Black Girl In The City.

When I watched the movie ‘The Secret’ on Christmas Day 2006, my life changed forever. For the first time all of my answers were assembled into a neat, tight little package that put my life at that present moment into perspective. I’d be the first to attest to the amount of success and increased value I’ve created simply by believing it in my mind first.

The concepts and theories placed before the generally unhappy and satisfied American (which makes up about 95% of the entire damn population) are intended to motivate, inspire, sound good and give you the basic tool or ‘secret’ that great leaders from our past have used to change their own worlds and themselves. But now, as I sit here smack in the middle of my 2008, I’m really beginning to see that this practice is merely an introduction to the successful application of positive thinking and outward change. What the Secret does not address is the importance of balancing who you want to be in any given situation with the reality of who you are and more importantly how you feel at that given moment. Now that I am able to look at the philosophy from a different perspective, I see that it has the potential to do more harm than good if not applied appropriately and with balance. The today, here and now that must ALWAYS be respected and addressed in all forms.

When I first saw the movie my mind was in a messed up state anyway. It was one of the first real wake up calls I’d seen as an adult aside from fostering a personal connection with God. This newfound enlightenment and passion to change fueled my desire to become the bigger, badder, better black girl I knew that I could be. I think touching on the importance of balance in this regard is relevant because one must be careful not to flood their minds with the world that they want thus not leaving room to address the world they currently live in. I can only imagine the hundreds and thousands of people whom have taken the Secret theory to such an extreme that their intentions to be and have better become self-crippling smoke screens blinding them from the truths that must be examined as part of the process. This can lead to unrealistic and unfair expectations of one’s self and others, which certainly does more harm than good. The question for you today is “At what point does positive thinking become wishful lies?”

I am in by no means knocking the Secret, I’m just saying that everyone thinks differently and if you really want to put it out there as public doctrine, put it out there with all of the disclaimers and risks that could be involved by discussing the importance of balance. The Secret, in my case, was the perfect way out and it worked to an extent and still does but…focusing my mind on everything positive and good did not always get me to the place I wanted to be as a full-circle individual. In fact, this very same principal has backfired more than once. The Secret teaches you to not even acknowledge negative thoughts or behaviors about yourself or other people – and this inhumane approach creates bigger monsters and demons to be slayed later. I like to call it ‘justified neglect’. I’ve told myself for years that it doesn’t matter what we want to do – good or bad, jacked up or pleasurable…WE ONLY NEED A REASON. To focus on the positive and who you want to be all day everyday and ignore the bad in hopes of good saving the day is absolutely insane. You run the risk of becoming a professional ‘DREAMER’ and runner. We all know one.

Newsflash: All of the secrets, mysteries and wonders revealed on this planet can’t take a way from the reality of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions at any given moment. By giving yourself permission to acknowledge and directly address your current dilemmas without feeling guilty, you are better equipped to think your way out of whatever it is you are wanting to change.

I told him I was good, I was okay, I didn’t have an issue with this or that because I knew what I wanted and needed to be (to him) in order to allow him to remain a part of my life. WTF was I doing? I thought the pain and resentment I felt was wrong and had to go away because he was truthful on his part. Some days it worked, some it didn’t – and on the days it didn’t I’d act like it to make it through only to cry and suffer in silence when left to deal with me. I danced with the idea of thinking that as long as I focused on being the person that I wanted to be to this individual, the rest would catch up and all would be well….one day soon. I die laughing as I explain it because it sounds so sick and crazy! But human, and I can accept that. 🙂 lol

To speak the truth to thousands of people every day and not be able to accept it in your own life at the end of every night is a secret life that nobody wants or should want to live. Doesn’t matter if your intentions are good or you don’t want to be the ‘burden’ by letting the truth be. I was ruining my essence in silent thunder as the clouds rolled and accumulated into the most furious hurricane capable of wiping out an entire city. It was only a matter of time before the levees would break.

Thoughts become things right? True, but in order to appropriately apply this theory you must touch on and acknowledge the present and what’s already there. You can’t just move on saying that you’re something by simply believing that you will be it without addressing the problem. As much as you want to believe it, there are some things that just don’t ‘go away’ when you ignore them. There are some things PUT THERE for you to work through as part of your karmic lessons. Deal with them and move on or keep dealing with the same shyt forever and ever, over and over.

Saying that you are something or feel a certain way that is completely opposite from the truth at any given moment (despite good intentions) is a lie and it makes you a LIAR. People don’t see where your heart is and why you choose the path you take in the process by not giving fan fair to negative feelings. They don’t see why you try to hide your personal discomforts for the sake of something better. They don’t care about that shyt. The only thing they see is that what you say is contradictory to how you feel and that you are a liar. Then, everything that you’ve said or done, or perhaps even written becomes discredited and up for debate. All because you wanted to live well and think your greatest wants and wishes into manifestation. I’ve learned the hard way that you cannot use such a practice to manipulate how you want situations in your life to be. Regardless of whatever secret lying beneath, the truth holds King and you better get down or lay down.

A very valuable lesson I’m learning and making a conscious effort to do is understand that I must acknowledge the truth openly and honestly first. With myself and with whomever else that may be attached to that truth. Even if it looks like a nasty, drooling little devil with horns that you’d rather not even face yourself you have to make that shit known first before going on to apply the rest of what you consider a part of the great blue print for success. The harsh realistic side behind the Secret is that just as “Thoughts becomes things”, “Truth is the overriding doctrine that makes all things reality”.

I’m just saying…find a happy balance.

-black girl.