Black Girl In The City.

there are some things you just don’t mess with.
July 8, 2008, 3:39 am
Filed under: Family Matters | Tags:

Archan Nair

There are three things in my life that you don’t mess with, period. My children, my business and my money. Effin off with either of those three things will most certainly get you on the side of black girl that even the grimiest zone 1 goon would be crazed out to see.

My weekend was quite interesting but I’ll get into that later. Long story short, someone got a hold of my bankcard info and had a damn shopping spree courtesy of yours truly over the course of three days last week. I normally don’t check my account everyday because I give myself an allowance and try my best to stick to it.

So, I check my account Saturday and my stomach nearly fell out of my pants. My account was overdrawn and ALL of my money was gone. I’m not gonna say how much but it was quite a bit…

My first step in preparing myself to pay for my eldest daughter’s college was to cut up every single credit card and pay them off. My goal was not to acquire any more debt this year and to live off of cash for the most part. To me that is the best way to truly LEARN how to work within your budget knowing that if you don’t have it or you spend it on dumb shyt your are certainly not eating this week, Lol.
When I discovered the damage I didn’t even cry, pitch a fit, go crazy, I didn’t even make a sour face. That in itself is a sign of growth for me because normally I would go into a frenzy thinking the world is gonna end. What gave me solace was the fact that I was pretty sure my bank would replace all of the money because the same thing happened to me homie Ty when he was in Brazil. Only difference is they got him for much more!

Making Adjustments.
Ok, so I breathe deep and try to enjoy the remainder of my day. I was standing in the middle of the black pavement at the entrance of Six Flags Amusement, heat blazing on the back of my neck. I put my blackberry in my pocket and reached into the other one…I only had a couple of hundred bucks to my name. “Ok,” I thought. I’ll work this out Monday. Kept myself a little change for gas and spent the rest on groceries and gave little one a budget of 20 dollars at the park. I figured that would be cool until I could figure out how to get access to my emergency stash that I purposely set up in a way that I couldn’t get to it easily. It would take at least 5 business days for the emergency cash to show up so I just needed to make it until then..and payday.

I’m A Simple Girl.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from other cultures in terms of acquiring and maintaining wealth is that it is important to keep it simple. How is it that black people are the first mofos to cry broke but we are the community that consumes and blows our money the most? Why do you think companies bring ‘Urban’ experts in to help target us? They wanna know how we think so they can get even MORE of our money forever keeping us hemmed up in dependence and lack of stability.

Anything outside of bills, the babies, food and transport expenses is a luxury to me. The only thing I care about are those things, I pay myself, and then I put my money to work for me so I can be better off later. Being a 21 year old mom having no food, no car AND no money with a 5 year old and 6 week old baby was enough for me to study, do, and teach my girls. There comes a point when somebody has to step up and kick the generational curse. That would be me.

He Bounced.
When I got pregnant with my youngest girl he left. I was given an ultimatum, have an abortion or he takes a hike. Actually he said, “Have the baby and I’ll just disappear.” I hung up the phone and cried my eyes out. What’s done is done. I chose life and prepared myself to deal with the obstacles by totally erasing any thoughts of him being around ever. Some disagree, but my thing is I pick and choose my battles. I can’t make a man be a father to a beautiful little girl if he doesn’t want to. Karma takes care of all of that for me. Don’t get me wrong, I tried to do my part to get child support but the system has it set up so crazy that you just get lost and end up spending months waiting for them to tell you that they don’t know where he is to serve him. The issue is that he lives in LA and I am here. So essentially you’re dealing with two different government agencies that have no idea what the phuk they are doing because they are overloaded, underpaid, and understaffed thanks to those good ole republicans that feel the country budget could be better utilized elsewhere, like president Bush’s manicures and ‘personal’ assistants.

Hiring a private investigator and flying back and forth to LA wasn’t on my high list of priorities. Stay here and get money was a much easier and more productive approach. The only reason I would go look for him IS for money because I gave him an opportunity to be a father to her ‘first’, money aside. He flew here and spent a couple of days bonding with her before bouncing forever without any explanation to her or me. I warned him before hand, “Don’t come around here if you don’t plan on being a part of her life. I can get her a cell phone for you to call whenever you wanna talk.” I wanted to keep myself out of the equation, but that phone never rang.

Honestly. this is one of those deep dark things that I rarely talk about but the hurt and disappointment is definitely there and I’m working through it the best way I know how. It really isn’t about me personally, it’s about her, both of them. Little black girls need their fathers. I know I did and the father I did have was nothing. There’s your answer to how I ended up getting pregnant by not one but two irresponsible black men. I’m not a hoe, I was just looking for love in any way I thought I could get it.

This is one of those times where I could slap a n*****!!!!!

Every morning when I get up I tell myself everything that I need to hear in order to do my due diligence to self and make a positive leap into my day. Of course whenever I start speaking such – a deterrent always manifests in an attempt to launch the downward spiral of me potentially wallowing in a messed up day.

