Filed under: Chapter Next | Tags: Frankfurt, Men Lie, Women Lie, Yo Gotti
Kate Frankfurt
http://thefader.cachefly.net/women-men.mp3?99.9240991608484Music: Yo Gotti // Women Lie, Men Lie
I miss you guys…but ya know how it goes, lol. I had to take another impromptu hiatus to gather my things and move on up a notch. Finally settled in, my cutsie home office is done. I’m excited. The new business venture I mentioned is moving in fast forward motion, to the point where I’m going to have to start considering the appropriate attire to wear when attending client meetings. Dress for the occasion I guess. At any rate, I just wanted to reach out to let you know that I’m still here…building…loving best I can. And FINALLY I have my special place to write so expect to hear from me soon. In the meantime, be easy.
Ps. This song has nothing to do with the post. I just think it’s dope.
-black girl.
Filed under: Chapter Next, Reflections of a Black Girl | Tags: lessons, New Year Resolutions, Rising Up, The Roots
Music: Rising Up // The Roots
Happy New Year to ya! Hopefully your evening and day were spent exactly as you saw fit. As for myself, I partied with some friends at the Ritz and brought in the year surrounded by all of the very people that I will continue to remain connected to in the new decade. Aside from the partying, I also launched a new business and spent most of my new year’s day tarrying over things to do, people to get on the phone with and ish like that. But in the midst of my busy state I thought about you and this blog and wanted to share some words for your 2010.
You know I’m a list girl, lol. And in the midst of my planning and to do’s I began thinking about all of the lessons I’d learned this year. There are so many, but for the sake of brevity I’ll give you my absolute top five. Hopefully you can take something away for yourself as well.
…in no particular order
1. Master the art of doing more with less. I lost a lot this year, only to gain more and greater in the end. This lesson was necessary for me because during those times of loss and shortage I found myself devising new and creative ways to do more with the what I had. And ironically I came up with ways to obtain and build more with what I had, which is crazy to me, lol. Learning to live and enjoy life on the bare minimal is a character builder. A skill builder too, but when you mentally master of the art of doing more with less, you’ll have the skill and know how to manage and keep the excess that is destined to come your way. It’s all apart of the process.
2. Understand the value in every relationship. I’ve always been guilty of hanging on to people or connecting with folks that may not necessarily have my well being as a priority in their minds. This year I really learned to understand the value in every relationship and connection in my life. Value would be defined as anything “good” that happens as a result of the connection, even if you are not the direct recipient. When I began to look at the people around me in this light, I shed a lot of dead weight and ended my 2009 with a close group of valuable relationships that I will continue to build and grow in the years ahead. Contrarily speaking, if you cannot see the value in the connection whatsoever, let. it. go.
3. When in doubt, build, build, and build some more. I can’t tell you how many times I second-guessed and questioned my path throughout the year. I was on something new and treading unfamiliar territory, so I was unsure of what to except along the way. And I admit I was a little scramble headed trying to figure I all out! Lol. But the one thing that I continued to do was build even when I didn’t know much else at the time. I’m not saying build something on shaky ground, I’m saying that when you are in doubt, build on what you know because chances are you know it for a reason! Build and don’t stop, the rest will take shape. I am a living witness to that.
4. Don’t think big, think broad. I’d like to think of big as anything larger than what it is compared to. Usually taller, maybe wider, right? We really can’t pinpoint it we just know its bigger than something else. But, just because something is big doesn’t mean that we can see it in its entirety. What we’re thinking about may be too far over our heads to wholly understand, or there may be something on the other side of that big that we may not necessarily want to fool with. But when I think of something broad, I think of it as being long range, wide, but at eye level so that you can see a lot more with the basic turn of your head. Can’t see that far in the distance? Get some glasses, some knowledge. It just seems smarter to think broad in order to be big. Thinking big is a little less specific, but thinking broad gives us a long-range front, rear and side-to-side view of our lives. It also takes a lot more skill and strategy than thinking big, which is easy. I’ll definitely be focusing on the broader picture in 2010.
