Filed under: Chapter Next, Music is My Life | Tags: Michael Jackson, Remember, Rock With You
Today someone asked me how I will remember Michael Jackson. I sent them this as my reply…
When my assignment here is done, I truly hope that people will remember me for the creative and social impact I made on the world , and not for my mistakes.
-black girl.
Amber Rose
Music: N*** Please // Jay-Z
Ok, am I losing my mind or is this city crawling with every man but the right one? Please tell me that I am not the only woman in Atlanta strolling by quality far and few between. Like, it seems as though the existence of what we consider to be Good is a fictitious trick never to be solved by anyone. I imagine it to be something like this…
When a Good Man is coming to town, the Good Ladies sniff him out. A woman at the pool stops and turns her nose to the air…Good Man is coming. A young girl in the supermarket pauses in mid reach for the eggs, she feels it in her loins…Good Man is coming. Somewhere on the South Side another woman is leaving the gym. She steps out onto the busy sidewalk but pauses in mid-step, twitching her nostrils toward the passing wind. She must hurry home now…Good Man is on his way.
When the time comes every Good woman around readies herself in hopes of becoming that golden ticket winner. “Yes, Good Man will be here soon,” they sing to themselves as they imagine being wrapped in his arms. Nail Shops and Spas overflow and the hairstylists around the city are getting hella paid. Even retailers love it when Good Man is coming because the boost in sales is monstrous. You probably wonder why she goes out with her friends (just to party) wearing that $300 black dress. That’s because Good Man is in the building and the flocks are rolling out to make the coveted catch. When you head out to places like Atlantic Station or the Highlands on a warm sunny afternoon, and can’t help but wonder about the seemingly odd occurrence of bountiful, beautifully groomed women, it is at that moment you will understand that Good Man must be near. He is the epitome of perfection and the subject of every single (and probably married) woman’s dreams. He is Good Man, the one that every girl readies for when in reality he doesn’t exist, and all the Good women that considered themselves as such where never guilt or blemish free to begin with. The end.
Truth is, even if something is good we tend to examine it intently until we convince ourselves that it (or he) is actually not good. I have an issue with this and it is one of the things that I constantly work on because there are certain things that I just won’t put up with a second or even first time. I can’t speak for anyone else, but when I see the red flags I bail, period. My thought is that the next man will do the same if I am a not a fit for his taste so why should settle for certain things? Its not a secret that my tolerance is low, but while one person wastes valuable time fighting for something that points to nowhere you can find me on the outside, kicking it like Amber in the pic thinking about what moves to make in accordance with the ultimate scheme, lol. Far too many times I’m just not buying it especially since the term Good can be used without any discretion, including my own.
Call me a pessimist but I really don’t think a “Good” man exists. Partly because the definition of the term Good man is so relative and broad it holds no true ground. Anybody can call someone a Good Man, but keep in mind that their perception may be different than yours. Sure then, I know that the person I end up with will have flaws just as I, but the real challenge is deciding which of these to accommodate and which to run from at the first obvious warning. What would you constitute as a red flag and how many times would you let someone raise it before you get the hint that he is not Good for you? I like to use the “Ninja please,” test. If something occurs or is said that provokes a brow lift and a…
“Ninja…please,”…
Then I’m definitely on guard and taking mental note. Look for some real world examples soon. 
-black girl.
Filed under: Chapter Next, Get it Poppin! | Tags: Ellen Degeneres, Halle Berry, Hurricane Chris, She's Fine, You Tube video
LOL, this is why I love Atlanta.
-black girl.
Filed under: Chapter Next, Inspiration | Tags: Black Star, mos def, motivation, Thieves in the Night
Music: Black Star // Thieves in the Night
It’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day stuff in life, and I admit that there are days when I rely solely upon silent prayers to get me through in a functional manner. I don’t think anyone would argue against the fact that life is a challenge for a lot of us in one way or another, and sometimes there’s nothing left to do but ride or die. There are some cases though when this is not enough.
