and may have the drive to do, but I gotta be realistic as well and realize that I’ll have to either wait until help comes along or my girls get a little older.  Who knows, I may have things a little bit more under control by the fall and be able to get in then.  I only have 48 hours left in the accelerated degree program for business professionals.  I ultimately want to bring my GPA to a 3.5 so I can transfer to Georgia State.  Just don’t know when that will happen. 


We have a company picnic on Thursday. $5 bucks to the first person that can tell me where the word PICNIC came from!   I’m looking forward to being in the sun and out of the office.  Laughing at a bunch of tipsy co-workers talking shyt will most def be priceless. 


Got a lot going on but I’m bangin it out!  Besides, so long as my dresses are fly I think I’ll be hella straight. 


-black girl.


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Pick a nigga and find out

Comment by Method to the Happiness

Hi, I found your blog and I’ve really enjoyed reading your stuff; going to link to you, thought I’d let you know! Feel free to link back if you want to.

Comment by CasaRosa

Thank you!!!

Comment by blackgirlinthecity

your right!! dresses on dec for days!!!!!! perference: NO PANTIES:) life can be overwelming @ times, can totally relate but always FAMILY FIRST!! doin it by myself as well, just hope all my hard work in raising my daughter pays off, pretty sure it will!!!!!!! well bgitc, until next time……….

Comment by ms key

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