Black Girl In The City.

Back in the Game pt. 1: slim pickins!
July 26, 2008, 2:58 am
Filed under: Back in the Game, Dating N Stuff | Tags: ,

In one of my last posts I said that I’d have to get out there if I wanted to leave other things and people behind. But I’ve been thinking about it and I’m actually not sure if I can do the whole dating thing at all and for a while. I have my reasons but you already know. Had a conversation with my homeboy today. One of our many talks about life, people and yea yea yea MEN! He’s a musician married to a beautiful wife and they both have an adorable baby boy. Of anything I can appreciate about him its his willingness to keep it real and frank with me all day everyday. He often times shares with me the elements of black marriage from the man’s perspective. We all need ppl like that in our lives. Our conversation started when he sent me an email with photos from a parking lot wedding ;-)…

ME: Shiiiit lol – im not sure about marriage for real doe. lol

LP: What? Really? Why not?

ME: *shaking head* I don’t know

LP: Really.. Wow.. I think you just haven’t found the one.

ME: Im not looking either! lolol

LP: Well. Ok. So what is it that you want?

ME: *here is where I go on and on with my laundry list lol*

What I want? Hmmm the basics and someone that is on my level or above. I want love and acceptance, great sex and romance. I want to be appreciated, valued, adored, trusted and free to be who I am in his presence. I want a man with family values and a desire to move ahead and remain progressive. I want a man that embraces my girls as his own by giving them what they need in terms of what a black man should be to his woman. I want him to be financially savvy but not stingy or afraid to live life. He should appreciate my drive for being bigger and better and not feel threatened or insecure because I am a business woman and not a home maker. He should value the arts and be my biggest fan. He should be objective and intelligent, able to hold a conversation. He should have great taste and etiquette and know how to behave in any given setting…from the streets to the board room. His family is his top priority, his swag is ridiculous and when I look at him I see a beauty that can never fade. Above all he is on his shit and as a team we enhance our impact on the world. I only ask these things because they are what I have to offer at minimal. If I can’t have them I’ll have nothing at all.

LP: Well BG. You might just have nothing at all then. Lol. You want a lot. And most of the men out here can’t give you all that. A very small percentage of men out there are like that. VERY SMALL.. You may have to look outside your race to find that person. Dating outside your race can be tuff at times though. Who I really feel sorry for is your girls. They will have an even smaller percentage of BLACK men to choose from.

ME: That’s what my biggest fear is and I think about it every day. Outside of my race is not totally out of the question but I think I’d have a hard time having a man that could handle me. I don’t want someone I can boss around, I need a break from being the boss. I think I’ve accepted the state we’re in when it comes to our people, dating, relationships, marriage, etc. As time goes on options that were once there will soon be obsolete…but we shall see. I’ve sadly accepted the possibility of being solo for the long haul and yea, its disappointing, but the only thing I can do is learn to live with it and love myself and the girls as much as I possibly can. At the end of the day that’s all any of us can do.

LP: True indeed.


*A downer for your friday but hey it’s the truth. Yea there’s hope and possibility in everything but I won’t ride on it because life holds no promises. It just is what it is! I know one thing…I sure as hell won’t be getting married in someone’s barb wired parking lot. Not my style. lol

-black girl.


11 Comments so far
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I saw this and thought at first WOW was the church that expensive (I thought that was a church van) that they had to get married in the parking lot then someone said it was an apt complex…I was dead at that…guess since we’re in a recession folks trying to cut corners where they can LOL

As you can see I have nothing to say concrete about this topic cause it’s Friday and I dont wanna do that much thinking HAHAHA

Comment by Honey-Libra

You know what I’m saying? I’m on that chick stuff today so you already know. Maybe the pic is a sign that I need to take my behind to church but…in this day and age what difference does that make? HAPPY FRIZZLE! lol

Comment by blackgirlinthecity

I got that pic in my email and I was like at least they went all out for the dress tux and so forth lol but side bar……and important note is what you want for yourself isn’t far fetched its what you deserve whole heartedly. Im a fellow black woman who wants the same damn things and your right not to settle- we as women have to know our values at best – and it sucks because with so many donkey women out there just settling for what these men ‘want’ to dish it allows a vicious cycle- so we can only pray for our future young women that they can over come all of this and have all they deserve in life. And thats the only thinking ive done for the day DAMN U BLACK GIRL lol

Comment by Miss Underst00d

After reading your blog today … I feel u on the “what u want”
Sometimes people think they need a laundary list of things they want in their man… When you make a list for wants think about where u are right now… If the role was reversed would you be able to give what u expect to receive? Part of having any type of relastionship is meeting where u are at that moment and growning from there. Men typically are not where we want them to be…. As we teach men how we want to be treated they either get down or lay down…

As usual your writings have been on point

Live, Laugh, Love
Brown Sugga

Comment by Brown Sugga

Ok…that pic is hella funny. I feel you thru and thru in what your expectations are. Thanks for articulating because I was nodding my head in agreement while I’m reading at the same time, like “yeah, that’s what you would call a total package, with a bright red bow on top”. You are the REALEST!

Happy Frizzle back at ya!

Comment by Sasha

unfortunately a lot of them lay down in laziness…with the chick three doors down that’s much easier and willing to settle. we can teach all day but when she’s on deck and giving free head sessions why stay in class to listen to another upstanding black woman womp womp womp about everything he doesn’t want to hear? Guess the basics have become ‘novelties’ and too much to ask from any man.

Comment by Malika

They could have at least done it in a park or something. There might have been strangers at the wedding but they would have better photos…
As far as what kind of man you’re looking for I think a lot of us want the same things. There are going to be flaws of course, no is perfect. Another thing is you have to be able to recognize “your man” when the opportunity comes, hindsight is 20/20. I used to tell people I wanted a renaissance man, someone who can handle all kinds of environments. I almost missed out on love with my current BF, met him 2 yrs ago when I was caught up with THE WRONG dude, by the time I realized what I missed he had a girlfriend. Luckily I got another chance and it’s almost everything I wanted. But it’s definitely everything I need. Be patient, hold down your girls. He’ll come to you when it’s right.

Comment by Kitty Cleopatra

I F E E L you.
You just described MY man…obviously a man I don’t have (unfortunately) but one that I want to find. And just like you said, I’d rather have it all, or nothing at all. And I get the same response ….”you want too much Lola, so you may just be left with nothing. ”
That’s cool. I’m only 23..I haven’t the slightest idea what kind of men are out there in the WORLD, since I have yet to see the world, so I’ll stick to my vision of MY man.

Comment by Lola

I agree with you 100% that there are slim pickings when it comes to available men. I had a 30 year old man tell me that I want men to jump through hoops to get with me. All I said is I want a gentleman…common sense things that all men should do, or so I thought. If I have to settle for less I would rather be myself.

Comment by CrazySexyWeird

Amen sister. I hear that. I think if most of us thought in this perspective, men would bring their standards up on how they treat women.

Comment by Jayla James

Well, as a 28 year old black man, I find it hard trying to meet a black woman who meets all my standards, which are very simple….When I tell women that I am in graduate school and all my time is wrapped up into that, they have a problem with it….What’s wrong with bettering yourself?? I hope one day I can find my queen who will appreciate a strong, black, and educated man….

Comment by LRH

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