Ali Madigan (Paris) – I’m gonna talk more about her soon…
I’m getting kinda popular! The other evening Sasha stopped by my house to hang out for a few. I welcomed her company because I’m usually so busy I don’t do too much entertaining. It was a little uncomfortable to change up my habit on that particular day but I did it anyway. We sat at the pool and chit chatted for a while. She’d stopped to browse a store before she got there and mentioned that some guy she barely knew saw her myspace page where she had a link to my blog. He asked her about the blog and said, “you’re a good writer.”I don’t think she even knew his name. That made my day!
On the flip side, yesterday I sent someone a friend’s request on myspace. I actually sent it because I know them and have spoken to them personally before. They just didn’t know it. I read between the lines to catch undertones which I think is why I took it the way I did, as somewhat insulting. Any way the message speaks for itself….
—————– Original Message —————–
From: Black Girl In The City™
Date: Jul 30, 2008
LOL You’re funny. So…because I choose to run my blog the way I want to you and however I want to and I won’t disclose what you want, that’s wack. Because I won’t give (name) what he wants that’s wack. Your opinion doesn’t matter to me, I’m doing what I do exactly how I want to do it over here! Take a look at the work instead of worrying about the person. Your nickname is Mr. Rude. But I am not paying that any attention so…
I’m doing well. Just doing my thing and staying busy. How are you today?
1. I won’t address
2. I’m a little bit of both. I work AND I play. I don’t have a desktop.
3. Don’t think too deep into it. I’m black and I live in the city lol. If you took the time to read my page you would know what its about.
4. You’re taking myspace too seriously. And I don’t think I want you as a “friend” lol
5. I do what I want. That’s the beauty of creativity! Your opinion doesn’t matter over here.
5. Doing great…Forever beautiful and always living well!
6. Bonus: This is not a Q&A so stop with all the questions and
talk to me about something of substance if you dare.
—————– Original Message —————–
Date: Jul 29, 2008
Are you out and about, or underneath your desktop computer.
What makes you a black girl in the city?
How do you choose me as a friend?
Don’t be all mysterious… that can be wack real quick.
How are you?
—————– Original Message —————–
From: Black Girl In The City™
Date: Jul 30, 2008 12:07 AM
How are you would be a better intro!
I choose to stay anonymous for professional reasons. Who wants to know and why?
—————– Original Message —————–
Date: Jul 29, 2008
Who are you?
Everything attracts a ying and a yang. I love them both! It lets me know I’m doing something right.
This song’s for you Mr. Yang!
This is what I’m reading at the moment. I have a habit of reading three to four books at a time and I realized that it was pointless because I couldn’t focus on learning and retaining what each individual one had to teach me. I’m starting over with my reading game and the first book I’m diggin is FLOW by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. This book takes a scientific approach to the highly coveted but ever fleeting feeling of happiness. He points out that happiness is not merely an emotionally sparked feeling, but there’s more involved. Mihaly offers key principles and uses history and solid facts to explain the habits of humanity and it’s evolution over the centuries in terms of happiness and motivation. The content really surprised me pleasantly and I’m recommending it to all of my friends! If you pick it up shoot me an email and let me know what you think.
Here’s a tiny taste…
“When people try to achieve happiness on their own, without the support of faith, they usually seek to maximize pleasures that are either biologically programmed in their genes or are out as attractive by the society in which they live. Wealth, power and sex become the chief goals that give direction to their strivings. But the quality of life cannot be improved this way. Only direct control of experience, the ability to derive moment-by-moment enjoyment from everything we do, can over-come the obstacles to fulfillment.”
When I watched the movie ‘The Secret’ on Christmas Day 2006, my life changed forever. For the first time all of my answers were assembled into a neat, tight little package that put my life at that present moment into perspective. I’d be the first to attest to the amount of success and increased value I’ve created simply by believing it in my mind first.
The concepts and theories placed before the generally unhappy and satisfied American (which makes up about 95% of the entire damn population) are intended to motivate, inspire, sound good and give you the basic tool or ‘secret’ that great leaders from our past have used to change their own worlds and themselves. But now, as I sit here smack in the middle of my 2008, I’m really beginning to see that this practice is merely an introduction to the successful application of positive thinking and outward change. What the Secret does not address is the importance of balancing who you want to be in any given situation with the reality of who you are and more importantly how you feel at that given moment. Now that I am able to look at the philosophy from a different perspective, I see that it has the potential to do more harm than good if not applied appropriately and with balance. The today, here and now that must ALWAYS be respected and addressed in all forms.