Some of the challenges we face are beyond our control. Others are within our control, and the most interesting of challenges are those that appear to be beyond our control when in fact we hold the key. I believe that the latter of these three challenges are a form of natural conditioning designed to teach us how to unlock and discover a dormant power that the Gods have, for whatever reason, decided you need to unleash and walk in ASAP. Those challenges are the worst because they seem to come from left field and have a greater likelihood of knocking you square on your ass. They are those gravest of circumstances where you just have to look to clouds and say, “Really? Are you serious?” It’s in those times when you think its over that you must recognize the gift that is being given to you (no matter how irrational that may seem).
Many brush these situations off as bad luck, a fact of life or an “it is what it is” type thing that will likely solve itself with time if I just sit quietly in the room. But how many times have you let that thing ride only for it to come back and rear its ugly head again and again? Welcome to the karmic lesson – and until you get that lesson by passing the test you will continue to be that one sad soul in the room always pouting about some misfortune that has happened in your life, wishing for your Captain (save a hoe). The disheartening fact is that until you get it you just won’t get it. Whatever that ‘it’ may be, you’ll never have it because you’ve not qualified yourself by recognizing this type of challenge and fighting your way through it. It’s the Golden Rule that must be followed.
In the past I have been that person. The worry wart and undue recipient of significant hardship. Although I never fully gave up in the face of adversity, I didn’t fight hard either – mainly because I abhorred conflict of any kind. It wasn’t until I became a more mature adult able to look at a significant chunk of my life in hindsight that I understood the lessons that I’d been assigned to learn in order to fulfill my life’s purpose. Let me tell you, I’ve been through some ish. I faced some really tough situations and was forced to make some adult decisions at a very young age. And of all of those decisions and situations I was faced with, it was the times where I thought it was over that I shined and grew the most when all was said and done. I’m thankful that I’ve been given the gift to recognize the difference between such challenges now because instead of sinking into self pity when I just know for a fact it’s the end - I FIGHT. In doing so I began to understand that the most difficult challenges represent opportunity and evidence that there is someone on the other side that cares enough to condition you to greatness. Your own personal ‘keeper’ per say.
That said, when things appear difficult and you think it’s the end, the black hole has no light and you might just sink into your own despair please don’t do it! Those very moments are a test of your being put in place to condition the spirit, body and mind. If you think about what separates the winners from the non-doers, you’ll notice that what most non-doers lack is vision. They can’t see far enough beyond their own circumstance to know that something incredible lies on the other side of whatever harsh reality that has set up camp in the present.
So what makes a winner and more importantly, which one are you?
-black girl.
Filed under: Chapter Next, Dating N Stuff | Tags: black relationships, Mims, Move if you wanna
HIM: you sleeping wit me 2nite?
ME: lol – Now why would I do that when you’re not even given up no D?
HIM: Didn’t know it mattered….
ME: It does. If we aint fukin then I don’t know what to tell you LOL!!!!!!!
HIM: Oh well thought u might wanna get rubbed on.
ME: Seriously though, I love to get rubbed on – all of that but i haven’t spent enough personal time with you to know whether or not I’d be cool with you even rubbing on me! Lol I feel like we’re skipping steps. Phone chats to sleep overs. Sure if that’s what you’re looking for…thats just not what I’m looking for.
HIM: U’d be cool, this I know, I don’t follow steps I do what I want…no rules here, just standards.
ME: Well I never mentioned rules, but while we are on the standards part.
HIM: What are u looking for?
ME: my Standards say that I prefer to get to know someone on neutral ground first [name’s] crib is not neutral. What I’m looking for is someone that I can feel comfortable being around, a homie first.
HIM: I don’t follow guidelines tho, its always up to you…
ME: Ok well – whenever we are able to link up we can talk about it.
HIM: A homie is just that a homie – I find that most women can’t handle that.
ME: Most women that are digging you can’t handle that. I’m not certain that two individuals that have a mutual attraction for each other can just be friends but for me, that’s an important starting point.
