Black Girl In The City.

Put A Ring On Your Boy!
October 30, 2008, 1:39 pm
Filed under: Flicks, Get it Poppin! | Tags: , , ,

Roaming around Sandra’s blog and found this video from the Tube.  This guy definitely deserves a ring, round of applause or at least an ‘E’ for effort!   (Especially for grabbing his boobie at 1:24.)

-black girl.

New Music: Terrence Howard

Sometimes late really is good. I’m typically not the radio chick but I so happened to catch an interview with Terrance Howard on the radio this morning thanks to the lagging alarm on my drained blackberry. I have a new found respect for this guy after listening to him speak. Highly intelligent, wise beyond his years. If you haven’t heard already (which I’m sure you have) he’s got a new album coming. Didn’t have time to dig up info on it but I had to post one of his songs. Answers may not come right when you need them, but they always come right on time! Shine through it. 🙂

Terrence Howard|Shine Through It

-black girl

Confessions of a Faithful CONTROL-Freak.
October 29, 2008, 1:12 pm
Filed under: Reflections of a Black Girl, Therapy Sessions | Tags: , , ,

A Dopludo Collective

“You’ve got a lot of triggers in your life,” my therapist says.

“So.” I shrugged my shoulders as hard as I could and tossed up my hands. “Like I can change that?”

“No you can’t, but you can change how you react.”

He’d shared with me moments earlier that he felt I had what was is commonly know as Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Blah -tell me something I don’t know to be my hero. True enough he had a point but that conversation was nearly two months ago and I’ve since learned about these so-called triggers, half of which have been removed from my life. The remaining ones? You know kids, stupid drivers, boys…shall remain and I shall deal. True enough putting a name to my workaholism made me feel a little better, but it didn’t stop me from bailing on my last appointment. Silly enough to think I would get off that easy this guy calls me at the office personally.

“Where are you today Ms. [Black Girl]?”

“Oh, I uh had…” I could have conjured up some smart-A, witty remark but let it be instead. I actually didn’t say anything after the word ‘had’. Silence flooded the receiver and then he laughed.

“I don’t believe you but that’s ok [Black Girl]. Stop avoiding me and I promise I won’t make you take pills.”

He was referring to my personal war on prescription drugs that he’d suggested for this ‘anxiety’ thing. He knew how much I was against it. Although I truly believe that some people need some sort ‘stabilizer’ for severe and crippling issues I’ve come to realize that mine aren’t that serious and if I’ve made it this far then I certainly can’t be a total train wreck. I just happen to be a bitching, success-driven perfectionist with a fear of being out of control. That’s normal right?

“Smoke your stuff then,” he said once, “and that’s the last I will say about a prescription.”

I apologized profusely and pecked away at computer keys hoping he’d get the hint. Ninja I’m workin’. He was cool with the excuses but wanted to know the real reason why I’d canceled my appointment. So I told him the truth and his response goes right back to that ‘triggers’ thing again.

Our call was all but three minutes and he did waive my no show fee. Surprisingly enough I wasn’t reprimanded like the last time when I waited for some fleeting explicative to fall from his African lips as he preached to me about needing to keep my appointments and do something for myself “for a change.” It has been nearly six months so I guess my progress has given me a free pass on missing my second to last session. After reassuring him that I wouldn’t let anything else take me away from myself he said something so profound that I immediately stopped to write it down.

“When you stop living with the illusion that you are in control of your life and everything in it, the more you’ll start living with the person that you truly are.”

As soon as we hung up I said a prayer. More like an apology to God for behaving as though I was the one in control. Granted I’m not a religious person but I am definitely a spiritual connector and I know when a moment comes to remind me that I’m stepping outside of myself. I’m not saying I walk around with my Vicki cups poking out, beating my chest on some “I got this ish shun!” foolishness or anything like that. But I do move fast though, so much that its easy to forget to stop and remember that in reality, no human being on earth can control the world but they can control their FAITH.

Definitely in need of a Love Bomb.

-black girl.

stuff I like…
October 26, 2008, 10:24 pm
Filed under: Fly and Fabulous | Tags: , , ,

Jeremy Scott for Adidas.

OMG. While I’m up early warming brain cells I find this shoe on Swagg’s site. Not sure if I ever mentioned my love for creative kicks before but I got one, and I gotta get my hands on this shoe!

