Filed under: Matters of the Heart., Reflections of a Black Girl | Tags: life, living well, love
‘dreams’ by archan nair
Another important lesson to never take anything or anyone around you for granted because you never know when it’s their, or even your time. Always try to remember the big picture and understand why the most high put the people in your life around you, and you in theirs. I recently told a friend that I loved him and regretted it after because I felt vulnerable admitting to someone for the first time in my life that I’d be there regardless to listen and care, encourage and inspire. I hated it because it was uncomfortable, outside of my comfort zone and I didn’t want to make the friendship seem awkward. All selfish reasons and now I realize that everything that happens does so right on time and in perfect order. Whether we accept it or not. For all I know he needed to hear those words that day to encourage him to continue being the person he is working to become and to continue to live well. From now on I’m vowing to love the people around me more often and more importantly let them know because ‘we’ never know when it’s our time…
My momz just called me and told me that a childhood friend died. I’m working away, sipping my quad grade caramel machiatto and grouching through emails from clients that need everything now if not yesterday. I have caller ID on my office phone so I knew it was her.
“This me,” I picked up.
“Hey,” she said. I could tell her spirits were kinda low by the sound of her voice.
“I have bad news.” My mom knows I hate bad news, so she got to the point without beating bushes.
“Max died a couple of days ago.”
I thought I’d heard her wrong and gulped, “What!!?”
“Yea,” she dragged.
“He collapsed playing basketball and never woke up. Never been diagnosed with a disease and in perfect health. I can’t believe this.” Her voice in shock mode as well. She continued, “They are bringing the body back to Atlanta today.”
My mouth dropped and my heart sunk. Suddenly my mind pictured his shell lying in still state thinking; I bet he never expected he would die that day. I have a very sensitive soul and can feel things that a lot of people often can’t. Sometimes I can’t explain it myself, but the truth always comes to light eventually and my “Aha!” moment is there. Although I keep a game face I’ll admit that for the past two days I’ve been depressed and crying, not knowing why, tired and cranky…I just didn’t feel right. Having experienced these types of things in the past I knew something was wrong and dreaded the manifestation of that “Why.”
He was like a member of the family; always there for the holidays and special occasions. He was only thirty two years old. Law school graduate, with the biggest green eyes you’ve ever seen! Texts from folks in the family telling me it’s urgent to call started poppin up in my phone. And now that I know why, I’ll stall for now because I can’t hear those words again just yet. He was engaged to a beautiful young woman, set to be married this summer. I am still in shock and really don’t know what to say, and can only imagine how his fiancé feels. Although I know he’s crossed over to a better place it still hurts to lose someone you’ve known since you were 14 and like family. Max, if you’re tuning in know that although we didn’t talk too often my memories of you won’t fade. Your fiancé and family will be okay, and I know you’ll send them peace and comfort from your new place. Oh, and say hi to Nita (my aunt) and Jennifer (my baby sister) for me if they’re not already listening. Hopefully you guys will stop by to visit me soon. Love you both. XOXO
My pity party is officially over.
Photography by Nick Sushkevich
Gettin it in by any means necessary.
the question is…how bad do you want it?
Nice girls don’t get the corner office.
Filed under: The Fact of the Matter...
artwork by Sarah Torres
Sometimes I think I’m abnormal…until I remember that we are all a little OFF in some sort of way. Lol. It wasn’t until the past year or so that I fully embraced my weirdom and began to speak and express me vs. what others wanted to hear. This blog represents probably about 25% of the shyt I think about everyday, off the wall crazy stuff that would probably scare the shyt out of the average person. A creative being’s mind goes deep and complex. Enter at your own risk. Believe it or not my complexity often scares a lot of men away. I won’t lie, I used to dumb down just to have someone around to keep me company. Eventually I said forget it. This is silly and I gotta be myself even if that means being by myself! Thank goodness for my friends, the true one’s that I can be myself around. They know I’m a little off, but then again so are they.
I remember talking to a guy about how we all should be elevating ourselves in order to reach our full potential…blah blah. He looked at me and said, “You’re weird.” I said, “No you’re stupid. Weird is just a term that people use for something they can’t comprehend or understand. Don’t call me names because you can’t catch up.” Calling names isn’t nice, but hey he started it! Of course he poked out his lip, scurried away from our date and I never heard from him again. It wasn’t until he was walking away that I realized he had a high booty like a girl. What a freak. Ugh. There’s more to me than my B cup tits. I wish somebody would get it.
I often feel that creative expression and introspective thought communicated through various mediums to the ‘generals’ is pointless. Then I’m reminded that it’s there to share, and one of the key ways I’ve learned to connect with others and perhaps shed some light…or get some for myself.
Oh, and that tree sloth in the illustration is actually me. Chillin in the cut. Ha.
