What’s good peoples? I really don’t have much to say today, or better yet, I have so much to say that I can’t put it on ya’ll in one sitting. I’ll fill you in on the Detox Files soon, but until then I’ll just leave you with my first ‘realization’ and principal to live by if you will…
“Grace must always supersede attitude.”
I’m off to the gym. One luv.
-black girl.
She has to be my favorite female artist of all time. I grew up with this chick! She got me through the best and the worst and held it down. Longevity and consistency. I’m so on it and she’s definitely proven true to the fact that putting those things in action truly does make a difference. She’s been in the public eye, we’ve all seen her struggle, and I think that’s why so many women can identify with her music. It tells her own story and she puts it out there for everyone to see. If that’s not a real woman I don’t know what is! The way she’s gone through things and was able to bounce back each time bigger and better than before reminds me that I really don’t have to bail out on situations or people just because it’s uncomfortable or takes work. I’m learning the value of true friendships and staying down with those that mean the most to me. Good times and bad. It only makes the bond stronger. Stay down ya’ll…the process may be painful at times, but as Faith Evans said, “Although I walk through the fire, I will come out as pure gold.” Anybody or anything that holds value in your life should be a mainstay, and any friendship, relationship, marriage or family bond that truly BINDS is worth fighting for.
All I’m trying to do is stay down regardless. For my peoples and myself.
-black girl.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Adama and I have a girl crush on her! Guys, in case you don’t know what it is, a girl crush is something a woman has for another woman that’s beautiful and hawt (without the sexual element). Like Halle Berry to school boys.
If I were a dude, I’d send her roses and kiss her feet. But not until after listening to her MUSIC to put me in the mood. Seriously though, check her out. I wouldn’t steer you wrong! (Plus she has a heart of gold. Good people.)
-black girl.
This is my baby sister M. We found out about each other at the end of summer last year. My pops, all of a sudden after 15 years wants to tell me that I have a sister. Called me up at work and said hey, I have your sister on the phone. Nigga what?! I mean, it was so out of the blue it was crazy. At first I was angry because I knew what it meant…but I already knew that part anyway. She was a love child; her moms and my pops juked it out and made a cute, petite, pretty little thing that acts JUST like me! She’s a Taurus too and spoiled as shit. She has more designer handbags than I do lol.
We’ve been getting to know each other but I admit I haven’t been too diligent. She got her phone taken away for a minute and I was hardly ever on IM or myspace so you know…lol. We did have a little talk about my dad and above all I just wanted to make sure that she was ok. When I was her age I was searching hard body for someone of the opposite sex to teach me, guide me, give me that sense of security I needed. I ended up with a baby that’s now one year younger than her. She and my eldest daughter could be twins. Anyway, we talked about the whole absent dad thing and how it made her feel…and at that moment I felt a deep rooted happiness because I felt like I could give back to a sibling, like everything I’ve gone through over the course of my lifetime I can tell her without censorship and just be real. I’ve broken it down to my brother as real as I possibly can, but at the end of it all I’m not a black man so I can’t teach him shit about what he needs the most of. Lord knows I have a lot of miles and stories to share lol. She actually reads this blog…(hey girl J) something I would never let my babies do (right now). I’m looking forward to cultivating and strengthening our relationship. I know I’ll be a vital resource and friend to her.
In other news I went to my grandmother’s house on Sunday…my great granny was turning 102 and for some reason I thought it was 105 but I can be a dink on remembering stuff. :-\ At first I swear I didn’t wanna fuckin go but I’m glad I went. Everybody in the family was there including yours truly. Yes my pops. I hadn’t seen him since sometime last year, and a few phone conversations and emails in between filled the gaps but nothing serious. I’m not gonna lie, it was pretty awkward telling my little ones, hey girls meet your grandfather. The current dynamics of Black families kill me sometimes yo! It’s a never-ending continuum. So this cute little girl with the most beautiful chocolate skin walks up and smiles. She’s got blue rubber bands around her braces and she was wearing blue rimmed glasses. Pops says to me and my bro, meet your sister. What the FKING FK!? I was caught off guard for real. All I could do I was hug her and act as normal as possible, eventually wandering off to find a bottle of water to quench the effects of sun flames beaming down on my forehead. My normally china doll cut bangs where wisped to the side to avoid the sweat beads. Summer in Georgia is no joke!