When I first saw the movie my mind was in a messed up state anyway. It was one of the first real wake up calls I’d seen as an adult aside from fostering a personal connection with God. This newfound enlightenment and passion to change fueled my desire to become the bigger, badder, better black girl I knew that I could be. I think touching on the importance of balance in this regard is relevant because one must be careful not to flood their minds with the world that they want thus not leaving room to address the world they currently live in. I can only imagine the hundreds and thousands of people whom have taken the Secret theory to such an extreme that their intentions to be and have better become self-crippling smoke screens blinding them from the truths that must be examined as part of the process. This can lead to unrealistic and unfair expectations of one’s self and others, which certainly does more harm than good. The question for you today is “At what point does positive thinking become wishful lies?”
I am in by no means knocking the Secret, I’m just saying that everyone thinks differently and if you really want to put it out there as public doctrine, put it out there with all of the disclaimers and risks that could be involved by discussing the importance of balance. The Secret, in my case, was the perfect way out and it worked to an extent and still does but…focusing my mind on everything positive and good did not always get me to the place I wanted to be as a full-circle individual. In fact, this very same principal has backfired more than once. The Secret teaches you to not even acknowledge negative thoughts or behaviors about yourself or other people – and this inhumane approach creates bigger monsters and demons to be slayed later. I like to call it ‘justified neglect’. I’ve told myself for years that it doesn’t matter what we want to do – good or bad, jacked up or pleasurable…WE ONLY NEED A REASON. To focus on the positive and who you want to be all day everyday and ignore the bad in hopes of good saving the day is absolutely insane. You run the risk of becoming a professional ‘DREAMER’ and runner. We all know one.
Newsflash: All of the secrets, mysteries and wonders revealed on this planet can’t take a way from the reality of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions at any given moment. By giving yourself permission to acknowledge and directly address your current dilemmas without feeling guilty, you are better equipped to think your way out of whatever it is you are wanting to change.
I told him I was good, I was okay, I didn’t have an issue with this or that because I knew what I wanted and needed to be (to him) in order to allow him to remain a part of my life. WTF was I doing? I thought the pain and resentment I felt was wrong and had to go away because he was truthful on his part. Some days it worked, some it didn’t – and on the days it didn’t I’d act like it to make it through only to cry and suffer in silence when left to deal with me. I danced with the idea of thinking that as long as I focused on being the person that I wanted to be to this individual, the rest would catch up and all would be well….one day soon. I die laughing as I explain it because it sounds so sick and crazy! But human, and I can accept that. 🙂 lol
To speak the truth to thousands of people every day and not be able to accept it in your own life at the end of every night is a secret life that nobody wants or should want to live. Doesn’t matter if your intentions are good or you don’t want to be the ‘burden’ by letting the truth be. I was ruining my essence in silent thunder as the clouds rolled and accumulated into the most furious hurricane capable of wiping out an entire city. It was only a matter of time before the levees would break.
Thoughts become things right? True, but in order to appropriately apply this theory you must touch on and acknowledge the present and what’s already there. You can’t just move on saying that you’re something by simply believing that you will be it without addressing the problem. As much as you want to believe it, there are some things that just don’t ‘go away’ when you ignore them. There are some things PUT THERE for you to work through as part of your karmic lessons. Deal with them and move on or keep dealing with the same shyt forever and ever, over and over.
Saying that you are something or feel a certain way that is completely opposite from the truth at any given moment (despite good intentions) is a lie and it makes you a LIAR. People don’t see where your heart is and why you choose the path you take in the process by not giving fan fair to negative feelings. They don’t see why you try to hide your personal discomforts for the sake of something better. They don’t care about that shyt. The only thing they see is that what you say is contradictory to how you feel and that you are a liar. Then, everything that you’ve said or done, or perhaps even written becomes discredited and up for debate. All because you wanted to live well and think your greatest wants and wishes into manifestation. I’ve learned the hard way that you cannot use such a practice to manipulate how you want situations in your life to be. Regardless of whatever secret lying beneath, the truth holds King and you better get down or lay down.
A very valuable lesson I’m learning and making a conscious effort to do is understand that I must acknowledge the truth openly and honestly first. With myself and with whomever else that may be attached to that truth. Even if it looks like a nasty, drooling little devil with horns that you’d rather not even face yourself you have to make that shit known first before going on to apply the rest of what you consider a part of the great blue print for success. The harsh realistic side behind the Secret is that just as “Thoughts becomes things”, “Truth is the overriding doctrine that makes all things reality”.
