Filed under: Bitch Rants
It’s no secret that my life is a whirlwind of everything mashed up and then sum so it would make sense to have a little help every now and then. I had to face the truth that even if I had to pay for it, I needed someone to come in and help keep the crib straight. I cannot STAND a disorganized house but you wouldn’t know it if you caught me on a weekday! We won’t even talk about my car…I’m just so busy. :-\
My house is a freaking tornado zone some days because I work so much, and every now and then I’ll have Emma (periodic house keeper) come in and do deep cleaning of the house and help me get my life back in order. Since it was mother’s day weekend I figured it would be cool to have her come back on Saturday and handle the handle. That gave me a free Friday night to chill with Nina, L and Darlene at the Geisha house.
So, Emma shows up shortly after I return from making a quick morning errand. I wanted to go back to sleep badly but opted not because I had SO much to tackle in 24 hours. When she came in she surveyed the house and smiled. “This is not that bad. You always talk like its so bad. I’ve seen muuuuch worse,” she sang with a slight accent floating from room to room. I shrugged my shoulders and thought, hmmm ask my company that. I was kinda embarrassed because nobody likes an impromptu visit with a messy crib. I bet they were thinking, “Damn black girl, WTF is up with those dishes?” lol. If they were paying attention I’m sure they got the real business of my life: A desk piled high with work, mega masses of laundry, and remnants of whatever my babes had decided to leave in the floor on that particular day. This time it was candy wrappers from a goodie bag I brought home to them the night before. Ughh.
Annoying indeed but comes with the territory I suppose. So, I quickly run the low down of the low down to Emma as I’m looking at my watch. Baseboards, sky window ledge needs dusting, can you see if you can get that stain out of the carpet? You know…I had a client waiting on me to do some work for their website as we spoke. A day in the life.
Now Emma was usually a happy, cheerful, round jolly older lady that had spent the majority of her life raising rich white babies after immigrating from Haiti in her 20’s. But today she seemed a little…slow. “Are you ok?” I asked catching her blank stare into my bathroom.
“Yes, yes,” she nodded, “I see you cleaned some?” She peeked over into my bathtub (which was spotless by the way). Yay me!
I laughed and replied, “Yep, just a little. And thank God I to took time to do a bit.” She could see the sheepish smile unfold across my face and shifted her eyes to the bathroom counter. I hope she wasn’t looking at what I thought she was looking at…the wrappers!!!! OMG.
She chuckled and walked past me into the bedroom. “Let’s start with washing these linens,” she said snatching my comforter off of the bed. I’m thinking to myself, “Who says anything went down in the bed?” LOL but whatever. I was kinda embarrassed.
“These clean?” She asked with a slight slur. She was pointing at the huge mound of clothes next to my bed that I had managed to wash but didn’t fold. “Yea, I tried to finshish up,” I replied. She pointed to the folded clothes on the couch adjacent to my bed…”I will put those away for you too. It’s ok.”
I wanted to make sure I showed her the remaining GANG OF LAUNDRY in the laundry room and kid’s room because I really didn’t want to have to face it on a Saturday or Sunday for that matter. “Can you make laundry a priority?” I asked. “If you go over our time I’ll just pay you for it. I can’t stand this,” I said shaking my head.
“Of course.” Her reply seemed slow motion. Her eyelids closed a little and popped back open while I’m thinking what in deh heyall?
“You alright?” I touched her shoulder.
“Sure, I’m ok.”
Cool. So..I leave Emma to my homeland disaster and go about my business and things to do for the day.
I come back few hours later stoked. My house was immaculate and it smelled so good! Baseboards scrubed, blinds dusted, refrigerator cleaned, oh she did the damn thing. I was thinking I should have had her come the day before to save myself the embarrassment of having my unexpected guest see the atrocity that takes less than a week for my little tornados to create. Phuk it though. I went into my bedroom and she was standing over my bed with this funky azz look on her face.
“Place looks great!” I smiled at her still surveying my surroundings.
“Yes, but.” She paused.
“But..” I mocked hoping bad news wouldn’t be so bad.
She pointed to the pile of clothes on my bed. A pink pile of clothes that just happened to be all of my white blouses, t-shirts and camisoles. But listen, they weren’t just pink, the were bright ass pink. The kind that wouldn’t come out. RUINED!
“Omg! What happened?” I picked up one of my favorites from BeBe and wanted to cry. “This was a $100 dollar blouse!”
“I am so sorry. My doctor gave me medicine that makes me sleepy and I washed with red.” She held up a pair of red thongs with one finger and looked as though she wanted to cry. I was so effin heated I wanted to choke a little 5 foot 55 year old Haitian lady and at that point didn’t care if I caught a case. She ruined about $800 to $1000 dollars worth of clothes that weren’t effin cheap! A few of them I had just bought in an effort to style up my swagg and had only worn once or twice. I stormed out of the room to catch my cool. I know myself well enough to know when it’s time to just walk away. lol
She followed behind still apologizing. “You don’t have to pay me. I know you paid a lot for your clothes.” I softened up a little and caught my cool. As much as I wanted to keep my $150 and replace at least ONE effing top, I didn’t. This woman is there whenever I need her not to mention it takes two hours for just to get here by bus and train. Besides, she did do a good job on everything else. Still didn’t erase the fact that I wanted to choke the lights out of her for jacking my shyt but hey, it is what it is.
“Don’t worry about it. You can just go,” I said pushing the folded cash into her wrinkled, dry hands. She reached for the two bags of garbage at the front door to take a long with her and I put my arm in the way.
“It’s okay Emma, go take care of yourself. We’ll take care of the trash,” I said as I grinned a wide bodied smile but deviously thinking…Now get the phuk out.
I’m so pissed man, and on top of all of that I just burnt my stinkin toast.
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