Pops says, “Hey conversate with your sister.” Um what the fuck am I supposed to say? “So, what have you been up to for the past 11 years? Do you like your math class?” I mean really. There’s a time and place for everything. I’m excited though because she lives here unlike M who lives in B’more. I hope to get up to her soon. My granny walks up and doesn’t say anything. She just smiles and rubs my back for about two minutes. A mother always knows. When she’s done she says, “Bring the girls around here more often ok? Don’t keep them away from me.” That was a bet. I can’t help that I feel disconnected without a sense of family. I really try, but I just can’t get into it most times. Never felt that connection. I’m gonna make an effort to be better by starting with the two sisters I never knew about, but certainly have the blessing of getting to know and help guide in the right direction. Everything happens for a reason.
Casual conversation surrounds us while I’m trying not to cough from the grill smoke. I could have sworn I’d picked up the smell of semi-seared hotdogs and hamburgers in my hair. Ugh. As I’m distracted with burning eyes and a choking throat my pops says, “Oh yea, you also have a little sister who’s 3. She’s with the wife (who’s fukin 33 by the way) in myrtle beach.” My aunt joked, “Damn. When you gonna stop old man?” He said, “Nah I’m done. I think I have enough children and grandchildren to take care of me when I get old. Black girl are you gonna take care of me when I get old?” Are you serious?
Now you see what the hell I’m talking about.
-black girl
Filed under: Matters of the Heart.
Well…today was kinda fucked up. LOL I’m not even gonna try and pretend I’m on the up and up cause I’m not. Unlike in the past, I’m making an effort not to ignore how I truly feel or lie to others or myself about it. You know how one little thing happens to annoy you and then the rest of your day just doesn’t get right? That’s kinda how mine was today.
So…this morning was my freebie Monday, meaning I didn’t have to come into the office until 10:30. My intentions to sleep late were foiled by two little ones constantly interrupting my slumber, so you know I was pissed! LOL
I got a new MAC computer at the office and hell if I know how to work one let alone figure out how to hook all of this fancy dual monitor laptop shit up to make it actually do something besides laugh at my novicehood. I spent the ENTIRE morning trying to get my company email server to work, actually I wasn’t connected to it all because I didn’t even have access to my backup files. Didn’t have my flash drive because I lost it over the weekend – it fell off of my key ring. So, I twiddled my thumbs until support came. I don’t know what they did but they made it happen. So my workday didn’t officially start until 1:00.
I had like a million voicemails and wrote each of the name and numbers down on sticky notes with the intention of calling all of my clients back one by one. I was interrupted by a phone call from my mom’s bitching about my Dell account, saying that they called her accidentally regarding a $22 balance on my account. WTF? That was followed by her reprimanding me and telling me that I need to call them as soon as possible. I just wasn’t in the mood and kept the convo short. The last thing I need is my mom calling me at work about some bullshit trying to act like my mom, lol.
So, I get back to my phone calls and realized that two of my sticky notes are gone AND I erased my messages! Lol. That set it off and I before I knew it I had spontaneously burst into tears. I went through an entire box of Kleenex, and in mid depletion my boss stops by and catches me in my silent frenzy…red nose and all. “Oh are you okay?” she says. That makes my sobs harder and I try to keep my back partially turned to her to show that I just didn’t wanna be bothered. I just responded that I’m having a bad day. She offers me the opportunity to telework (work from home) but I declined because being in the house by myself with a little fat dog watching my every move all day was definitely not going to do any good.
I tried to uplift my sunken spirits by listening to good music but it seemed like every thing I listened to made me sadder. Even Lil Wayne! LMAO Gotta laugh at that. So I flip on the TV to see two people on some lovey dovey stuff and definitely couldn’t watch the shit either. Lol I’m a total mess.
I did, however, manage to get one of my (personal) clients two crazy great deals on upcoming Media Buys for their company and they were stoked about that. Negotiating is one of my strengths. But how do you negotiate with yourself in order to make things better? I wish there was some kind of button I could push to make all of the things that I want to go away to vanish…especially when it concerns feelings. I’ve been fighting tears back all day if they haven’t been free flowing already. It just hasn’t been a good day but I guess the first step in making it better is to recognize that we are all entitled to having them. I can run from everything else in this world except the IRS and myself. And the IRS has no debts on me so I’m left to deal with the latter. I just wanna be okay really, and honestly I don’t know how to get there any other way but to just wait it out. This rough patch really sucks and I wish there was a better way. And to top it all off, I did something I said I wasn’t going to do – and of course, I had to make a run for the new tissue box because I hated myself for it.