5. Love. I know its something so simple but I learned a lot about love this year. Not the boo’d up R-Kelly kinda love, but the love that you share with your family and friends and carries a ,”No matter what, now matter how” disclaimer. As in no matter what happens, no matter what you do, that real kind of love will be there when you need it most. If you don’t have access to that kind of love and you are not able to offer it yourself, work on that ASAP. Get past your issues, amend the mistakes and have your sorries because in the end its that real kind of the love that will get you through the most challenging times
-black girl.
Music: Going On // Gnarles Barkley
I needed some time to think and get my shit together. To really decide what I am doing and how it compliments the bigger picture. Even now I’m sitting here at the computer wondering whether or not to push things harder than I have, or to stay on the same course and speed throughout the next year. I’m afraid the latter isn’t in my blood. Something that became painfully evident this year when I made the ultimate decision to go back to school to learn the mechanics behind my craft. I don’t think I’ve ever worked this hard toward something to be honest with you. For the majority of my life ish came easy. I always seemed to get by and attain what I wanted without much effort, like I had a personal Angel making moves on my behalf or something. So you could imagine the tantrums and fits I threw this year for pushing myself to levels I hadn’t danced on before. One of my homies said it best though. “This is a good thing because you’re building resilience, strength, discipline…you think things are hard but they are not. You good.” I concurred without mentioning that I’d been witnessing the cloud of fear dissipating before my eyes for months now. Proof that what he was saying was indeed correct.
As the cloud continued to dwindle to nothing I began to see and better understand the ultimate design and purpose for my life. And the more I see, the harder I rock. I said that 2008 was a year of change and it became so, and I said that 2009 would be our year to build, work and prepare. Those of you that ride strong with me are in some form or fashion building up yourselves. Which means that 2010 will usher in a year of heightened execution for you and I. All that we’ve practiced and perhaps even learned the hard way will come into play. Everything that we’ve worked on and prepared ourselves for will be put on the playing field and against the opposing side. Will you score? Yes, because we have spent time building as we should. I personally did a lot of cleaning out, cleaning up and moving on to make room for an even more victorious year that’s almost here…and that’s definitely a good thing.
-black girl.
Filed under: Chapter Next, Raise Your Stock | Tags: DJ Khaled, Drake, Fed Up, Rick Ross, Usher, Young Jeezy
Music: Fed Up // DJ Khaled ft. Usher, Jeezy, Rick Ross, Drake.
Wow. Just when you think things are coming to a pause, suddenly you are thrust into the next phase of your game. I don’t think the Universe cares if we’re ready or not. We just kinda have to learn and do as we go along until we get it right for the next phase. Anyway, I’m excited. Motivated. Ready. But more importantly, as you can probably tell, I’m not talking much. Just re-arranging my life in a big way. I have a reaaaaallly good feeling about 2010! Bear with me if you will.
ps. Stay progressive…now is not the time to give up.
-black girl.
Music: Girlicious // Liar, Liar
Time and time again, I am reminded why I should let certain people go whom I’ve thought to call ‘friend’. Then again, I am almost convinced that this may be one of my life-long karmic lessons, that you can’t call everyone friend regardless of how long the two of you have known each other. At least you can expect your enemies to tell you the truth when asked!
And ninjas lie like second nature even when they don’t have a reason to. To be honest, I thought he and I were past that…but how can you expect me to receive you differently when you keep bringing the same ish to the table? Like, really?
A brief time line:
I offer to take him out for his birthday.
He says, “Awe, Mom has a surprise party planned that I’m not supposed to know is a surprise.”
“Cool,” I say thinking that the offer was more so a cordial gesture to a friend of 16 plus years, and I really wanted to see “Paranormal Activity” anyway.
Low and behold the liar is spotted on a date…at the same movie, lolol.
Wow, really?
I could have cared less about the date, were are just friends…so why not say, “Oh, already got plans.” Gratuitous lies are insane to me!
That shyt is really baffling but suppose I can’t get mad when things are revealed as I’ve asked. But still, WHY? LIE? when you have no reason to? I realize that I have a bad habit of holding on to things or people for the sake of holding on to time and wanting to forgive, but taking people at face value is probably what I should be doing more of. So…it’s probably time to grow up and hand certain individuals the pink slip since its evident that they can’t be trusted. But really though, WTF? Someone please help me understand why men lie for no reason whatsoever. And before you go there, yes, women lie too…numbers don’t and all of that. But the topic here is men. Why do you lie? Is it fear? Insecurities? Certainly you can’t be overly concerned with the other person’s feelings because if that’s the case you wouldn’t do it to begin with. To be honest I find it offensive, disrespectful…like as women we are too weak to handle an insignificant truth. And if that is part of the reason let me be the first to tell you, “BULLSHYT.”