HIM: True maybe its just because they usually do, if u’r different that’s cool but I like to end up where I start. So I’m fine with homies but that’s it.
ME: ha – and that’s the whole premise. Friendships last so much longer and to me are much more honest than quickly woven relationships no matter how deep they become. I have a few male friends and I know more about them than their own lover(s) do lol – That’s the kind of partner I’d like to have one day. Someone’s who’s my true friend. So…
If you wanna stay my friend forever cool – but that means I can’t spend the night until I’m comfortable taking you out of the “hmmm I kinda like this dude” category.
HIM: Understandable, you call the shots.
ME: …although I look forward to the day where I don’t have to call the shots – at least all of the time!
HIM: U wanna make guidelines and then say u don’t call shots lol…..go figure
ME: no – I said I look forward to the day where I don’t have to!
But as a single woman on my own I have to have standards to go by
otherwise I’d be run through and run down hella quick you know?
(pause) guess not lol
HIM: Nah I don’t. No problems over here tho……..u go girl : )
ME: whatever dude.
HIM: Why I gotta be the dude now?
ME: Your comment put you in the dude category lol – I’m kidding
its just something I say Like…yea, ok…whatever…
(pause)
The impression I get is that you are already pre-occupied in the romantic area but are open to sharing your pockets of free time with someone interesting. Based on your invites I feel as though I am a last minute, last resort type thing like…I’m chillin tonight let me see what’s up with [Black Girl]. That’s not what I’m looking for which is why i haven’t come over…late at night anyway
ME: Don’t mistake it for me complaining though. It’s just an observation that I’ve picked up on from day one, but i thought telling you might help you better understand my POV in terms of the Standards we mentioned.
HIM: Nah that’s not it I think u’r real cool and def interesting but again I do what I want because I can. Women who are used to controlling men (at least initially) find me either as a turn off or an addiction. It all boils down to understanding my value as a man…a black man. U won’t find 2 many like me tho….
ME: Hmm – so its coming out. Do you get the impression that I am used to controlling men?
HIM: Manipulative slightly…….maybe. Most women are tho…….so u’r normal
ME: No – I think you have it mistaken. Manipulative is not my style in any way.
HIM: Ok u should be ok following the lead then, I’m leading
ME: I don’t just follow any lead so manipulative or controlling doesn’t apply. You have to give me a reason to trust you enough to follow your lead. I need to trust you first. Quite the contrary, I allow people to be who they are. Especially men – and my attitude is to take it or leave it. Controlling or trying to change the fabric of someone’s character is a waste of time. So I listen, observe and based my decisions off of what I am shown.
HIM: As u shouldn’t but I’m not trying to convince u to do anything u don’t want to….just explaining my style, that all…..
ME: Gotcha – I know you’re not but you said I was manipulative in a way, sorta controlling. And I wanted to address that before we went any further because I don’t want my moves to be misinterpreted.
But you brought up a good point because Black women can be controlling, manipulative, crazy. More than 50% and I agree its a problem. But recognize quality too – don’t get them mixed up because I look forward to following a LEADER
HIM: ‘Just dialogue that’s all….
ME: word (long pause) where you go?
-black girl.
Filed under: Chapter Next, WTF? | Tags: Black Women, Bombs Over Baghdad, outkast
Anthony Kurtz
Music: Outkast // Bombs Over Baghdad
So, I was on my way into the gym this morning minding my own peaceful business. Parked in my usual spot, got out to grab my duffle from the back. Had to pause when I heard the most ear searing noise that most have come to dread: A Black Woman’s Wrath. This chick was arguing and damn near shadow boxing about a block away on the opposite side of an otherwise quiet street. Low and behold the source of the profane language, threatening screams and outrageous banter was made known to all that would hear, listen and take note. Someone had really pissed her off.