I have a class tomorrow that I wish I never registered for because I don’t wanna go. I know this is gonna make me work my fingers to the bone to try and forget, but hey, I’m sure all of my clients that have been waiting on projects will be happy about that. Too bad I’m not. I wish things were different but then again…who doesn’t? Looking forward to that refurbished black girl sooner than later.
(shaking head)
-black girl.
Man this makes me wanna move back up north, but I got my heart set on LA for the time being 🙂
-black girl.
It’s a beautiful day and I’m trying to keep a smile on my face. I’ve gotten a lot done to day FOR ME and it feels good. Just found out that my university is offering online classes starting in the fall. YES! I knew that I wouldn’t be able to physically attend classes with all of the demands and stressors in my life, so I’m happy about the fact that I can infuse something that’s such a huge priority into the scheme of things. They are only allowing me to get a BBA in Management but honestly I don’t care, I just need my degree so I can move on to the next level in my professional life. It’s kinda frustrating when you have things you need to do for you but can’t so this has definitely lifted my spirits!
I’ve been thinking about me and the things I want in my life, and I realized that a lot of things I do have aren’t necessarily what I want but what I’m given and am willing to accept because I don’t honor or maximize my potential and abilities the way they should be. Bad truth but real talk, I have serious self esteem issues. I always say, oh I used to have that problem but I’m cool now. Nah..not really. Because if I did I wouldn’t keep doing the same shit over and over hoping that they change. Fucking what? I’m 30 years old with a 14 and 9 year old. I gotta stop doing this shit to myself if I truly want to be happy. Somewhere within the last couple of days I had a wake-up call and realized that I’m not happy where I am and depressed because I feel limited in what I can do to get to where I wanna be. (Prolly cuz I ran outta weed and refuse to buy anymore.) Why? Because I’m so busy placating and doing what I can for everyone else because I want everyone to see how much of a good person I am. Everybody has control over my life and my well-being but me. Fuck that shit. I need a back bone and a big ass sign that says no that I can hold up whenever something is asked of me that interrupts my goals and plans. I decided to stop taking what is handed to me will start demanding what I need and want in my life. And if I can’t get it then I’m out. This is in every single area…my kids, my professional life, my family, my love life…everything! Can you imagine? I feel like everything and everyone has control over my life and feelings except me. It’s time to Detox…rearrange, and adjust myself before anything else.
So…
I’m gonna lay off the weed for awhile lol. I really need to have a clear mind and address some things about myself rationally. When I smoke the only thing I’m good at is philosophy, creative work and fucking. I can do all of those without it because self medicating is getting hella expensive and not only was I running from myself, I was hurting myself by not staying UNhigh LONG enough to get what I needed to get from inside of me.
I’m not having sex anymore either until further notice. This is gonna be hard because I am a sexual person. But, I know me well enough now to know that I don’t need to become emotionally enslaved to men because that is what eventually happens. Then I’m left in a position of hating myself for moving along with something that I wanted when I knew I didn’t need it in the first place. I am who I am and even though I try to be most of the times…I’ve learned the hard way that I’m not superwoman, just a strong woman that does what she can to get things done and preserve her sanity. I gotta stop this if I want to break self-destructive and self defeating habits. At the end of the day, I get immediate gratification, but the after burn sets me farther back then I started in the first place.
I’m gonna keep writing because through this project I’ve realized that it may not necessarily be my call to write fiction (speaking on the three books that are all nearly completed by I can’t decide an end to.) I’m not a poetry or song writer either…both of which I’ve tried and didn’t feel the passion in. I think my purpose for being given this gift is to help other people make it through their own issues and whatever other difficulties they may face. I see that I also have the ability to uplift and encourage people and often speak right to the core of whatever it is they are feeling without them ever having to tell me a word. It’s also what I use to heal myself and get through hard times in my life. This is my purpose and I want to use my writing in a way that it was intended. No its time to figure out exactly what I need to do outside of this blog to facilitate that. Like this idea popped in my head and I acted on it, I assume the answer will come when it’s ready and when I’m ready to take on the responsibility. Until then I’ll keep hitting ya’ll with the lengthy soliloquies in hopes that you do take something from it to become a better you.
This is only the beginning. Yeeeehee!
-black girl
Filed under: Uncategorized
I don’t even know how I let it get that far. Wishful thinking I guess, which seems to be my vice a lot of the time. Honestly, I put up with a lot of shit before deciding that I have to stop abusing myself for the sake of a chance at the possibility of someone loving back…even after they told me the deal. Denial is a fucking bitch.