-black girl.
My very last serene view of yet another summer.
Music: August Day Song // Bebel Gilberto
I always laugh with my friends about the irony of life. In how it so easy to live as if things will never change, and that everything you see, do and hear will be the same as you see, hear and do even a week from now. We all assume it to be dangerously so, and in turn we subject ourselves to the harsh blows that life is notorious for throwing. To no fault of our own because it’s just how some folks live. But if only more of us could learn the importance of living for each individual day, loving and taking care of everything in it with sincerity and intent…with purpose in the moment, I think one’s quality of life would be that much more enjoyable without any external changes needed. Going through the motions and expecting that the future will be exactly as we planned is a risky habit that I admit to having succumb to at times. But in all of it I’ve learned an important fact: we all deserve to live and live well. And that includes cherishing the present day.
Waving goodbye to the end of summer while wading in the warm waters of the Mexican Gulf gave me exactly what I needed. An opportunity to come clean with myself, all the shit that had happened over the past few months, and to really wrap my mind around some important points. Revise my values. Reorganize my principals, priorities and beliefs. To wash away the bad and keep the good. I can’t say I did much writing while there, but the time was well spent doing all that I needed to do to usher out the summer and get on with a day that’s new. Besides, I had to get myself back to this here city to get on with my get on. Now more then ever there’s mad work to do
Live vivaciously.
-black girl.
Music: Jay-Z // History
Things are finally somewhat back to normal. I say somewhat because so much has changed within my life and within me. The world just looks different if that makes any kind of sense at all. Boy I tell you. There is so much power in perspective, and I love how life’s lessons have a way of showing up in the most peculiar and unexpected places just so that we may know how to look at things a bit differently.
-black girl.
Filed under: Chapter Next, Fly and Fabulous | Tags: Natural Hair, Short Hair, Solange Knowles
You’ve probably heard the news on Solange’s new do, and I have to admit I was more than elated to see her new style. Not because it’s cool and hip, and not even because cutting your hair off is the best way to start fresh and move forward (on a lot of fronts). I’m digging this because it says a lot about Black women (especially in mainstream entertainment) and how much farther we have come. After seeing the amount of shallow minded negativity and judgemental opinions of others on the change, it’s only fitting that I offer my opinion on this particualr issue regarding Black women and our hair.
Some of you may remember when I cut all of my hair off and started over last year. I’m proud to say that I’m still a natural gal despite my own personal bitch fits with thine kinky roots. It wasn’t easy sticking to it! Why? Because it’s a given that the wide majority of our generation is so heavily influenced by pop culture, entertainment and media that we tend to unconsciously deem long flowing hair or Anglo Saxon looking crops to be better than kinky hair or none at all. To no direct fault of our own…it’s just a given fact. In a sense we’ve allowed others to paint the picture of what’s acceptable for us vs. deciding what’s best from an individual standpoint. I hate to say it but a lot of Black women and young girls are left with the impression that longer and straighter is better – and even “Hawaiian” curly will do, so long as you can still run your fingers through it. The cause extends far beyond the times of you and I, and over the years we’ve adapted to the adopted stance that, “The more we look like them the better off we’ll be.”
In an ideal world, Black women would be able to wear the hairstyles they want and get the same appreciation and attention as they would with no hair or natural hair, but this is simply not the case. India Arie wrote “I am not my hair” for a reason. One of those being that far too many women get caught up in the hair issue when we should really be focusing more on what’s inside by avoiding the temptation to adopt the judgmental attitudes taken toward the outward appearance of ourselves and others. I was that girl who knew every kind of sew in and could master the look of a wig and pull it off as my own in a heartbeat. Not because I necessarily enjoyed setting my scalp on fire, cutting it off from oxygen or searing my hair with a beveling iron or curlers, but because it was what I was always taught and had become accustomed to…straight is more manageable while “nappy” hair is NOT the business. I am not saying that straightening our hair or extending its length is a bad thing, I’m only saying that we should be more accepting of women that choose to rock what they’ve been given naturally…and let me tell you why.