If EXTRA had a face it would look exactly like her because she was overly crazy with it. Like, you know how someone is just yelling about nothing and all you can do is moan, “Shut the $#@*(% Up,” over and over to yourself? Her monologue was something serious and she wanted the entire world to hear how sorry the father of her son was. She pointed to the air talking about how money was the burden and he needed to pay the mortgage like he said he would. I’m surprised she didn’t call him by first and last name while she was busy putting the word out on the street. Not only that, she was cutting him down to the ground with her mouth – words so sharp they could kill. How could any man’s ego withstand that battle?
I’m not doubting the other person’s actions to be true, and I’m pretty sure her anger was justified. But my issue is with how she handled the situation. It wasn’t but a week ago that I was damn near attacked for $1 flip flops by a Black woman. What is it inside that keeps us on edge, ready to fight and win? As I tuned away from the woman’s conversation and toward my morning burn out I found myself a little irritated, and to an extent embarrassed as an immediate thought came to mind:
“Black women are collectively stereotyped as sex driven bitches. We’re pigeon holed as loud, overly dramatic egotistical drama creators that can’t keep our mouths shut long enough to hear the other person speak.”
If I had a penny for every man that would agree to this phrase being an accurate assumption I’d be an extremely wealthy woman. I listen to my male friends and what they say about the things Black women do. I always defend, explaining that we are not the same and insisting that all women of color should be given the benefit of the doubt in the beginning. But how can I request a pardon when a large majority of us are turning my professed truths into lies? How can I argue that all Black women aren’t combative and rude when provoked when in fact so many of us are?
She’s too aggressive. She uses our child to extort what she wants from me. She bleached all of my clothes. She’s always got something to say about something, like…shhh! STFUP!
All comments guys have shared when recounting some of their own dating experiences with the Sisters. At first I blamed it on their choice in women until I started to see the point of view for myself. The more I listened to their stories the more I began to pay attention to my behavior and others, and honestly I can see where the finger snapping, ghetto Bonquisha persona came from. I can also see who’s reinforcing it, making the image of the aggressive natured Black women an automatic expectation upon introduction’s first ‘hello’. I am not sure what can be done to discredit the overshadowing of something so negative, especially after seeing what I saw this morning.
-black girl.
Filed under: Music is My Life
I love the journey this video takes you on…
-black girl.
Filed under: Chapter Next, My Work. My Hustle. | Tags: Drake, Goals, Successful
Music: Drake // Successful
Most in my life can attest to the fact that I’ve never been without a job or hustle. At the best of times I’ve successfully managed both, and at the worst I relied soley upon the inconsistent payout of a hustle to feed my family. The latter, incredibly stressful and nerve wracking if you were accustomed to attaining things the ‘easy’ way in life. In that regard I’m thankful for the experience of having to literally go out and compete and learn the rules of the game as if my life depended on it. I’ve since altered my moves but maintianed some of that mentality. Constantly staying on the move, elusive and unpredictable while applying the rules of knowledge and adaptation in the most unsuspecting ways in order to attain my goals.
The downside of playing in the lions den is that everything is an illusion, and what usually is most likely is not. You learn to think on your feet and stay 100 steps ahead of your own game or else…you lose. Game over. And all the same, even as a female, you’re not permitted to physically show the toll that the hustle has taken on your own soul – lest you be spotted by those waiting to take charge of your position while at your weakest point. Again, you lose. So, I learned that side of life, got what I needed and took what I could take with me to apply to the next phase; in which the ultimate goal would be to do smarter over harder. Needless to say I had to make some serious decisions about who and where I wanted to be in life and at that point I decided take a different road.
What kills me, though, is how some folks can stand to criticize and question what it is you’re doing in terms of achieving your goals. Some friends have told me that they disagree with the time I’m investing to get my degree since I have equivalent business experience. “You could be investing that time in your own business.” My answer is: If you want to play high ball in the big game there are certain rules you must follow; leaving the others left to be broken.
Others have wondered how I am making time to peruse a writing career and full time career; school and a home with babies in it. I offer two words: Strategic Planning. The essence of the grind or ’success’ if you may manifests as different things to different people. It means a multitude of things to a particular individual. My top isn’t your top and I wish more people understood that principle.
