Filed under: Family Matters, Momma PLEASE! | Tags: black girl in the city, fat booty, high school, milf, mos def, potty mouth
– Mos Def | Miss Fat Booty
Ladies and gentleman, I am officially the parent of a 9th grade girl. Can we all say WTF? I’m still trippin because it seems like yesterday that I was walking her to her first day of pre-k and now…well let’s just say that all of my friends have warned me about the backfire of beauty that could make my life a living hell lol. Hungry, horny boys and malicious mean girls have been predicted to be on my ‘Headache’ and ‘Mofo you better back up before I shiest you’ lists. It’s highschool so I expect it and just try to make sure our relationship is mad cool so I can be an asset (no pun) by giving her 1 up on her crew. A group of giggly teenage girls that consider me to be the cool mom that listens to lil wayne and loves dope sneakers. I told her, “You better thank your lucky stars that I’m a young mom and still hip to this here game.” So long as she doesn’t have any babies and can make it through the first week without getting into fights or rioting brawls then I guess I won’t have to come up there and show my a$$. (Yes I have been known to do that.)
She didn’t wanna go in on the first day alone so I parked, walked her in. The stroll was kinda long because we had to walk all the way around the building to get to the right entrance. Between the trip and back I think I got about 20 mins. of good cardio in. Her outfit was dope. Took her to H&M over the weekend and hooked it up. Last night we spent a couple of hours getting the dress game right so she was super cute today. How she managed to get her hair into some kinda mowhakish looking thing is beyond me but I suppose she was listening when I said, “You gotta be on point with your swag J., this is highschool and you wanna make your stay as easy as possible. Swagg is everything.” She just nodded yes and flashed a funny smile and gave me a big hug, kiss and thank you. I like these times and am glad I can relate to her.
We get into the gym and stand in line to grab her schedule. The place is filled with loud, obnoxious teens that were obviously excited about the first day…seeing old friends they missed during the summer and all of that stuff. When it was our turn the lady, whom was hella distracted by this adorable senior, looked up at me and said, “What’s your last name? Do you know your homeroom teacher?” I laughed and replied, “Um I’m not the student but…” She laughed and apologized, “You look like one of the new kids!” Gee thanks lol. As she was flipping through the papers with a purple highlighter I glanced up to see the same young man hovering behind her back looking at me like he wanted to get it. Ugh!? He looked at my daughter and then he looked back at me again with a half cracked smile. Double ugh?! Guess he could detect the sticky ikiness I felt all over because he ran around to the other side and introduced himself to my daughter and I. Licking his slobbery azz LL Cool J looking lips. Triple ugh!??!
Once he walked away I leaned into my girl…
“Stay away from him he’s perverted.” My eyes were serious.
“Man I was afraid of this mom!” she laughed.
“Afraid of what?” I handed her the white piece of paper and gave her a hug.
“That you would be a MILF.”
Before I could even respond a potty-mouthed girl walked passed me and yelled, “What the FUCK!” We both cracked up but little did lil J. know, the potty girl snatched those words right out of my brain with the MILF comment. I don’t know which is worse, my boy S. calmly explaining to her that he would shoot the tip off of any man part that came within 50 feet of the tips of her sneakers or me being a mom that the school aged boys would like to…
The only thing I know is that I don’t do guns, jail, LL Cool J lips that require a bib to maintain and certainly not teenage boys! Guess I’ll have to sport old sweatpants, smelly sneakers and a t-shirt with a wet spot on the collar so I don’t steal her shine…especially since my high school days are long over. I’m excited about her new beginnings but…
Lord help me.
-black girl.
9 Comments so far
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Black Girl In The City. 
You gotta be like the coolest mom ever. I wish you were my mom when I started school.
Comment by Vee August 12, 2008 @ 5:33 amMy firstday of HS I wore a white tee that said “stressed out” some jeans, some k swiss and my hair in a bummy pony tail. Needless to say I hated my freshman year lmao & that definitely had to be the beginning.
That’s the kind of mom I want to be
Comment by (vixenchick) August 12, 2008 @ 8:45 amK-Swiss! MaN…I just want my girls to have better and bigger than I ever had. At any cost!
Comment by blackgirlinthecity August 12, 2008 @ 11:25 amHey blackgirl, Im Autumn and I’m going into the 9th grade also like your daughter. I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of months now, and I’m addicted! When I’m down, I always come to your website. It seems like you have all the rights things to say. I’ve been teased and bully in middle school constantly. I basically missed 6th grade by locking myself in my grandmother’s bathroom…Anways, got any advice for me for High school?? I need your help. If you have my e-mail, give me a holler.
Comment by Autumn August 12, 2008 @ 12:43 pmLMFAO! At the above… Now you gotta be a super mom and a MILF.
This blog was too damn funny… LMFAO @ the LL lips. My ass is getting old— I think. I wanted to be a hip mom. But these lil girls these days give me a migrane. Thats how I know my ass is getting old. hahahahaha.
anyway… DOPE.
Comment by theHustleHER August 12, 2008 @ 9:22 pmthat is so funny. its crazy how grown these kids act these days. i pray you dont have to show yo ass because of these (to quote uncle ruckus) hethen niglets!!
Comment by cool breeze August 13, 2008 @ 7:29 amYeeahhhh…J’s in high school!!! Please don’t show your A$$
~Embellished
Comment by Elle August 14, 2008 @ 12:08 amBlack Girl I started to comment on this earlier but got a little sidetracked. First I understand completely my daughter just started as a junior and she is an absolute good girl but helping negotiate the haters, the lazy kids and the lecherous grown men that hang out on high school campus it just blew my mind. Then her little friend boys started telling her how cute I was it was just a little too much. But you will keep her on the straight and narrow. Your advice to Autumn was also on point, I tell my daughter be aware, stay focused, keep your balance and know that you don’t get any do-overs. So far she is doing everything right that I didn’t do (in high school).
Comment by 3 Piece August 14, 2008 @ 10:35 pmWow. I think it’s great that you can be hip to the game with your daughter. My mom was the total opposite. My niece is three and entering pre-K on monday and i am too excited. My sister and I want her to be on point all through school,even in her uniform. Great blog ,very funny!
lol@ LL lips!
Comment by milkyglass August 17, 2008 @ 3:19 am