-black girl.

Basic $hit: Pay homage your grind.
October 26, 2008, 3:57 am
Filed under: basic $hit., My Work. My Hustle. | Tags: , ,

{photographer unknown}

Hello world,

I’m still here. Alive. Well. Exhausted! I’m sure you’ve been wondering what the hell but honestly this week has been one of those weeks. The kind that just won’t let up and the energy you have left at the end of each day is just enough to remember to brush your teeth and tie up your hair. I’m just trying to stay focused and on task as much as I possibly can. The big picture says it will all pay off.

I’ve grown to live with the onset of demanding days because I know that they are only tests to keep me on my toes. Those of you that read regularly have a good understanding of my weirded out life and know that I’m prone to take a break here and there. Thanks to all those checking for me. Everything is ok. 🙂

So I’m the chick that gets bored easily. If I get bored I get comfortable, and if I get comfortable I’m usually half-in half-out. Never wholly committed to whatever it is I’m doing, whatever the ‘grind’ so to speak. Seems as though the Gods sense the onslaught of apathy and blow in tidal waves of challenges and uncomfortable situations – forcing me to think differently, switch up my approach, drop a habit to gain two more, and 1-2-3 breathe before knocking an innocent by-standard’s head off lol. Sure I emerge with a lesson or two but the reward doesn’t come without tears, blood and a sprinkle of sweat on my wee little brow. All to say that the past seven days were necessary and I made it without a scratch or scathe. All for the sake of the grind.

I did a lot of readjusting this week. Embracing the patience I needed to emody more often was the key accomplishment. You name the hat, I wore it. I was up at 6am every single morning and didn’t lay down to rest until late each evening – usually a little past midnight. What was I doing? You name it. From balancing the workload of a fluctuating team to making sure I’m at the elementary school at 6:45am to take a germ sample from the girls bathroom floor for a mini scientist’s project. From running the household budget to catering to the business needs of clients, little time was left for me this week. Duty called but instead of bitchin’ and stompin’, I moved with it even if it meant taking a break from blogger’sville.

And even now at 10:57 pm on a Friday night I am sitting at my desk grinding this message to you and mapping out my Saturday all the same. The perfect celebratory affair would have been at the W with the Gucci crew (cue ghetto snap) tonight. Original plans foiled when we got wind of the weather. Bailed. Which sucks because I’d planned to hook up with Doc at Sugar Hill and possibly hit MJQ. But when I heard the energy in his voice I knew that my own was nowhere near his match. I’d be rendered helpless in record time given the week that just laid me out. Shyt I’d probably be in MJQ posted up sleep somewhere fooling with that guy! My people party hard. Besides, staying in doors to catch up on my writing is a must right about now and i have got to stay committed to this.

This blog isn’t going anywhere significant so I’ll be on my merry way. I can’t leave you empty handed so here are a few basic principals to help you stay true and pay homage to your own grind, whatever that may be:

1. What are you grinding for? Make sure your grind has a cause and purpose. Don’t just tread the mill without knowing exactly why you’re doing it and what your desired outcome should be. Grinds never stay the same so it’s always important to re-evaluate and adjust your game.

2. Ask yourself “Why”. Sometimes its easy to get caught up in the day-to-day. Most of us get on auto pilot but it’s important to stop and ask “why” every now and then. “Why am I doing this?” Taking a moment to ask your W’s will help eliminate pointless tasks and time wasters. If you don’t have a good reason to be doing it, why are you?

3. What’s your strategy? Do you have a basic plan to help you achieve your goals? How will you ensure that what you’ve promised will be delivered? Set aside strategy and planning time so you’re not traveling without the map.

4. A wise CEO of a Global Advertising agency once said, “You have to know when to tell someone to fuck off and mean it. “ (Peter Krivkovich) – This is essential for a woman on her grind. Since women are automatically considered to be a weaker counterpart and less ‘connected’ or ‘knowledgeable’ than their male peers, we’re often tried in the worst way. You have to know when to be a bitch with a smile and stand your ground. Doing it when it’s warranted and totally necessary feels so good.

5. Sleep. Eat. Drink. Stay Active. Take care of your body by eating properly and drinking water. Listen to your body’s cues and get adequate rest. If you’re too busy to work out, incorporate physical activity in your everyday. I usually park on the bottom floor of a parking deck and take the stairs up to my destination. Five to six flights of steps is a good way to feel a quick burn and boost your energy. The grind can’t be more important than your health.