I’m just saying…find a happy balance.
Filed under: Back in the Game, Dating N Stuff | Tags: black relationships, dating
In one of my last posts I said that I’d have to get out there if I wanted to leave other things and people behind. But I’ve been thinking about it and I’m actually not sure if I can do the whole dating thing at all and for a while. I have my reasons but you already know. Had a conversation with my homeboy today. One of our many talks about life, people and yea yea yea MEN! He’s a musician married to a beautiful wife and they both have an adorable baby boy. Of anything I can appreciate about him its his willingness to keep it real and frank with me all day everyday. He often times shares with me the elements of black marriage from the man’s perspective. We all need ppl like that in our lives. Our conversation started when he sent me an email with photos from a parking lot wedding ;-)…
ME: Shiiiit lol – im not sure about marriage for real doe. lol
LP: What? Really? Why not?
ME: *shaking head* I don’t know
LP: Really.. Wow.. I think you just haven’t found the one.
ME: Im not looking either! lolol
LP: Well. Ok. So what is it that you want?
ME: *here is where I go on and on with my laundry list lol*
What I want? Hmmm the basics and someone that is on my level or above. I want love and acceptance, great sex and romance. I want to be appreciated, valued, adored, trusted and free to be who I am in his presence. I want a man with family values and a desire to move ahead and remain progressive. I want a man that embraces my girls as his own by giving them what they need in terms of what a black man should be to his woman. I want him to be financially savvy but not stingy or afraid to live life. He should appreciate my drive for being bigger and better and not feel threatened or insecure because I am a business woman and not a home maker. He should value the arts and be my biggest fan. He should be objective and intelligent, able to hold a conversation. He should have great taste and etiquette and know how to behave in any given setting…from the streets to the board room. His family is his top priority, his swag is ridiculous and when I look at him I see a beauty that can never fade. Above all he is on his shit and as a team we enhance our impact on the world. I only ask these things because they are what I have to offer at minimal. If I can’t have them I’ll have nothing at all.
LP: Well BG. You might just have nothing at all then. Lol. You want a lot. And most of the men out here can’t give you all that. A very small percentage of men out there are like that. VERY SMALL.. You may have to look outside your race to find that person. Dating outside your race can be tuff at times though. Who I really feel sorry for is your girls. They will have an even smaller percentage of BLACK men to choose from.
ME: That’s what my biggest fear is and I think about it every day. Outside of my race is not totally out of the question but I think I’d have a hard time having a man that could handle me. I don’t want someone I can boss around, I need a break from being the boss. I think I’ve accepted the state we’re in when it comes to our people, dating, relationships, marriage, etc. As time goes on options that were once there will soon be obsolete…but we shall see. I’ve sadly accepted the possibility of being solo for the long haul and yea, its disappointing, but the only thing I can do is learn to live with it and love myself and the girls as much as I possibly can. At the end of the day that’s all any of us can do.
LP: True indeed.
*A downer for your friday but hey it’s the truth. Yea there’s hope and possibility in everything but I won’t ride on it because life holds no promises. It just is what it is! I know one thing…I sure as hell won’t be getting married in someone’s barb wired parking lot. Not my style. lol
Filed under: Flicks, Music is My Life | Tags: beyonce, Jay-Z, solange birthday
Not much to say but this is what I’m on today.
Before I get on with my world, I have to say this first:
“Whatever you desire in the here and now…whatever it is…put it out there. When you allow yourself to believe in something enough to speak it or write it down or talk about it, you have demonstrated the only bit of faith you need to summon your spiritual advocates to move on your behalf. This in turn leaves you no other choice but to move in the natural.”
I think my daily friends can attest to my transformation during my process to “become a better me.” I can’t give any credit to myself because the only thing I did was have faith enough in myself to be held accountable for making black girl a better black woman. I didn’t even realize that in about 30 minutes I will have hit my 30th day of Detox thus marking the end of my transition onto the stage of bigger and better things! In the midst of it I went through it (yea read the older posts LMAO), but now that I can smell and taste the beauty of being ‘mentally’ free I want it and I want all of the time. Although I didn’t stay 100% good girl on the external habits, my spiritual and mental strengthening was what it was all about. I feel that because I passed those tests the rest will follow. The best part of it all is that in the end I found love. Love for myself, my life, and the people around me. Just a new found appreciation and understanding for the things I’ve been entrusted with. So…I think I’m good to go and I’m just glad I put it out there.
She’s back..beautifully cracked…but never broken.