Did I mention I have an insatiable passion for music? Allow me to share one of my all time favorites. Bilal tells the truth! I’m all over this right about now for sure. Gotta have a song for every thought, feeling and groove. Here’s mine for today. Enjoy peoples. 🙂
Music is my soundtrack to life. Can’t imagine a world without it.
photography by Julia Pogodina
I can’t believe I told him that!! I’ll elaborate later, or maybe not. Damnit mang, I just don’t know what to say. Um, I know you’re reading this and laughing at me but…whatever. lol
Filed under: Reflections of a Black Girl
photography by christina myers
A good man doesn’t agree wholeheartedly with everything you say. He doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite. He doesn’t declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, etc. he is (he won’t have to because it shows). He has his own opinions and yours may clash, but he doesn’t have to degrade you to prove he’s right. He even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same.
A good man is not going to meet every item on your checklist. He is human with frailties and faults mixed in with all of his wonderful, strong attributes. He needs your love and respect. He needs to feel that you don’t live to catch him doing something wrong so you can declare, “Aha! I knew you were a dog!”
A good man isn’t insecure about his woman having great achievements. In fact, he is her number one supporter and becomes disappointed with her when she begins to lose herself, especially for the sake of not hurting his feelings, or only wanting to make him happy. His happiness comes with seeing her excel in her dreams and accomplishing her goals. For as she excels and is exalted, a good woman will bring her good man right along with her.
A good man doesn’t necessarily give you a huge birthday or Valentine’s gift. He shows his love in the ways that are comfortable to him. Don’t judge him by TV standards. No one is really living a fairy tale. You’ll miss out on your own fairy tale by buying into the myth that our men are no good. It’s just not true.
A good black man is a man of his word. He says what he means and means what he says. His word is his bond. He never leaves you wondering if he is going to call or show up – he is dependable. A good black man has a love and a heart for God. As his relationship and love with and for God grows so will his relationship and love with and for you grow…Our beautiful black men we salute you, appreciate you and thank you for who you are and all you’ve done.
Filed under: Get it Poppin!
I chose the silk above the knee dress. The Vegas winner that made my legs look like a million bucks. My pumps where fuchsia, to bring out the hints of it in the dress.
I debated on whether or not to mention the spot where we began our festivities because it so fly and in the cut, I know that once people catch on it won’t be so exclusive anymore. The owners served us, some guys from London that I hope to do business with in the future. Until then, the spot stays a secret (but I take bribes). B took me there a while back and I fell in love. I’m not sure if it was the time and talk we had or the place itself. I just knew I liked the ambiance and energy at that moment in time. I hadn’t been back since because he mentioned that he went there a lot, and I didn’t want it to seem like I wanted to be there hoping to run into him. I needed to keep my distance as much as possible for my own reasons, and he needed his space. Besides, he knows exactly how to find me. Now truly one of my best friends.
I was elated to see and grab the fly window seat to wait for my peoples. Took a minute to reflect, ordered a drink. I watched the motion outside of the window where they had a few tables and chairs. Candle light flickered on the small round tables to my right. I’d made it to 30. In one piece and on time. I thought about the many lessons I’d took in along the way and the pain of the past that I was nearly done shedding. I was confident and independent, I felt beautiful on the inside and sexy on the outside. I smelled good and was finally the me that was intended to be. It felt good.
Kimora got there first followed by B, L some of ‘the family’, Jess and D. We went through one or two (can’t remember lol) bottles of Riesling hummus and lamb skewers. After my second glass of wine I was a little bit more talkative then usual…”Yep she’s about to punch in (our out, can’t remember, lol!),” they laughed. Speaking of me being on the brink of buzzieness, I think we were all enjoying the festivities. Good times.
We initially planned to go to an underground dance spot and get it in but the crew verdict turned out to be Geisha House. I was kinda sad because people showed up at the other spot looking for me and I wasn’t there! L Bella made it but couldn’t find me once she got into the spot. She was supposed to be my date but oh well; I had L to keep me company! The event was partly done by one of mentees. I call her Barbie doll because she really does look like one of those cute Asian collector Barbie’s. Even though the event was new and had growing to do, I was very proud of her for taking that first step. It felt kinda good to give guidance and see people trust and act on it. I felt like I made a difference in a young woman’s life. She’s gotten that first taste of success now so I know she’ll only grow up from here.
So the Geisha House is where it got interesting. I heard I was too sexy for myself but still on good behavior. Got a little closer than I maybe should but in that moment, it was what it was and it felt damned good! Haha I’m not sure how many bottles of Riesling we’d consumed but I only remember bits and pieces past a certain point! Lol. The last I remember was dancing with B, Pippi, L and D on the dance floor and that was it! I was told by witnesses the next day that I had a fly time and didn’t do anything too crazy, aside from peeing on the side of a building?! LMAO I still don’t believe that but whatever. The final question would be did I get laid on my birthday and if so, what handsome beau was it? I’ll never tell hmm. I was just a little naughty but I promise the Riesling made me do it!! It was definitely birthday to remember and I’m glad I spent it with the people that cared about me most. Good times, good times. The part two crew just summoned me as I was finishing up so I guess I’m on my way to 300 with Ty, Reno and Bella. I guess there’ll be a part duex.
I’m beginning to think we’re exhibitionists. That’s hot.