Black Girl In The City.

Chivalry is dead and women have clearly killed it?
October 3, 2008, 8:28 am
Filed under: Public Opinion | Tags:

Hmmm so, a little ways back I posted video of a chick slapping a dude and the dude reacting and so forth. Thanks to all who commented, but one caught my eye in particular…


Chivalry is dead. Well, women clearly killed it.

You can take this video for instance. Although I agree with you when you say that its instinct to hit back, as a man myself, I’d say that MOST men would not. When it comes to women, we try to take that “second for your brain to register and comply with a non-reactive approach” that ms. black girl mentioned. But I think that women, such as the one in this video, have started taking advantage of this consideration that men have. Ironically, many of these women are feminist, believing in equality.

And thats the sought of reasoning why we don’t give u the seat on a full bus, why we don’t open doors for you, why we don’t even put the seat down anymore. Because of the equality woman sought after, and the most men’s innate consideration for women thats been taken advantage of. The probability of you not finding a seat is the same as mine, it takes the same energy for me to open up a door as for you, and its just as much a hassle for me to put the seat down as for you to. Chivalry is dead. Women clearly killed it.

(Just to make this clear; I am not justifying the guy’s actions. He is clearly not one of the ‘most men’ I speak of. I am just criticizing the girl’s actions. Also, I am not targeting the women of this blog what so ever; most women here agree with me about the girl being just as wrong as the guy.)

Anxiously awaiting for some critics,


So, sir. You got your wish now where are my critics? I gotta lotta thoughts on this but I wanna hear what the crew has to say on it first.

-black girl.


14 Comments so far
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I’ll take the honor of leaving the first critique. But lemme start off by stating that the idea that it is impolite for a man to strike a woman has to do with the fact that they’re bigger and more capable of causing damage. It has nothing to do with women being socially equal to men. I’m all for the progression of women in society making the same executive decisions as men, being independent, and being self-sufficient. But no matter how far women succeed in society, men will still be physically more powerful; it’s science. It’s the same idea as having respect for our elders. I believe being a 20-year-old female, I should have the same voting rights as a 70-year-old man but at the same time, it would be completely unacceptable if I were to hit a 70-year-old man. Not because we’re not equal but he’s more fragile than I am (unless he’s on some type of steroids). Same idea as giving up my seat for elders & handicap persons. Then the idea of men giving up a seat for a woman or opening the car door… that’s just being polite. If a man is trying to please a woman, he should do these things to show that he really cares about her. But if he doesn’t care then it shouldn’t matter.

Comment by allie

You are absolutely correct, you ladies have killed chivalry, I use to be a straight up gentleman. I would send edible arrangements, flowers, and sometime just a quick email, not to mention always opening the door for any and every lady that i ever met. it wasn’t that i wanted anything in return, mostly it was how i was raised. I was raised to always treat women with respect and like a queen. (Which I always did, ask every girl that I dated or was in a relationship they would agree).

But women don’t appreciate that anymore, its more or less about what a dude can buy, or if its not that than its the whole self centered female attitude especially with african american women.
Women clearly want to be the MAN of relationships, they want to be the bread winners, and they basically want ish their way, so I’m basically like moma do you, let your dildo open up the door for you and send you roses.


Comment by Wally

interesting post ksukh. you certainly have a point. equality between men and women certainly hasn’t been achieved in the workplace, but major progress is being made. and in social circles and everyday life, women have just about all the same options as men now (if even more, since masculine traits are acceptable in women, but feminine traits aren’t in men).

so, what’s this chivalry thing all about in the first place. well, its origins lay in the fact that men are expendable for a village. if there were fewer men, then all the women could still become pregnant and procreate (albeit, with just the one guy left). however, if there were fewer women, well, now the chances of procreating go down because men can’t become pregnant. basically, the ability of a group of people to continue to have more babies is limited only by the number of women – not by the number of men.

men are expendable. women are vital.

and thus, this is why our women are ‘taken care of’, they must be protected. over time, this grew into ‘chivalry’ as people became more civilized – – especially in uppity circles, where life wasn’t really threatening anymore. it became about ‘manners’ – not survival.

however, as our society has developed, and fewer and fewer people fight for ‘survival’ – there’s aren’t really a lot of wild animals running around threatening our existence – men have become less relevant as necessary for survival for women. women can take care of themselves. CLEARLY! isn’t that what so much of this very blog celebrates?!

so what does that mean? that means that, as a society, “we’re young” when it comes to full social equality. women aren’t taught “feminine chivalry”. let’s call it “chivalrette”. Chivalrette is a threat to continued progress for women’s equality. Why should a woman do anything for a man, when men are set up clearly to do it for themselves all their life? And women are still pushing for all those same opportunities?! (Which, really, they have – they just don’t get paid the same for them. And they still have to deal with ignant insecure dumbasses who are threatened by a strong lady.)