There are times when I’m questioned about my reasons for selecting the particular path I’ve chosen, and I’ve faced the critical opinion of intellectual friends whose purpose is to challenge any perspective I’ve thrown at them (to keep me on my toes:). And when the majority of them question my how in it all and why I believe that my chosen path is aligned with my destiny I always offer the same response:
“Failure is not an option.”
And so what if I’ve got a lot on my plate…it just means that I have to eat twice as fast. Napkin, please?
-black girl.
Filed under: Chapter Next, Life & Times of Bargain Betty | Tags: Atlantic Station, Flip Flop Sale, Old Navy
The picture above was taken by yours truly from a strategically selected parking space in front of Old Navy in Atlantic Station yesterday. I, among the other early birds lined behind my car single file, thought it would be smart to get there early to take advantage of the event of the year…the highlight of the season…the kickoff of a southern summer…The One Dollar flip flop sale at Old Navy! LOL I have to laugh at myself because I actually woke up on Saturday morning with a tinge of excitement because soon I’d have a pair of flip flops to match every summer ensemble; just as I’d done last year around this time.
I also thought it cute to let my friends know because I care, but mainly because I just like to be the bearer of great news. Some were on it, others responding thanks, while the majority of my male friends replied, “Real Men Don’t Wear Flip Flops.” Yea, whatever.
Lo had forewarned me of the drama that would soon come, she was already in the mix at another store that had opened earlier than mine. “These people are crazy, pushing you over and everything,” she laughed, “Oh brown! I’ll call you back.” I doubted that I would experience the same madness but was sadly mistaken, and it wasn’t long before the mumbling of threatening curse words ensued underneath my breath.
I was tiny and trapped in a mound of scandalous women clawing and flinging arms, willing to do whatever to get that pink size 9. I sported my slick ninja moves on em, looked for other displays in the store that may have the same thing. Low and behold toward the middle back, three more carts of shoes were ready for the taking. I could hear the others catching on to the existence of my new-found oasis, clamoring their way toward the carts I quickly hounded through.
Finally I’d had every color of my heart’s desire except for one…the white flip flop. I spotted a pair in my size sitting lonely on the other side of the cart and reached for them. Out of no where my hand was stunned with the sting from a woman’s massive hand. It took me a second to register this fact: Whoa and YES, this chick really did smack my hand.
“Those are mine,” she said staring at me blankly. Her eyes were almost animalistic and that white pair of flip flops was the only thing on her menu. Question: Did I want to go to war over a pair $1 flip flops, or should I kindly back down and let her way be had? My blood began to boil and it took every thing I had not to smack the $hit out of her for putting her hands on a complete stranger over something so trivial. I’m not sure if I was more stunned than angry but I just stared at her for a few seconds. A glare that warned of my dark side that would turn the entire %&#$@* Old Navy upside down just to prove a point. Nevertheless, I settled with, “Damn, is it that serious? Here sweetie they’re yours.”
Aside from nearly getting trampled by a stampede of color rubber hungry banchees and nearly getting eaten by a crazy witch with an appetite for flip flips, I made out ok with about 20 pair in assorted flavors for the family – and got the hell out of there quick before I changed my mind about that ‘just to a prove a point’ fantasy.
…and who needs white anyway. :-\
-black girl.
Filed under: Black Cinema | Tags: Oprah Winfrey, Precious movie, Push novel, Saphhire, Sundance winner, Tyler Perry
“PRECIOUS”
This story hits home in a lot of ways and is definitely on my film list for fall. Although I think they should have stuck with the original title “Push”, the lesson still sells itself. Based on the novel written by Sapphire, this film has already captured the Sundance Festival’s Grand Jury, Audience and Special Jury Awards.
About the Movie: Clareece “Precious” Jones is an overweight, illiterate African-American teen in Harlem. Just as she’s about to give birth to her second child, Jones is accepted into an alternative school where a teacher helps her find a new path in her life. Drops this November.
*The book is on Amazon for about $8 bucks.
-black girl.
