Filed under: Reflections of a Black Girl
A chunk of time had passed before I’d finally seized back my britches and come to my senses. A conversation with a close friend reminded me of how I tend to make things more serious than they truly are, and it’s not a secret to the world that I live with much heart. So when it comes to challenges and people (especially those in my immediate circle) I have a hard time not treating everything with care and concern. We all know that in itself can become life’s burden. My home girl really checked me and brought me back to soil…“Like for real – fix the problem because this is an essential element you’ll need, and stop believing you’re in control of what happens in your life.”
So in my effort to let life be I had since left my water-filled prison, dressed and had begun the process of cleaning and re-arranging things around my room. I still hadn’t unpacked from my mini trip with *Chris the weekend before so tidying my space was definitely a must on the ‘to-do’. And as I sorted garments and put shoes away remembering the thoughts of my friend, the answer to that prayer I’d put in the air hours before descended upon my thoughts and blurted one word:
That was my issue and somewhere along the way I’d gotten so caught up in the world that I’d forgotten the importance of that lifeline and component. My belief in certain things had gradually chipped away, slowly willowing into a lump of nothingness that ultimately served no purpose. I’d in a sense allowed my freedom to be taken away by losing my Faith in what mattered THE MOST. I really had to check myself and understand that people panic because they do not believe. They don’t believe in themselves enough to trust that the unseen is far more powerful than what is seen. They don’t believe that heart-break could spell blessing, that circumstance can create opportunity, or that hardships build character. I’d essentially forgotten that adversity and challenge sharpen the mind, and without either I wouldn’t be where I am at this given moment. It’s easy to forget when you’re in the mix on your own and dealing with layers of life around you. Somewhere I’d gotten stuck in some kind of whacked out battleship that hovers fields of internalization and isolation.
I plucked my arm and vowed to begin the process of rebuilding my faith. Faith in my family, people, myself and most importantly the ONE that trumps them all. The bug out session may not be my last, but it’s definitely the last of its kind. Especially since I’ve been reminded that there is Freedom in my Faith.
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