6. Stay Relevant. It’s important to know the climate and culture you’re grinding in. Keep yourself educated and in the know. Maintain relationships that keep you on the pulse of your craft so that you can look, perform and be your absolute best.

7. Leave emotions out of it and always practice patience. Make decisions based on the facts and gut instinct. If you’re cranky on Tuesday and depressed on Wednesday its nobody’s business, especially when you’re in grind mode. If you have to walk away and take a break, do it. It’s better than exposing your weak spots. Patience is a must (especially for me) because taking a pause has saved me plenty of times. Granted there are times where you have to move quickly, but what about the times where a quick pause for the cause has made all the difference? When in doubt, freeze then defrost.

8. Stay organized. Planners, notebooks, journals, calendars, whatever. There are a lot of electronic tools out there to help you with this. Even carrying a simple notebook to jot notes, etc. will help you stay focused and on top of things.

9. Fluidity is a must. I’ve mentioned this before but you’ve got to know when to move with the flow, adjust and adapt. Charles Darwin has a quote to live by: “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Keep this in mind and you’ll continue to rise and succeed.

10. Don’t be lazy. Simply put, Now is not the effing time.

As the conditions change, change with them and stay committed. Heck, you could very well end up changing the world. Regardless of how difficult it may be, never forget to pay homage to your grind. It’s the only one you’ve got. Keep going. November 4th, early!

-black girl.

Keri Hilson (&) Lil Wayne
October 18, 2008, 2:50 am
Filed under: ATL'S FINEST!, Music is My Life | Tags: , , , ,

Keri Hilson

Ok, there are very few times when I hear a song and get excited about it but Keri’s second single “Turn Off” has just replaced my current # 1 slot. I’m appreciating the creativity in the track but moresoe the writing. Wouldn’t expect anything less from a BGITC. ATL Flavor never dies!

Keri Hilson | Turn Off

-black girl.

he bite me in the vagina two time!
October 15, 2008, 8:58 am
Filed under: Flicks, WTF? | Tags: , ,

Oh my word this lady tickles me.

The offending dog sounded vaguely familiar but it was only mistaken identity for  a guy or two I’ve kicked it with in the past.   Ha.

-black girl.

expect a solution & let it rock.
October 14, 2008, 6:42 am
Filed under: Inspiration, Writer's Log | Tags: , , ,

Megan G. (this if for EB!) | Sexalicious

Ok so I’ve been on this whole, positive is as positive does and so on kinda gig, just making an effort to pay attention to the positive. Glass always full kinda thing. Honestly, I really feel corny being so chipper and happy but I had to ask myself why that was so. Why it felt so AB-normal to be happy for no other reason than for the sake of being happy. Odd but real.

Thinking on The Flip Side.

“Today’s going to be an awesome day isn’t?” M, ingenious little one #2 was trotting behind me to the car with two fluffy pig tails, a pint-sized violin and a smile on her face.

“Yep,” she smiled, “Today we select the designs for the student council T-shirts.”

“Right. You’re Vice President now. I’m so proud of you,” I said unlocking the car door.

Despite the fact that I had a million and one things to think about, I chose to think about the best and declare that my day offer something good back. Instead of snarling at the fact that I’d be stuck carting my mom to work for the next two weeks – listening to her bwah bwah about much of nothing, I drove thankful. Thankful that I have a mother alive and well that cares for me even through the fog of her own struggles. Instead of shrugging off the notion, I embraced my young black girl’s ambition to step up and be a leader by teaching her how to win her school election. There’s a flip side to everything and I’m beginning to think that I may need to spend time over there more often.

Expect a Solution.

“It’s gonna be a nice day today,” I said. The car was silent while we rode.

“Oh really, its not going to rain then?” Mom assumed I was referring to the weather.

“There’s a chance but there’s a chance it won’t,” I smiled, “I was talking about the day in general mom. It’ll be nice, you’ll see, I said.”

Sure I sounded like some kind of prophetic wannabe but my point was, why the heck not? What does it hurt to speak aloud how you want the next few hours, moments, even seconds of your life to be? I figured I’ve sounded like an ass saying worse and besides, I haven’t played this practice with focus and was curious as to what would happen if I actually expected something good consistently.