That’s a dangerous place to be honestly. It leaves you emotionally open, and if you’re open and their not, they may not have an issue with how they handle you, or perhaps not handle you with care. Carelessness on both of our part led to the toxic feelings of resentment that I secretly harbored. It was seeping into the friendship and threatening to tear it all down. I was honest about the not wanting a relationship part because I liked where we were, and I liked what we were becoming. But the cycle repeats itself and the tears continue to flow, only as time passed I suddenly realized that that I was floating in a river of disappointment and mistrust. It got to the point that every little thing I noticed or heard or saw upset me. that’s not where anyone wants to be.
He and I get along so well, and I enjoy the closeness of our friendship, but like he’s told me and reminded me many times before he’s just not emotionally there and he has to have all or none. I really don’t know what to say about it all, just that I’m tired of putting myself in situations where I don’t get what I need from the other person in return. That would be consistency in words and action. How can you say that I need to make sure I don’t get hurt when you just finished fuckin my brains out after spending a nice evening alone the night before?
Basically it was just getting to be too much for me and was taking a toll on me emotionally. To be in a crowded room and still feel alone is very possible when your wavelengths aren’t the same. He and I are on different wavelengths and I can’t make him love me like I want him to. He’s been wholly honest with me about his issues and vice’s but because of the confusion and back and forth, I can’t really say that I know how he TRULY feels about me or even if it’s a priority that I know at all now.
It truly hurts my soul to know that I have to let him go for a minute just to preserve what’s left because I love my friend. Although I’ve promised myself not to get hurt again I’ve come to the conclusion that I have to get up and keep trying, no matter how painful the potential risks could be. I’m just trying to be a good gal and do right by the people in my life. I want to continue to be that but I have to keep in mind that it’s a two way street. If you’re not doing right by me I’ve got to let you go. The tears have to stop and I gotta keep my life on track. If anything my family needs me, and I have to keep that in mind when I make decisions. I think I’ve made the right one because I deserve to be happy and all of things that come along with it.
I’m not blaming what has become my own person ‘Mr. Big’, I just need to be the responsible person and take control of my feelings and remove them when it gets to the point where you’re confused and disappointed a lot of the time. He’s just not in the right place to understand the value of my heart and everything it has to offer. I wish it could be different but sometimes things are just the way there are, and I just have to accept the feeling of being alone in a crowded room until I can get everything that my heart desires. That’s what I deserve and know. I don’t know when I’ll eventually be over him and I don’t know if have the energy or will have the heart to invest so much again. I have to start making people EARN the best of me. I’m just pretty disappointed and tired of crying because I’m being dealt with on someone else’s terms. I think mandating time apart and sticking to is the best and most sensible decision I’ve made through all of this. Even it kills me, I have to allow myself to heal on MY terms and not anyone else’s. I know he cares, but caring coupled with carelessness cancels out everything that is and could be good. I don’t wanna hate you and that’s why I have to let go and give myself what it is I need to break free. I’ll eventually get this thing called love right but until then it is what it has to be.
This will only make everyone involved better and stronger…those are the things that carry the most weight in my life right now. Nothing else.
-black girl
This is from my home girl Saba’s most recent shoot. Look out for her soon! She’s even doper than she looks.
I’m so glad that nobody has bought the condo under me yet. It means that I can pump my beloved music whenever I want. Like right now. Friday night, 3:48 am and counting. Go figure…my everyday steelo.
Thanks to all of you that checked in on me. I’m ok, just had to take an impromptu hiatus in order to get some things in check I apologize for not saying anything but really, I didn’t realize how much I’ve appreciated the support of strangers I’ve never met. You all encourage me to KEEP writing. Consistency is a weakness for me but I’m definitely getting better at it. Here’s an update on me…
I honestly feel like I have my guardian angel closer and guiding me in a stronger way than ever before. There’s only one issue. I listen, I hear what I’m supposed to do, and then I go directly against it if it is welded to something that I ‘want’ to do or have. That sets me back because I’m not following direction all of the time.
You wanna know a funny thing though? I’m good, truthful….I give to all of my friends and family whenever I can and whenever they need it. BUT. I don’t give to myself. That conclusion slapped my ass in the face earlier today. Somehow someway my DNA is constructed in a way that I am not like the person that feels better and happier when they are given things by others or gaining some sort of benefit. For me it’s the opposite. I feel happier when I give to others, and I’ll be honest with you…I don’t feel as good when I give to myself because I feel like I could be using that opportunity to help someone. Neglecting me. Had to take 10 Steps back again to get this shyt in check and get me right on this level. I need to get my power back and harness what I already have. I know this is an everlasting topic but hey, you’re just seeing me work through my life and its lessons.
