So, I’ve been pretty busy getting settled into my new place, which I absolutely LOVE!!!!! It’s much bigger and I never have to do my own laundry again! That’s why I haven’t been able to update you guys on what’s been going on…and a heck of a lot has! Not to mention the tons of emails I’ve been getting for ‘Ask Black Girl’. Overwhelming response and I’m diggin it…but you guys are sending me doosies that I actually have to THINK about before answering lol. Challenge is good – I’ll be posting responses soon. Hold tight!
On another note, I think I’m way too nice to people that don’t deserve to have any sort of access to my life PERIOD. I guess I try to appease or let linger because I don’t like enemies or bad blood despite how things have gone down but forget it. I don’t have to be nice to anyone that doesn’t show me the same respect. My therapist has referred to me as passive aggressive, and now that I have an understanding of what it is I totally see it as true in my case. “Be direct with your expressions of displeasure,” he said, “If you don’t like something…speak up.” Ok, so I’m speaking up then…(yea i’m on that today)
There was a recent situation where I’d allowed my girls to be a part of something that I felt was going to be great and felt they should actively participate in. They were excited. In that they’d acquired a liking and admiration for someone I’ve chosen not to deal with anymore. This is why I am extremely protective of them because you just never know. In this case I made the mistake in thinking that I knew. My youngest asked about this person on not one but two occasions in the past couple of weeks. Rather than make her privy to the mishaps that are of no child’s concern, I just told her that there thing was no more. When I saw her disappointment I brought it up to them, sent them a message about it, they didn’t even respond. Yet I’ve heard from them when they wanted something they thought I had. I haven’t said anything because that’s what I do (passive aggressive). I just had to let my little one know what the deal was and that we weren’t involved in the former any longer. And funny, I didn’t even bash or talk bad to either of them about this person, I just said ‘it’s over’ and left it at that because the extra stuff isn’t necessary. But I have to make it known that I don’t care what has happened with you and the adult, if they tell you that a child that has taken a liking to you has asked about you more than once, at least acknowledge it by responding, never ever ignore. My girls had even chosen to have this person be their legal guardian in the event something ever happened to me. A choice THEY made from the options they were given and had nothing to do with me.
You’d think this person would not take that note lightly given the things they themselves have seen and have been through concerning children. I don’t even think they realize how self absorbed and selfish they are because if they did they’d understand that the drama created in their lives stems from that trait in itself. We all have our issues, but a wise one corrects them and at least tries to do better by making peace with those affected or hurt by their actions. NOT INDIRECTLY BUT DIRECTLY. But I guess those are things we have to recognize within ourselves, same as I had to. That’s why I don’t throw rocks and if I do, I clean them up the best I can and admit my wrong doings.
Regardless of how many fits and countless books I’ve sent to help them ‘see’ the picture from a different perspective, they still have not and will not acknowledge DIRECTLY the damage that they leave behind concerning women (at least not on my watch). Yea, I’m not just the only one but yet I am STILL the bad guy which is horrible and heart breaking. I may talk about it here but best believe I’ve admitted my mistakes and addressed my issues directly as well. I won’t even get on the situation where someone I called friend smiled in my face as she secretly poisoned my reputation, personal and business relationships that I am still in the process of getting over today. Stuck the knife in my back and twisted it without mercy. But you know, at least this person apologized, which is why I can be cordial when I MUST deal with them on a business aspect. They have my respect in that regard. But I still don’t have to be nice. For what?!
I was doing a little work here and reading some old stuff thinking…WTF am I doing? Why am I being cordial to someone that could care less about even apologizing or addressing something with me directly? They are still enjoying the value and knowledge that I brought along and shared with them, but instead of respecting that, they write stupid ass hate poems about me like I am the demon from hell when I never did anything but try to help them. Really? I said, “Oh I’m not going to be silly and feed into that energy and talk about it here, blah blah,” but NO. I have to put it out there for myself at least because not doing things the way I want to for the sake of others is the very thing that gets my behind bamboozled in the first place. In the end I end up pulling a Freddy C. on em slashing with my words and dumping all of the things I tried to avoid addressing – ultimately making the person feel lower than shyt. That’s not the right thing to do to anyone no matter who they are and how much you feel they deserve it. Words are more powerful than action and you end up being the offender too just for feeling wronged. Most times this is never good because habitual offenders sometimes don’t even realize that they are offending until you say something.
I’ve been watching their moves…what they say, what they are doing and I’m sick of the cheap shots. People are only going to see what they want to, even if their lenses are distorted…and for that I don’t have to be nice to them. Not in public, not in cyberspace, not anywhere. Being nice when its not earned or warranted gets you nowhere but angry and left to get over something you could have prevented by not caring so much. And this is the last time I’ll speak on it….just so you know. Some of that hurt still lingers, but I’m on the last leg, and last leg says I don’t have to be anything that I shouldn’t or want to be. Including nice. Unfortunately for them, the grace period for reconciliation and open accountability has ended. It’s ok to move on and find higher ground (we all should do this)…but its only an illusion if ’empathy’ hasn’t become the fabric of your character.
And stop writin’ shyt about me lol.
*update: I even hate to admit I’m pissed and upset but I am. And this is the very reason why I never spoke up for myself to begin with. Seems like when you have something to say and communicate your dislikes, people turn cold and always have something to say or do. So they hit me up here and said, you made your bed now lay in it. Question: Why are you commenting on my blog when we don’t even speak? Why do you see it fit to write a response and throw in your two cents? Did I say anything about all of the shyt you wrote? In fact I only had positive things to say ‘in spite of’. But that’s the difference between you and I. Why not take ownership and pick up the phone and say, you know this is silly we don’t have to be friends and whatever I did to make you feel a certain way even if I didn’t do it knowingly I apologize. I tried to do that on my end even though I didn’t have to.
Everything I said and he still doesn’t get it. But its not my concern anymore I guess. I’ll just say again as I’ve said before, seduction and mind play are very serious and dangerous games. Unveling the whole truth AFTER you’ve done your mastery doesn’t make you right and dismiss you from fault because you tried to be honest. And no you were not honest up front, and you did not give me the opportunity to see enough for me to make the call myself. You admitted that you plotted and seduced the women you were involved with and calculated every move to make them your own personal slave. That would make any woman curse and say foul things in tears. My mistake was trying to hang on to something that I shouldn’t have BECAUSE of my character and commitment. God or Allah removed me from your life? Look at where your arrogance and lack of accountablity as gotten you. In this case it was the other way around once I came to my own realizations and saw the truth for myself. Toxic situation my behind. You had it made and ruined it because of carelessness and selfishness. Even when the world said bounce I stayed because I said I would. Subjected myself to things I shouldn’t have for my own reasons and feelings of self-worth. Read the last sentence of this blog again – finding a higher power is great, but its only an illusion if empathy isn’t the fabric of your character. If you’d had that trait you would have understood a long time ago but…it’s all about you like its always been. You do what you want because you feel like it without caring about anyone else. I understood the reason behind it but still, you should not ever hurt innocent people and make them pay for something someone else did to you. I don’t know how many other ways I can say that. I just hate that I made it all about you too hoping I would get the same in return without having to ask. Shame on me and yes, I DO deserve the best in life, along with my girls that you have wished well without my regard. Keep them out of your mouth because to dismiss my worth is to dismiss them. My character is evident in them as they are untarnished reflections of ME. I deserve what’s right and fair and you know that shyt because you said it yourself. And that my friend is why you are not around. Hopefully this has been your last and final lesson in this area of life, its certainly been mine…no matter how bad it feels. You’ve insulted my character many times so this is where I draw the line.
-Ms. Nice No More.
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