SO, IN FACT, chivalry isn’t dead. Its just being balanced with lack of chivalrette. As more strong women are enlightened enough to hold the door open for a man carrying a box, the strong men that have held on to their chivalry will be attracted to those women. Its when a woman is in a position of power – like in the video – and she doesn’t know what to do with it, that she takes advantage of a man.

Where did the chivalry go when the guy got slapped? That was a weak man. HE didn’t have it. He just ‘reacted’. I can’t blame him. But I wouldn’t have done it. I would have sued the crap out of her and the tv production company, and walked away with a fat check. That would have been a REAL win. But all this is beside the point.

What’s my point? Chivalry isn’t dead. Its just only present when its deserved by the woman, and when the man is secure in himself around that deserving woman.

Problem is, too many men have been burned by undeserving women, and are too weak to do the right thing when a deserving woman IS around.

That’s why a good man is hard to find. They’ve by un-deserving women in the past. (Which, btw, those un-deserving women could have been their mothers – – but that’s a completely different topic.)

Comment by Nyny

I do believe chivalry is dead and that’s a problem. It should not matter if a female is independent and wants to be equal to her male counterparts. Giving up your seat or opening the door is just being polite. I will admit their are some females who take advantage of that and give the rest of us a bad name. But there is no reason for those bad seeds to make up the whole percent of females. I feel good when I see a guy holding the door for when he sees me walking behind him. Just like I know it makes him feel good when I smile and say thank you. I also feels good a guy offers me his seat on a crowded train. I may decline and say I’m fine thank you but Its truly apperciated. If a female doesn’t apperciate your kindness towards her then allow her to open her own doors and stand all day on the crowded bus. Just turn to the next one and say “Would you like my seat?”


Comment by Nik

you got it Nik. the men need to not let the bad-seed women take their politeness from them. cuz then they when.

just like the terrorist win when we vote out of fear. but that’s another post. GOBAMA! 😉

Comment by Nyny

I just don’t understand why “independent” women would need chivalry? If we are all equal, why do women need to be a protected class, with the same rights as men, yet they expect to still be treated as fragile porcelain dolls. If anyone can offer compelling arguments to support this premise, i would be open to it. but as yet, I have not heard any reason to believe chivalry shouldn’t be dead. Can anyone show me without appealing to emotion, or begging the question? If not, this thread is null and void!

Comment by Bobby_2010

Chivalry is definitly dying as we speak. Before we can make an attempt to define it and why we should do it, we must recognize what we’re up against. The media has exploited the value of women and has conditioned the younger generation to percieve women as objects, pieces of meat or serving nothing more but a particular purpose rather than actual equals. Booty shakin’ and half naked chicks on the majority of music videos (hmm..BET) has made this thing we call chivalry dead from here and beyond. It all starts in the head.

Comment by sumptinew

The problem isn’t that equality as much as it is polite behavior and respect. A man is to be chivalrous and a woman is to be ladylike. Too many women don’t appreciate chivalry. I can’t count the number of times I’ve held doors for women in this city and they walk through without so much as a thank you. As a percentage, I have more men thank me for holding doors than women. I think women who behave that way are telling men, loud and clear, that they won’t appreciate a man, that they are selfish, and that they’ll bounce the second they find someone who they can get a little bit more from. No thank you. I’ll take a woman of character. Which the woman in the video was not. She made a decision that had obvious consequences and she got them. Hopefully she’ll wise up. Hopefully he will too.

BTW, if there are any doubters, there are definitely women of character out there, I have the pleasure of knowing several of them.