After cutting my hair and growing it natural for about a year now, I can confirm through experience which type of hair is deemed more “acceptable” by society and even a lot of men. In order to stick with my stance I really had to get my mind right and understand that my sense of value in appearance did not come from the quality of my mane. Thankfully I’m not a bad looking chick, but when I did chop it off while simultaneously boycotting the perm, I was faced with the issue of being able to hide behind absolutely nothing but the woman that I truly was. You know how you feel when you get that fresh weave or new silky straight style. It’s a confidence booster and you know that if nothing else is working right on that day, your hair is in perfect place and bangin’ . But what happens when you take away that element and confidence booster? You are faced with yourself and forced to realize that perhaps it was that same hair (or another enhancement of outward appearance) that kept you away from your natural self on the inside. It wasn’t until I removed that element that I realized what was really important and how much I’d been hiding behind hair that wasn’t 100% my own. I’d been shortchanging the non-tangible contributions that I could make to the world by spending too much time on the things that don’t carry as much weight at the end of the day. It was a real reality check. By letting go of the mainstream and adopting something that I felt was right for me I began attracting different kinds of people into my life that for the most part had one key characteristic in common: DEPTH. I think this is because my choice to live naturally was an outward statement of my ability to think independently and rock my personal style even its not what’s hot on that day. When you see a woman like Solange (especially in the business) above, you know that she carries the ever so important trait as an independent thinker and someone that is so sure of herself that she can assume any role – regardless of what others deem acceptable or are naturally attracted to. Unlike other celebs who have shaved their heads due to a southbound career, I honestly believe that for Solange this was a personal choice (even if temporary) and for no other reason than to do her. So the next time you see a Black woman with a natural style or no hair all, you’d probably want to introduce yourself because there is typically more than meets the eye.
If you consider your current hair style to be a matter of preference, ask yourself why. Are the reasons good enough? If you do need a little boost in finding out who you TRULY are, cut it all off and refuse to perm it for no other reason than just doing you.
-black girl.
Lil Kim
Music: Money // Boa
On Wednesday I took a break away from the office early to run a few errands. My first stop was the doctor’s office to pay for copies of my own records (SMH). I didn’t put up a fight when she hit me with the $35 bucks because I was convinced I’d made the right decision to switch anyway. Primary note to self: Any dental office that employs a receptionist with horribly stained and crooked chomps probably isn’t as reputable as they claim, even if they are in Buckhead. Like really, what the hell? It didn’t add up which is why I ultimately took my ish and ran.
While fumbling through my bag for a wallet at the front desk, a woman sitting in the chair was chatting with another patient while waiting to be seen. All of a sudden she comments, “You have such nice legs!” my natural response was, “thank you!” Wondering in the back of my mind if she was just being nice or actually hitting on me. There was this look in here eye that I couldn’t quite interpret. Nevertheless, I was flattered but instantly reminded of something while I was dropping the money on the counter. My lovely legs may just have to find another mode of workout since I’m probably gonna get rid of my gym membership among other things.
Just the night before I was squabbling to Jules about money (and men), trying to think of ways I can make what I currently have work a little better for me. I’m not down and out financially but the way things are looking with the economy as a whole, I don’t want to be one of the ones that suffers for getting too caught up in consumer spending. That kinda stuff puts you in a position that nobody wants to be in, so I think its always good to re-evaluate your finances to see where you could cut back until things look a little more stable.
My bright idea to ditch the $40 monthly gym membership and redirect the cash to 401K is only one action toward the cause. I’m sure there’s more (or less) I could probably be doing to make my nest-egg fatter. I’m not going to lie though, I’m spoiled and I like what I want when I want it! So the fact that I can’t go to the gym and workout may crab me out initially even though I’m willing to make the sacrifice if it means living below my means. A sensible mind would say, “Black Girl, no big deal. Why don’t you just run up and down Peachtree like all of the other fanatics?” Well what if I start running and just keep going and never come back? Seriously though. I know what running does to your knees/feet and I’m all about preserving the only sets that I have.
