Black Girl In The City.

blame it on the…
July 6, 2009, 4:27 am
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Music: Blame it on the Alcohol // Jamie Foxx

Today’s the rainy Sunday that I’d been counting on. Sure the earth needed a drink but my motifs centered around me not feeling guilty for trapping myself in a quiet office to study and do homework today. My academic ventures aren’t the subject of this blog though, only a segue into why I had to take a break from my studies to write just a little…

The story goes back a little over two years ago at a pool party I’d decided to go to with friends at the last minute. Those two words alone, Pool and Partly, coupled with a mansion backdrop probably attracted more than three or four hundred people that were never invited let alone RSVP’d. Needless to say it was kinda crazy and definitely packed so I cut my losses on doing any kind of networking or bank on my chances of meeting someone new.

We were only in the mix an hour or so before I’d gotten lost from my original roll crew. I saw this as the perfect opportunity to camp out by the mini bar and wait for one or more of the missing to stroll by. As I stood there trying decide what kind of Vodka to overshadow my Cran with this guy comes up behind me and politely introduces himself. Goes on to mention that he knew of me from some previous work I’d done so automatically I’m thinking “peer” not “potential partner” if you know what I mean. I was flattered, he was cute…but I never would have thought in a million years that this guy would become one of my best friends. I have a feeling that he may have been interested in me from the jump, but for some reason I’d convinced myself early on that he was indeed off limits to anything other than friendship. Primarily because we did business in similar circles and I didn’t think it would be appropriate. From that point on I just kinda tossed him in the homie category not really thinking about whether or not that was actually what he wanted. Nevertheless, I became that chick and we have remained the best of friends without ever crossing into anything else…until recently. And even though we’ve both grown to love and respect each other on a level that is transparent and truthful, I just hope we didn’t F*** it up by letting the Goose get things a little too loose over the 4th weekend.

After a night of partying we woke up on Johnathan’s couch the next morning draped over each other fully clothed. Harmless enough with the exception of one thing: my panties. I was wearing a skirt and knew instantly that they were missing, but had to convince myself of the truth by feeling for them myself. My memory was a little clouded so I sat up and looked around the loft for clues when I saw them. My rose petal pink Vicki’s thongs hanging out of my purse. Suddenly flash backs of the night came to mind in bits and pieces, playing like five second mini video clips that I had to mentally piece together. I woke him up and he too was a little clouded.

A quick trip to the grocery store for breakfast food solved the mystery and we both realized what had actually happened the night before. He seemed a little saddened, claiming that I didn’t want to get mixed up with a guy like him. I was surprised but not surprised. Just kinda sat there looking at the shopping carts roll by thinking, “WTF?” The funnier part is the day before we’d met up for a quick moment and I noticed a box of condoms in his bag and cracked a joke about them. “It’s on and poppin tonight,” he said probably not even realizing that he’d be getting it poppin with me, lol. How frickin ironic.

When we got back to the house, I suggested we mention it over breakfast to our other friend J to get his take on the situation. We both wore a look of shame on our faces while J looked at the both of us and laughed. “So, no big deal, it happened and it happens all of the time,” he shrugged. Well damn, ok. I remember thinking – men really do keep it just that simple. I wanted to take it that lightly and in fact, I think I ultimately have. But I can’t deny the fact that the thoughts of giving my best friend the booty had been there long before any party, and long before the first round of shots ever arrived to the table.

So can I blame it on the alcohol? After all, I was the one that avoided certain situations because I wasn’t sure about how I felt or what would or could happen if the circumstances were favorable. There has always been some sort of energy between us that I couldn’t describe but cared not to put myself in the position to explore it either. I’m not really sure why but you know how the saying goes, “Some things are just better left alone”. That’s the exact approach I was going for.

Now that this has happened, though, I’m not sure what to do next if I should do anything at all. Pretend like it never happened and never bring it up again? Maybe, but I’ve always felt a certain way about this guy even though I know for a fact that he’s not in a place where I could trust him with anything more than what we’ve established as friends. And perhaps even now I’ve already answered my own question. To know the gritty truths about someone and keep them confidential is to know that person to be a true friend – and I think we are and will remain that to each other regardless. But now that a new door has been opened I’m not so sure if I’ll able to fully close it (or my legs) just yet….even though I probably should.

-black girl.