I got into the office a little before nine to find one of the housekeeping ladies rummaging around for her earring in the hall near my workspace. Her face said horror, like this earring was her left lung and if she didn’t find it…

“Are you okay?” I asked. Dodged around her cart that held some typical housekeeping essentials that I’ve always secretly dreamed of stealing.

“No. I lost an earring. I have to find it, my daughter gave it to me.” She was breathing a heavy pant and I felt really bad for her.

“Well,” I glanced around my feet along with her, “I don’t see it here but listen, it’ll be alright. There’s a solution to everything. Expect the solution. I’m gonna go put my stuff down and help you trace your steps.”

The woman nodded and I ran off. As bad as I wanted to stay and sit on my bottom to devour egg whites I felt like helping her was something I should do. So I go to my desk and toss my things and when I walked back out, I look down outside of my work area to see the woman’s earring.

The look of relief on her face when she saw I’d found it was priceless. I could tell it meant a lot. She thanked me and said, “You are right. There’s a solution for everything and we should expect it. God bless you.”

Talk about a way to start your day…

The Rubik’s Cube. My great friend and helper when critical thinking is necessary. I call him my brain buffer. He sits on my desk or on top of the TV – always within eye’s shot to be called upon whenever heavy thinking rings. Most visitors can’t resist the urge to pick up the cube at some point during a conversation. And just like me, none have been able to solve the puzzle. Or so it seemed.

Aside from my good deed of the morning my day had been a typical busy one, offering little room to breathe. Came up for air when my phone rang. Mom dukes. “Hey, it didn’t rain today. You were right. The day has been nice and I got two new accounts today,” she said kick-starting an afternoon ramble. She goes on to say how she’s learned a lot from me in learning to think positive etc. etc. while I’m thinking to myself, shoot, my brain is just as phuked up as the rest of the world’s, I just learned how to control and tame the beast and even then I still lose it lol.

“Thanks,” I said reaching for the Rubik’s Cube on the desk. Didn’t even look down at it.

“So, what are you going to do about your writing? Did you decide on a solid direction?” There she goes.

Suddenly my eyes began to hurt and I wanted to hang up the phone. In fact I hadn’t made a decision on what to devote my attention to for the next sixth months. Everything is still so new. Not having time to focus on finishing up my novels AND work the journalism world is a reality I have to face and in turn I gotta make a decision. Pick, stick and commit to one or the other until writing can become my full-time dominion.

“Well,” I sighed, “I’ve been thinking about it still but I gotta decide soon because my writing commitments are filling up. But there’s a solution to everything though. I expect one.”

Just as I said this I looked down at the cube in my fingers and low & behold, the puzzle had been solved! My mouth dropped in awe as I examined all six sides grouped by color. Perfectly semetric, symbolizing an end to my thinking trap. Now, I could have gotten really pissed off that someone had secretly come on my turf and conquered the very obsticle course I’d yet to write my name on but I didn’t. I didn’t because whomever it was may not have known it but they’d given me a gift by solving my personal puzzle.

“Mah you won’t believe this,” I laughed.


“Someone solved the Rubik’s cube on my desk.”

“Ha! Are you Serious? Who?” she said

“Don’t know. It was just sitting here. Solved,” I shurgged still in a puzzle myself.

“Maybe one of your angels did it.”

“Maybe so. Whomever it was just helped a sister out though,” I smiled.

“A solution?”

“Yep. Journalism it is.”

(Time to let it rock.)

-black girl.

Michelle Obama on CNN’s Larry King
October 13, 2008, 4:05 am
Filed under: Flicks, Political Pleasures | Tags: , ,

part 1.

I’m loving this. 🙂

Watch the remaining parts over at Parlour Mag

-black girl.

stuff I like.
October 11, 2008, 5:00 am
Filed under: Fly and Fabulous | Tags: ,

Ah yes, the cold months are upon us and that means one thing: my summer long panty boycott has swiftly approached its end (for the most part haha). But of course a lady can’t harvest panties by the handful in Victoria’s Secret and expect to stay on task. All of my shimmer shimmer girls will love this though. Vicky’s got 18k gold flakes in a bottle and all you have to do is point, spray and smell sweet. A little goes a long way so you’ll definitely get your bucks worth. With a $24 price point, even Frugal Frannie shouldn’t pass up this buy.

-black girl.