Black Girl In The City.

the anatomy of the perfect gentleman.
July 12, 2009, 8:33 am
Filed under: Chapter Next | Tags: , ,


Spike Lee

Music: Brown Skin Lady // Mos Def

Alright, so you’re probably wondering how that date went. Well…it was perfect. Can you believe it? I have not one complaint, issue, gripe or worry to recount to you. In fact, it was quite the opposite of the date from hell and was something more like old friends getting together after a long time apart. I didn’t feel uncomfortable or self-conscious around him as if I’d need to ensure that every hair and article of clothing remain in perfect composure the entire time. The positive energy was definitely there as I imagined it would be, and it didn’t hurt that he was more than a little easy on the eyes.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’re probably familiar with what I’ve often referred to as my self-defeating habit of “holding out” for the right kind of man. I say self-defeating because I can be incredibly stubborn when it comes to certain things – like men. With a lifetime of not so good decisions and miscalculated turns under my belt, I thought it best to work on respecting and upgrading myself by treating Black Girl like the woman that she truly is. I decided that I would not give anyone the time of day who was not willing to play by what I felt were respectful courtship rules. But just as I was beginning to come to terms with those realizations, here comes someone willing to bring a breath of fresh air to my somewhat lopsided social regime.

What did I wear? I initally planned to wear a dress but changed my mind at the last minute opting for a pair of cute Rock & Republic jeans and a sleeveless purple silk blouse that gathered at the neck. Dangly earrings and light makeup, carried a small clutch bag to hold my cell phone, gloss and keys. My jeans weren’t hemmed so I had to find the tallest heels I had so they wouldn’t scrape the ground and even then I had second thoughts, lol. The only thing that I was required to do was give him my home address and look pretty. He was on the dot knocking on my front door at 8pm sharp. I was certain he’d call me from the car to tell me he’d arrived, upon which I’d come running out to hop in the whip and roll. He did the opposite though, so I was a little startled rushing out of the front door to greet him only wearing one shoe! “Cute toes” he laughed, and alas the ice had been broken.

The entire night I never had to open a door, pull out a chair or even speak directly to the waiter when ordering. Dinner and a live band at a wine bar afterward was just enough to feel this guy out and note that we had quite a lot in common. We concluded with a late night stroll around the neighborhood and he had me home by midnight. Escorted me right back to my front door where he’d retrieved me hours before. He didn’t try to shove his tongue down my throat or force his horny a*** inside of my place to “use the bathroom” either lol. He simply gave me a long hug and polite goodnight dismissing himself at the end. It was so funny because as soon as I got on the other side of the front door I wanted to melt to my knees. If we never went another date I’d be satisfied. He reminded me that the anatomy of a true gentlemen doesn’t have to take backseat to good looks and education, and that there are still men out there that can and do exhibit well-rounded qualities.

And now, to all of the lazy losers who have been claiming publicly that chivalry is an ineffective notion, let me be the one to tell you that it’s something women want and if you skip it, you’re not looking for anything substantial. It’s not about waiting on us hand and foot or even playing the game of chase. Being a gentleman is about being appreciative enough of the female species to show high regard for her through courteous action (regardless of who she is). It’s about being the aggressor by showing interest and asserting your position as a leader in your community pursuant of exactly what you want, including that woman. At the same time though, I have to mention that we as women also need to give men an opportunity to be that even if we are capable of doing it for ourselves, brown skin and all.

-black girl.

10 Comments so far
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I am so happy that your date went well…it sounds like the perfect date out of a beautiful novel! It’s a blessing that this man was able to show you that all that you expect in a man is still in fact out there. Your date will hopefully show all of your readers that there is no need to settle, great black men still do exist. I know because I have one who treats me like a princess and makes it his mission to make sure that I am always taken care of.

Comment by Natural_Oasis

I’m super geeked up for you! You have shown me that patience is truly a virtue. I’ve been doing my own thing for a while and being that I’m young I feel my future is pretty bright. Thats for another day. Anyways I have my fingers crossed that everything plays out like it should. You seem to be good ppl who deserve each other.

Comment by NotForTheFaintOfHeart

Yes! Congrats on the perfect date but also on putting it into the right words about what it is that being with a real gentleman is like and that as women we need to give them a chance.

Comment by phoenixlike

So glad the date was all you wanted it to be–and then some. Chivalry will get you very far! I love it when men hold doors open or open car doors. Happy second date!

Comment by Southern_Lady

Black Girl, I too am happy for you! I’m so glad your date went well and you guys had fun. What makes it even more special is the fact that the date was calm and relaxed and you both had commonalities…not to mention he was “easy on the eyes!” I’m sure he’ll ask you out again soon. Have fun with it and enjoy being in the company of a real gentleman!

Comment by Sheniqua

Gurl… preach. It feels so good to have someone reaffirm what I already know. What a wonderful blog entry and reminder that great black men still exist. I’m happy that you had such a great time. Thank you again Black Girl. You ROCK!

Comment by ucancallmeive

Im aggrivated tonight, stomach in knots worried about apuing the bills, and then I clik on you at 3am, and Im so happy for you that I have begun to cry. Aaaahhhh I needed that BG, congrats. And while you tried to play it down, I know you looked amazingly fly! extremly fly! FLYY


Comment by Deesigner from Dallas

on the bit about chivalry, i feel you. it was something i thought i didn’t want and was pretty indifferent about. but every since this particular person i’m currently on friendly terms with hit me with the door opening, carrying my things, putting my needs first…i’ve been a convert. it just feels so wonderful.

Comment by flytie

(and what’s sad is that i didn’t know how to respond to it at first. after being in a 6 yr relationship where that was not the norm, it took some getting used to. this new guy would be coming to open the car door for me and i’d be like, “umm, you’re coming on the wrong side.” then i realized what he was doing…)

Comment by flytie

This gives hope to the doubtful girl who has been hurt but still wants and is looking for that dream guy. Thank you.

Comment by Singsation

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