So this morning I’m up and at em, getting the day started. I go into my girls’ bedroom to make sure everyone’s up and getting themselves together. My little one was nowhere to be found until I heard sobs coming from the closet and peeked in. Her eyes were welding up with tears.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t have any sneakers that fit,” she burst into tears.


At first I wanted to get angry with her for waiting until Monday to tell me that her “shoes were too tight and her toe was pushing at the top.” I took her over the weekend (before the money drain) to look for shoes ‘just because’ and we couldn’t find anything she liked in her size so I said, “Let’s just wait so you can get exactly what you want.” She never mentioned that her sneakers were too small and I thought nothing of it because the pairs that she had were just purchased a little over a month ago! She’s recently hit a growth spurt.

So I said, “Why are you waiting until Monday morning before going to camp to tell me that your shoes are too small? Why didn’t you say anything when we went shopping?”

She just shrugged her shoulders and little crocodile tears ran down her face. I wanted to cry but couldn’t allow her to see me do so. Just looked for solutions.

“Flip flops,” I said reaching for a color that matched her outfit.

“Can’t wear those, I’ll get in trouble. We can only wear sneakers now,” she said.

“Sandals then,” I said just wanting to find a temporary fix until I could get things straight.

“No mommy. We can only wear sneakers and all of my shoes hurt my feet.”.

The Last Straw.
Ok, to see your child cry because they have no sneakers that fit and you don’t have any money because someone STOLE every penny you’ve earned is the most infuriating thing ever. I could feel my cheeks and ears getting hot so I just left the room, “Let me see what I can do,” I sighed.

Shoes. Gas. Shoes Gas. I paced my room and checked my wallet. Gotta have gas to get to work.

This is one of those times where I get so pissed the phuk off I can barely see straight. If I had help I would have been able to make sure my daughter had phukin sneakers on her feet when she told me she needed them!!! I’m not even empoverished so what the phuking phuk? We live ok now, but we could be living 100 times better if I had help.

Most of the times I just suck it up and deal because I don’t want my girls seeing me lose my cool over shyt like this, and I have to deal with my decisions made in life the best way I know how…with a smile and occasional cry in the dark. I haven’t had anything like this happen to me in a very long time so it kinda drudged up a lot of old stuff and reminded me of how much on my own I really am.

I guess the lesson learned from this is that we should all have a back up to our back up’s back up, cuz the majority of the Black American working class is one paycheck away from being broke. And Lord forbid somebody taking your shyt. You just never know what could happen.

I think it’s about that time. I’m going on a manhunt and I’m taking no phukin prisoners. He just better be ready cuz I’m that bytch right about now and I’m not messing around with the BS.

If you live in LA hit me up. I’ve got some work to do.

-black girl.


8 Comments so far
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I just found your blog about 2 days ago. I feel like you have been secretly taping my life:) I’m gonna tell ya what you already know. KEEP IT PUSHIN! It’s good/bad to know that we are all going thru the same mess. But going thru and even reading some of your older posts I know that I’m not alone. Trust and know YOUR NOT EITHER! Be encouraged you will get thru this mess, and the next mess and the next:)!

Comment by Tua

So so on point sis! I’m sure that every BGITC can relate and appreciate your honesty. Keep pushin’ and appreciate the beautiful struggle, you will rise.

Comment by TWIG

What does not kill you only makes you stronger Black…Keep pushing!!

Comment by Kisa tha Diva

I am so proud of you! I dont even know you but i am very impressed that you are paying yourself first and cutting out all the extras (i know its hard especially in our culture) And Amen, thank you Jesus and Praise the Lord for teachin your girls to do the same and breakin them generational curses!

And as far as growing up and raising children without a father, i definitely commend you for not runnin after the dead beats who just dont know no better. But I think we can agree that POSITIVE male role models are important especially for black girls.

Be encouraged and just know that your hard work will pay off!

Comment by TbeenITsince87

SO true…got a 6 month old and was given the same ultimatum…sorry black men has got to stop and start helping take care of there kids…i know that day will come when it so overwhelming and all i will be able to think of is HELP!!! so i commend you for doing it by yourself for so long, my time is coming and i am so prepared!! love ya BGITC

Comment by ms key

Black Girl, keep doing da do. Your reward is coming and you are not alone.

Comment by cherrylocs

everytime i read your work, from the old myspace blogs to this one, I cant help but to think how proud your girls will be of you when they reach the age when they can truly understand how hard life is and how hard you must’ve worked to provide for them pretty much alone all of their lives. im sure they see it now, but once they get a little older, im sure their respect for you will only continue to grow. and if theres one thing i know about you, its this: l.a. better watch his back, because you.always.mean.bizness.!
love you tooooooooo much darling!!!!
and i miss you!

Comment by Raven

Damn this shit was good. I felt like a fly on the wall. Much respect.
Second… I’ve have that SOMEONE STEALING YOUR MONEY shit happen to me RECENTLY… and your safety net me so fucking safe, it’s like fort knox getting to it. The shit makes you feel like you’re life’s in shambles.

Dope blog.

Comment by Mimi

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