Black Girl In The City.


detox day 23 – claiming my crown.
July 16, 2008, 2:48 pm
Filed under: The Detox Files | Tags: , ,

Crystal by Parris.

“You’re kinda like a hippie,” Doc said. His laugh made me laugh a little too. “No, seriously you just have a really good heart.” ….

My long time friend was doing some teaching to me this evening. Just one of those ‘right on time’ conversations, like there’s someone you can’t hear or see tuning in to what you need and making sure you get it quick order style. In all of the years I’ve known him (6 or so), today marked that moment where he allowed himself to be a vehicle in order to get my hard headed non-self listening behind to pay attention…just like the others.

I can’t even go into everything he said, but in all of it every bit was real talk. Suddenly I realized what this whole thing has been about. My initial idea of Detox was to get rid of the vices in my life that I felt were distractions, i.e. sex and mean green. Relapsed on the latter but that will be no more. When I wasn’t wasting an hour away staring out of the window thinking of how many different ways I would love to get the good good, I was pondering whether or not to break my second commitment. Failure isn’t an option for me so I had to take it seriously and find better ways to release my energy. That would be a little bit of gym work, lots of water and prayer. Eventually the prayer thing became random talks…and now I see what the Detox thing had been about all along: Enhancing my spiritual relationship by removing the things that blocked it (and) my sight.

When you’re connected to the higher power in a way where you feel the presence around you all of the time your bravery is ten fold. I began to challenge and test everything. Most often myself because I wanted to get this thing right. Soon the tests came on their own and I either passed or failed. The majority of them I’ve passed and the others I’m not even sure about! So this whole simple idea of getting rid of bad habits turned into exactly what I’d been praying for. “To clear out everything within myself and around me and replace it with what’s right, essential, true and enhances my quality of life.”

When I tell you the past few weeks have been a part of the Great Clean Out I am so not kidding. Every single area of my life was turned about, shaken up, and thrown down and it’s still not over. The shakeup was crazy but what was left standing when the dust settled was the true measurement of my prayers being answered. There was nothing. I could call for miles and hear my echo. Talk about a culture shock. This was one of those times where I had to choose. Glass half empty? Glass half full. There was nobody around me that could tell me the answer to what I was too untrustworthy to tell myself. Honestly, I was sinking and breaking at this point. “You go into this turtle shell and run away then you isolate yourself from everyone and everything instead of dealing with the things you need to deal with. Then, when you come out you really haven’t learned anything so you’re back at ground zero.” Doc was handing it down. So now I am standing in the middle of nowhere with a choice to make and no shell to hide into. To someone like me that’s equivalent to torture. I was in a straight panic which is why I needed someone to snatch me back on the asap.

After Doc’s talk I went into some kinda introverted deep thinking trance disconnecting me mentally from everything around me. “I knew there was a reason I talked to you today,” he laughed. If he only knew how much weight that conversation carried. Later on I skipped over to B’s house to drop off some papers and hang for a minute. I should have stayed home with the mood I was in but there was something I now know I was intended to hear. Eventually I just left and came home. It wasn’t till late that I realized the answer to the mother of all answers had come twice to me today. Through two people that are very in touch with their spiritual selves and know me on a level that most don’t. B: “There are very few people I meet that have that ‘it’. You have it. And once you fill that void and find that missing piece you are going to take off.” He thinks I don’t pay attention but I hear everything. 🙂 Doc: “I’ve seen you grown over the years and you’ve become someone great, but now you’re at a point where you need to choose your path and follow it in spite of. You need to believe (in yourself) and move because you are destined to be greater than even what you can see. Not only do I want you to claim your crown, I want you to wear it.” That’s when I understood that certain indivuals in my life shared a common mission. Each and every one of them believed in me and understood their purpose in my life by accepting everything I had to offer. Even if at times what I gave was a little next to nothing. In fact, they’d been there all along and the feeling of being alone was just a crafty illusion. It’s crown claiming time.

-black girl.

Advertisements

7 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Wow! This is so inspiring!! I am strongly considering retiring my cigarellos myself. Its just that now never seems like the right time! I am not sure I can handle what comes next…reading your posts make me feel less anxious about it! You are doing great!

Comment by Keelah

You are the illest!!! Always know that we are listening and watching the transformation of great to greatest. Peace and Blessings.

Comment by 3 Piece Suit with no shoes on

this entry hit me so close to home..im with u on everything..

Comment by gigi

WOW!!! I came across this website by accident last month, from concreteloop.com and have been hooked ever since! I read this today and felt the same way…there are a lot of distractions in my life and I think I am in need of detoxing myself. No one said it would be easy, but its a risk I am willing to take. Thanks!! (I’m ready GOD!)

Comment by Ready to let go....

black girl i swear you got it in spades. this post was right on time

Comment by 3 Piece

You are amazing!!! I think it’s incredible that you’re able to assess your situations with such articulation. It’s a pity that some situations are, in a sense, universal to most Black women, and reading this helps us (your readers) grow as you grow. So, thank you!

Comment by Char

I love this!! It reminds me of a friend of mine that always mentions “the crown”. She’s always saying how we are royalty, we are God’s princesses, and sometimes we need to adjust our crown from so much that we go through. Our crown may teeter totter, but with a little bit of adjusting, and we’re back in business!

I love this. You are awesome. 😀 You keep it goin’ princess! *xoxo*

Comment by Frannie




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s