Comment by Anonizzle

This is a deep topic and I have something completely different I need to post in my blog, so I have to make it quick before I lose my train of thought.
I think ksukh was right in his observation. I think a lot of women scream balance yet expect different kind of treatment. It’s like having a womsn work construction, but giving her the easier jobs to do just because she’s not as physically adept to carry out the same work as some of the men, and yet paying her the same salary.
That’s just not fair. I understand the female physique is not built for more heavy jobs, but they shouldn’t be applying for the position in the first place then.
I think manners don’t depend on whether you’re male of female. Opening doors and such are the polite things to do, but they shouldn’t be carried out only by men toward females. I open my own doors, and giggle when guys that try to impress me open the doors for me. But I don’t expect that off nobody. I open the doors for people all the time, and I give my seat to elders all the time, but I would never expect a man to get up off his seat for me, just because I’m a female. I can stand just the same way the guy can. I would be surprised if a guy got up and gave me his seat, I’d actually feel weird. I’d feel as if something is wrong with me for him asking me to sit down instead of him. Wouldn’t you??
And as far as the woman slapping the guy…I can’t say I would have done the same thing on television, but if someone was arrogant enough, and wanted to start a brawl, they could get it. If someone disrespected me in any way (i.e grabing my bootay when I’m walking in the club, trynna grab my wrist and hold me back as I’m walking, trying to spit on me, embarass me in front of people – I KNOW these are the extremes) they would get a slap JUST like that, and not because I take advantage of a guy’s niceness, but because I feel the need to stand up for myself. I beleive in women and men being equal, but I accept our differences, yet I behave myself based on my own ethics and my own expectations I have set upon myself.

Comment by Lola P

Goodness. All I need to say really is I hear well some women didn’t appreciate me so I stopped acting right.
You shouldn’t ever let anyone dictate how you act either way.
If you are polite you don’t do those things for appreciation you do them because they are a reflection of you and a reflection of the world you want to be in.

Also that is really stupid to say having equal rights has anything to do with opening a door or being polite.
Are you saying that because they get flowers women should earn less? Well if you look at it rationally a woman has more expenses than a man and there are more women than men so we should make more right?
All that stuff that guys like”heels,lingerie,make-up”etc costs money you want a girl to look like Beyonce but it costs thousands of dollars to resemble that idea.
I think men and women should be there for each other.

Comment by alwaysalady

I’m sorry but women have not killed chivalry but lazy ass men that’s done that. And don’t even try to convince me that it started with equality. Just because women want equal pay and respect in the workforce doesn’t mean we don’t want to FEEL like a woman around our men. Whether it’s standing up to give your seat or opening the door, it reminds us that there our men out there that want us to feel good. Men expect you to up lift them and their egos, give em backrubs, look good and stand by em but when we don’t we’re foul. We aint kill chivalry, you all just don’t want to put in the work but expect women to, give me a break.

Comment by Kristina


Comment by blackgirlinthecity


I agree woman are not as appreciative, I’m one (wait, I was one). I can admit that. I’m sure my inability to show affection, my “independence”, and selfishness plays a big part. I don’t do the flower thing, and if he does the door thing it’s whatever. I was also the “cool girl” though so those things didn’t matter, key word “didn’t”.

I’ve learned that chivalry is complimenting. If he opens the door he has a sense of respect for me/women. If he sends me flowers, he’s thinking of me, and that’s sweet. Shoot, he returned my call, OW!!! lol But on a serious note. I’ve learned to embrace and accept it.

So, with that said chivalry isn’t dead. It may be hiding, or buried, but not dead. Men react from reactions (if that makes sense). So, Ms. Indepent may have to open her own door, but it’s probably because on the way to the restaurant everything that came out of her mouth was how she doesn’t need a man. Don’t be surprised if he ask for seperate checks too…lol It’s 50/50.

Woman can be successful and independent without over shadowing men or their man. Be appreciative.


Comment by Simplicity


Hmmm, let me be a little hypocritical because I can feel you on what you’re saying. Woman too react from reaction (again if that makes sense). So, if he’s a lazy dude who has his head up his @$$ and only thinks about himself then fo’sure, it is what it is. Negro please!!!!

I must say my last few encounters although somewhat flawed were successful, motivated men. Then problem wasn’t opening the doors, buying flowers, footing the bill, or being polite. It was opening the door for every cute chic that he made eye contact with, and buying them flowers too…lol

So, although I have learned to appreciate a “gentlemen”, I always have a dose of “negro please” an my oversized pocketbook next to the “pocket rocket” I use after I “slap” his @$$….LMAO. Just consider adaptabele…..I adapt to the situation. 🙂


Comment by Simplicity

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