So really I had to isolate myself in order to see the balance and embody what I’d learned. I had to stop feeling guilty about giving things to me…crazy as it sounds. I had to realize that everything in my life right now is supposed to be here and each of them has a purpose. What I haven’t done is extensively think about what those purposes may be. Been kinda haphazard in my thinking. :-\ With the exception of a key few, everything else falls into that category. As I realize these purposes I usually act on them because I know my roll. But the receiver may not know or even understand why the fuck their around you so much! Lol Slap number two: I should expect as much as I give. My go-go gadget I can do it myself attitude is the very thing that keeps my expectations in check…don’t expect a damn thing, but does that mean I can’t receive anything.
I think we should all be willing to communicate what we want. I don’t. I’m the kinda person that likes to avoid conflict at all costs so I tend to bottle my gripes or issues. That usually backfires to a point where I just blow up and dump all of it on the person. Man I wanna kick myself in the ass because I know I need to do this and I’m not trying hard enough to communicate my feelings without sparking an argument. I have to stick to my guns and know that I’m worth having anything and everything I want and shouldn’t accept mediocracy. Come on black girl…get your shit tight!
So, now you see what I’ve been up to! I know my willingness to share my own discoveries will help some of you. Honestly all I need right now in my life right now is my evolution. If whoever and whatever doesn’t want to have anything to do with that then I’m good.
-black girl.
*I’m bumping Nas’s ‘Phone Booth’ right now. Hottness yes but im really missing Faith Evans right now.
I could not stop laughing…
“He said when he gets home, it’s daddy time. He needs good food, good head and good sex,” she laughed.
“What!?” I screamed.
“Yea. He was so full of himself. This dude starts talking about flavor flav too.” Her voice still bubbling with amusement, Sasha continued…
“Girl. This fool was talking about how ugly flav is and how he has more money than flave and he should be on that show. He couldn’t figure out why those girls were clamoring over such a raggedy dude and if it were him he would have all of the hoes in check…but in the next breath says how much he can’t stand hatin’ azz n****s in this city.”
I nearly peed myself. “Did it dawn on him that he was the hater he hated?” I said cracking up.
Sasha and I we were talking about the same guy I went on a date with a couple of months ago. It wasn’t until she told me about it that I guessed who he was because his game was all the same. Sasha went on to tell me about how he tired to get her to sleep with him on the same, “First date.” If he only knew how much of a clown the women in this city thought he was he’d sit his ass down. You’re killing us dude.
—
photography by Ruud de Jong
“I tried to tell you,” I warned. Kimora and I were on our way to kick it with the homies at the pool.
“Yea, I wonder when I should drop the bomb,” she asked.
I shook my head as we got on the 75/85 South exit, “What bomb? He’s as dumb as piece of shit. No personality, he’d just look at you and then it would take about 20 more minutes to comprehend and digest the last sentence!”
“He’s a log. We went to dinner and he had nothing to say at all. How can someone that beautiful be that BORING!?”
“His penis is small too. Hate to break it to you,” I said casually balancing a bottle of Evian in one hand and the steering wheel in the other.
“Oh great!” she laughed. “Tell him about me and see what he says, lol. Maybe his paperbaggin ass personality will come to life once you let him know who your home girl is.”
We were laughing at Tony (name changed). Yet another flame of the past that had managed to circumvent his way into my circle of home girls without even knowing it. Granted Tony was a successful model and all of that, but what good does that do if you’re as dumb as a frickin doorknob AND you’re D-game is wack? When I tell you this dude has absolutely NO conversational quality about him unless it has to do with sports, beer, modeling or the club I am so serious. Kimora got to see for herself, though. Yet another, ‘damn I know that dude’ happenstance that we girlfriends have been experiencing a lot lately. It’s a given that we run new prospects by each other before wasting our time…unless we just need the entertainment.
If Tony knew that referred to him as a dumb clown with no business about himself he would get his shyt together. Looks can only get you so far with women of substance.
—
photography by rinze van brug
I was standing in my closet trying to figure out what panties to wear for the evening. Had my phone on speaker talking to Elaina…
“Take your damn mouth out of the phone E, I can’t hear you!” I said fumbling through my drawer. I could see the Latina thick lips that her fellas loved sooo much blocking all forms of audible communication, lol.
“My bad chica. I was saying he was a pretty cool guy, he just had bad breath.”
“Then he wasn’t cool,” I said, “Did he try to kiss you?”
