Filed under: Chapter Next, Dating N Stuff | Tags: black relationships, Mims, Move if you wanna
HIM: you sleeping wit me 2nite?
ME: lol – Now why would I do that when you’re not even given up no D?
HIM: Didn’t know it mattered….
ME: It does. If we aint fukin then I don’t know what to tell you LOL!!!!!!!
HIM: Oh well thought u might wanna get rubbed on.
ME: Seriously though, I love to get rubbed on – all of that but i haven’t spent enough personal time with you to know whether or not I’d be cool with you even rubbing on me! Lol I feel like we’re skipping steps. Phone chats to sleep overs. Sure if that’s what you’re looking for…thats just not what I’m looking for.
HIM: U’d be cool, this I know, I don’t follow steps I do what I want…no rules here, just standards.
ME: Well I never mentioned rules, but while we are on the standards part.
HIM: What are u looking for?
ME: my Standards say that I prefer to get to know someone on neutral ground first [name’s] crib is not neutral. What I’m looking for is someone that I can feel comfortable being around, a homie first.
HIM: I don’t follow guidelines tho, its always up to you…
ME: Ok well – whenever we are able to link up we can talk about it.
HIM: A homie is just that a homie – I find that most women can’t handle that.
ME: Most women that are digging you can’t handle that. I’m not certain that two individuals that have a mutual attraction for each other can just be friends but for me, that’s an important starting point.
HIM: True maybe its just because they usually do, if u’r different that’s cool but I like to end up where I start. So I’m fine with homies but that’s it.
ME: ha – and that’s the whole premise. Friendships last so much longer and to me are much more honest than quickly woven relationships no matter how deep they become. I have a few male friends and I know more about them than their own lover(s) do lol – That’s the kind of partner I’d like to have one day. Someone’s who’s my true friend. So…
If you wanna stay my friend forever cool – but that means I can’t spend the night until I’m comfortable taking you out of the “hmmm I kinda like this dude” category.
HIM: Understandable, you call the shots.
ME: …although I look forward to the day where I don’t have to call the shots – at least all of the time!
HIM: U wanna make guidelines and then say u don’t call shots lol…..go figure
ME: no – I said I look forward to the day where I don’t have to!
But as a single woman on my own I have to have standards to go by
otherwise I’d be run through and run down hella quick you know?
(pause) guess not lol
HIM: Nah I don’t. No problems over here tho……..u go girl : )
ME: whatever dude.
HIM: Why I gotta be the dude now?
ME: Your comment put you in the dude category lol – I’m kidding
its just something I say Like…yea, ok…whatever…
The impression I get is that you are already pre-occupied in the romantic area but are open to sharing your pockets of free time with someone interesting. Based on your invites I feel as though I am a last minute, last resort type thing like…I’m chillin tonight let me see what’s up with [Black Girl]. That’s not what I’m looking for which is why i haven’t come over…late at night anyway
ME: Don’t mistake it for me complaining though. It’s just an observation that I’ve picked up on from day one, but i thought telling you might help you better understand my POV in terms of the Standards we mentioned.
HIM: Nah that’s not it I think u’r real cool and def interesting but again I do what I want because I can. Women who are used to controlling men (at least initially) find me either as a turn off or an addiction. It all boils down to understanding my value as a man…a black man. U won’t find 2 many like me tho….
ME: Hmm – so its coming out. Do you get the impression that I am used to controlling men?
HIM: Manipulative slightly…….maybe. Most women are tho…….so u’r normal
ME: No – I think you have it mistaken. Manipulative is not my style in any way.
HIM: Ok u should be ok following the lead then, I’m leading
ME: I don’t just follow any lead so manipulative or controlling doesn’t apply. You have to give me a reason to trust you enough to follow your lead. I need to trust you first. Quite the contrary, I allow people to be who they are. Especially men – and my attitude is to take it or leave it. Controlling or trying to change the fabric of someone’s character is a waste of time. So I listen, observe and based my decisions off of what I am shown.
HIM: As u shouldn’t but I’m not trying to convince u to do anything u don’t want to….just explaining my style, that all…..
ME: Gotcha – I know you’re not but you said I was manipulative in a way, sorta controlling. And I wanted to address that before we went any further because I don’t want my moves to be misinterpreted.
But you brought up a good point because Black women can be controlling, manipulative, crazy. More than 50% and I agree its a problem. But recognize quality too – don’t get them mixed up because I look forward to following a LEADER
HIM: ‘Just dialogue that’s all….
ME: word (long pause) where you go?
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