Black Girl In The City.

back in the game pt.2: ugh!
August 2, 2008, 5:44 am
Filed under: Back in the Game, Dating N Stuff | Tags:

I’d just wound myself down for the evening. Camped out in my bed donned in glasses, a laptop, a good book and a few magazines. I was on my Friday late night nerdy flow working on a synopsis when he called.

This guy would be some slick street name that I didn’t even remember. I tried to run my usual pimp move and ask him, “How do you spell your name again?” But he called me on it and I wasn’t shamed. Gotta make me want to remember you.

Why does it always work like this? When you’re not concerned about the whole boo’d up thing or want to be involved with someone men come out of the woodwork starving to be put on. Even though I’m less than interested most times every now and then I do stop my flow to take a look at the options. In this particular case I was just bored as hell and needed to do something different. This dude spends at least fifteen minutes hinting around about seeing a late night movie. He’d done it before and I ignored him but decided to help him be assertive this time…yawned and blurted, “Ok ill go to the movies with you.” Guess I caught him by surprise because he paused for a couple seconds before stuttering, “Oh ok that’s what’s up.” (Go see Stepbrothers. Hilarious!)

So we meet up and he already has the tickets. Not only did I forget his name I didn’t remember his features either. I met and chatted with him through a cloud of patron and winter fresh gum on our first encounter at MJQ (rave spot). Nonetheless I prepared myself for the worst and promised to laugh at him after we parted if he was not so good looking lol. If so I’d deserve it. The perfect payback for meeting men under the influence of the evil one in a glass when I knew better.

I donned sneakers, jeans and a t-shirt as I dialed his number to see what lucky man would ring me his way. Ok. So. He wasn’t butt ugly but he still reminded me of one of those little troll dolls that I obsessed over as a youngin. He had scattered patches of hair tracing his jaw bone and chin. His not so good attempt to grow a beard? Who knows. He was my height. (I’m 5’1). I’m not knocking short dudes…actually I know a few fine ones – but you gotta at least be taller than me if only by an inch. I don’t wanna feel like I’m hugging my damn self! I gave him a loose gripped hug and we headed toward the theatre. As we’re walking he fans his hand toward the concessions and asks, “You want something babe?” I didn’t answer right away because I was stuck in a web of sheer horror and nausea when I saw his CLAWS! I was on a date with Edward effin scissor hands yo!

I eventually managed to shake my head “no” as little tingles ran up my spine and pricklies played hop scotch on my arms. Certainly he had a reason for not cutting his dirt traps, or maybe used that hand for something special. Surely a man wouldn’t cherish his nails so much that he’d let them grow over an inch long. (shaking head) At least get a french manicure. He kept asking me where I wanted to sit and I honestly didn’t care. I just prayed he wouldn’t grab my hand. I tried to text the terror to Kimora but he was all in my shyt and even had the nerve to say, “You’re doing work at midnight? You work a lot.” His kind and gentle way of suggesting that he wanted my undivided attention and preferred not to share it with my phone. What ever… Cut ya nails ninja.

During the entire movie I leaned the opposite way and crossed my leg the same. Aside from the occasional thoughts of him accidentally scratching me and dying right there in theatre I was ok. When the movie was over I jetted quick when he started hinting about going somewhere else. Hell no scratch n sniff! I don’t even know if he realized how much his lack of claw clipping was costing him on his quest for pirate’s booty cause this pirate was setting sail never to be seen again.

He didn’t call me and I didn’t call him. The ILK factor was so thick in the air that I’m sure he could smell it and got the hint.

What a freak.

-black girl.


11 Comments so far
Leave a comment

This…was hilarious. I cracked up when you called him a ninja.

Comment by Amore

I knew a dude once who just let the pinky nail grow out. yuck.

Comment by Amy Rose

You know what the pinky nail means don’t you? He visits the powder room often. 😦

Comment by blackgirlinthecity

Why you share homies plight…lmao

Comment by The Standard

bwahahaha! french tips, lol, really?? idont think anything was gonna make that situation better. i was hoping he wouldve accidently scratched you during the movie just to hear your reaction. im sure you wouldve either cussed him out or screamed in horror.
ugh! i kinda feel sorry for him…but then again, theres no excuse for a grown man rockin’ the scissorhands.

Comment by Raven

I’m imagining your horror at his nails, lol. I’ve never been unfortunate enough to date someone who let their fingernails grow out like they think they’re Coco from SWV. (Remember the claws? lol). But I have seen me with nails that long and it just grosses me out! WTF!

Comment by Starr

LOOOL! That is too funny!! An actual “lol” moment behind my laptop screen. Oh gosh.. taht would be my worse nightmare though, it’s just wrong in so many ways.. I can’t even handle seeing girls with extra long nails.. let alone guys! Ew. lmao “he started hinting about going somewhere else. Hell no scratch n sniff!” <– lol.. ok sorry ima stop. Bye! lol

Comment by LovexHate

Hilare! Don’t you luv those freebies that you wish you had just paid for and went by self?!?

Comment by TWIG

you gon get me fired. im crackin up at work. too funny

Comment by ebony

Hilarious. Like the previous post said… I too had an LOL moment behind my computer screen!
I would have bailed right there, thought about all the things I could be doing. If I don’t know someone, and they show up looking like Wolverine, I’m not trynna get to know them, or waste my evening in their presence. The story had me in straight shivers. lol.

Comment by Lola

LMFAO@scratch n sniff!
OMFG…ur the worst sorry u went thru that

Comment by gigi

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