“Oh hellz no! I got the hell on. I had my other friend come and pick me up from the restaurant. I bounced on him,” she laughed.
“That’s shitty.”
“No his breath was. And so was he for being in my presence like that,” she moaned.
“Yea, plus nobody wants to hear someone talk about their money all of the time,” I shrugged still uncertain about the panty selection. When in doubt…
“Well I was thinkin If he has so much money then he should do something about that grill problem,” she said.
“Yea. But you know…money, hoes and clothes. He dresses fresh, doesn’t that count?” I tired not to laugh.
“Gross and no. His breath smelled like someone shitted in his mouth for three weeks straight and left it there to decompose,” I could hear her fingers tapping on computer keys in the background.
“I’m gonna puke. What are you doing? Looking at porn?”
Her typing stopped, accompanied with a brief silence. “Nah. I was emailing Kurt (name changed).”
“What the phuk is your problem!” I screamed.
Kurt was that loser boyfriend of hers who was well known to the public eye and took every waking advantage of it. Atlanta is a honey nest for groupies tryna get a free a meal and their rent paid. I’ve seen him in action and he takes no prisoners with any of them. Even though Elaina wasn’t a groupie she was still a caker. If she had a choice between buying her own Balenciaga or letting a ‘baller’ buy it in exchange for a few free kisses and a chance to be arm candy then…
Kurt treated her like shit and gets no respect from me. But it was her fault too…but Elaina didn’t care so long as he took her out to eat a couple of times of week and funded her expensive taste in retail.
“He’s a dog. Thought you were done with him.” I frowned.
“I am! I left something at his house and needed to get it,” she said.
“Liar.”
“No for real.”
“For real my ass. Stink breath boy and your no-good wanna be part time of whoring man are clowns. What’s wrong with you?”
“Shit black girl, what’s right with me is the question!”
“Nothing if you keep clown cakin on the regular dumbie!”
—
“Where you wanna go baby? Anywhere in the world.”
My stomach was going to hurt. If I had to sit and listen to another fool attempt to talk hype with no intentions on delivery I would scream.
“I don’t know,” I said dryly. I was more interested in smacking the shyt out of the woman doing my manicure. I told her NOT to cut my cuticles and she did anyway. I wanted Helen to do my hands and feet but didn’t have time. Needed two Asian chicks on me like whoa. Busy lady got busy things to do. LOL
“Mexico? Brazil? You look like you wanna go some place hot,” he slithered.
As badly as I wanted to say, “Sure thing, just not with you,” I opted for a friendlier, “Yea I like hot places.”
I rolled my eyes and gave the manicurist the meanest look in America. Stop cutting my cuticles or that’s your tip.
Listening to this fool talk shyt out of the side of his 43 year old dry peelin lips was the best entertainment I could get since my hands were tied up and I couldn’t play Tetris on my blackberry.
“Let me take you to red lobster tonight.”
What?! I’m so sorry ya’ll but it was at that point that I had to burst out laughing. If you coulda heard the way he said it, “Reeeeeddd Looobbsttterrr,” like it was the best thing since 103 West you would crack up too. I couldn’t help but laugh at how much dude was clowning himself!
Don’t get me wrong! I’m a cool chick, Waffle House, Red Lobster and 103 West are all the same to me. It was the fact that he was tryna sell me on some wack shit like he was really doing something spectacular. I may look like I’m 21 but I’m no whipper snapper, lol. 😉
“What’s so funny?” he was a little confused with my outburst.
“Yo. I hate it when men talk about all the stuff they are going to do for me and where they wanna take me. You don’t think I’ve heard all of this befo–”
“I’m different though,” he interrupted.
“Well if you are don’t say shit! Damn! You are 43, you should know that. You sound like you’re full of crap to me. I don’t believe you..why? Because you’re talking about it so much. Action speaks multitude. I’ve listened to you run down every last thing you would do for me and to me for the past 30 minutes but you don’t even know my last name!” Helen looked up from my feet and smiled.
“I do know it,” he retorted.
“Ok…”
“It starts with a P right?”
“Hey, let me call you right back ok?” I didn’t even give him time to answer before I pressed the pretty little red button.
“You’re not going to call him back are you?” Helen asked as she draped each toe nail in my favorite hot pink color.
“Nope,” I said tossing my phone to the side table with my free hand, “He’s a clown.”
“Haha!” she laughed. “A clown. I know lots of those. I like that word.”
“Yea, well I’m beginning not to.”
—
You get the point.
-black girl
Black Girl In The City. 