I spoke to a couple of girlfriends about my mission and they’ve agreed to give something up too. Elaina will put next month’s breast enhancement on hold. So now (and by the grace of God) she will not look like lil Kim come Christmas. I personally don’t think she wanted to drop that kind of money on boobs anyway because she wasn’t that hard to talk out of it. Jada committed to doing her own manicures for the next six months. Whether or not Karlin will give up her expensive wines still remains a mystery because I swear every time I go to her house she’s always warm and bubbly, lol. I’m extending the challenge for others to do the same so all of my other homies who are reading this get ready! I’ll be calling you this weekend.
So my questions to you is this. Have you checked up on your financial health lately? Are there things you’re probably blowing your money on that you could do without for a short or longer period of time? Whether you’re rich, broke, with a job or without, now is the time to re-evaluate your finances and cut back where you can. Even if it’s setting $5 aside in a jar twice a week, we cannot allow ourselves to be put in the vulnerable position of being caught out there for focusing on the wrong things.
-black girl.
Music: Brown Skin Lady // Mos Def
Alright, so you’re probably wondering how that date went. Well…it was perfect. Can you believe it? I have not one complaint, issue, gripe or worry to recount to you. In fact, it was quite the opposite of the date from hell and was something more like old friends getting together after a long time apart. I didn’t feel uncomfortable or self-conscious around him as if I’d need to ensure that every hair and article of clothing remain in perfect composure the entire time. The positive energy was definitely there as I imagined it would be, and it didn’t hurt that he was more than a little easy on the eyes.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you’re probably familiar with what I’ve often referred to as my self-defeating habit of “holding out” for the right kind of man. I say self-defeating because I can be incredibly stubborn when it comes to certain things – like men. With a lifetime of not so good decisions and miscalculated turns under my belt, I thought it best to work on respecting and upgrading myself by treating Black Girl like the woman that she truly is. I decided that I would not give anyone the time of day who was not willing to play by what I felt were respectful courtship rules. But just as I was beginning to come to terms with those realizations, here comes someone willing to bring a breath of fresh air to my somewhat lopsided social regime.
What did I wear? I initally planned to wear a dress but changed my mind at the last minute opting for a pair of cute Rock & Republic jeans and a sleeveless purple silk blouse that gathered at the neck. Dangly earrings and light makeup, carried a small clutch bag to hold my cell phone, gloss and keys. My jeans weren’t hemmed so I had to find the tallest heels I had so they wouldn’t scrape the ground and even then I had second thoughts, lol. The only thing that I was required to do was give him my home address and look pretty. He was on the dot knocking on my front door at 8pm sharp. I was certain he’d call me from the car to tell me he’d arrived, upon which I’d come running out to hop in the whip and roll. He did the opposite though, so I was a little startled rushing out of the front door to greet him only wearing one shoe! “Cute toes” he laughed, and alas the ice had been broken.
The entire night I never had to open a door, pull out a chair or even speak directly to the waiter when ordering. Dinner and a live band at a wine bar afterward was just enough to feel this guy out and note that we had quite a lot in common. We concluded with a late night stroll around the neighborhood and he had me home by midnight. Escorted me right back to my front door where he’d retrieved me hours before. He didn’t try to shove his tongue down my throat or force his horny a*** inside of my place to “use the bathroom” either lol. He simply gave me a long hug and polite goodnight dismissing himself at the end. It was so funny because as soon as I got on the other side of the front door I wanted to melt to my knees. If we never went another date I’d be satisfied. He reminded me that the anatomy of a true gentlemen doesn’t have to take backseat to good looks and education, and that there are still men out there that can and do exhibit well-rounded qualities.
And now, to all of the lazy losers who have been claiming publicly that chivalry is an ineffective notion, let me be the one to tell you that it’s something women want and if you skip it, you’re not looking for anything substantial. It’s not about waiting on us hand and foot or even playing the game of chase. Being a gentleman is about being appreciative enough of the female species to show high regard for her through courteous action (regardless of who she is). It’s about being the aggressor by showing interest and asserting your position as a leader in your community pursuant of exactly what you want, including that woman. At the same time though, I have to mention that we as women also need to give men an opportunity to be that even if we are capable of doing it for ourselves, brown skin and all.
-black girl.
Black Girl In The City. 